Confused over relationship and feelings

[steveb]

Hello all, My name is Steve and I am a new member on this forum as I wanted to air my feeling and ask for some advice. Thanks very much if you so read this and for any replies.

I split up with my ex partner of 4 years about a year and a half ago and we still remain good friends and talk over facebook quite a bit. She is now happily with another person.

About a year ago a met a beautiful fun girl who is a lot younger than me, Im 43 and she is 28. THe moment I met and saw her eyes there was an instant attraction between us. Six months earlier my ex partner of 4 years split from me, I was very upset at the time but in hindsight it was not working and we remain friends today and talk over facebook from time to time. Probably too much but I know I don't have any real feeling for her any more apart from that of a friend.

I went on a date with the new girl but decided after that we was not suited, mainly because she was the lodger of a friend I go and see bands with alot and I need not want to ruin this and it just did not feel right. I cannot explain wjy I felt this though.

However, we carried on seeing each other as the chemistry between us was so intense and I think I have fallen in love with her like mad and care for her so much.

However for some reason I push her away all the time and still worry what other people think which I know is so silly but I just cant help it and also I think we are not suited and we are certain things/traits which do annoy me like she can be very over loving and touchy feely and we arnt as mentally matched as me and my last girl friend was.

I say all this but how can we not be suited if I care for her so much but if I do why do i push her away. Could it be the age, it doesnt feel like it,

When we are together I dont want to be and seem to panic and when we are not together I want to be and panic again. It got so bad that I have got into a real state of it. I also over think everything to the point I cant make a decision. It all seem to stem from this relation ship but I cant understand if this because its not right or not because I do care so much about her.

It sort of feels like I have fallen in love with someone who I don't want to be with but I am scared of loosing which does not make sense.

Its got to the point where we are no longer together but again remain friends at the moment and we still see each other alot and she says she still loves me and that we are meant for each other and wants us to be back together.

I am going to try and get some therapy because of all my conflicting thought and im on mild anti-depressants also. She is very supportive of this and thinks im in this state because I lost my dad and split from my ex partner in a short space of time which maybe true.

I feel so alone without this girl and miss her terribly but I dont know it thats just because I am alone and if meeting someone new is what I really need but I am so scared of loosing her.

I am so very confused and feel I have messed this girl around so much which I am so ashamed of.

I know there is really nothing any one can say to help but I though Id try anyway.


Thanks very much for reading this and any replies.

Steve.

[Sonrisa]

you really do need serious professional help before dating anyone period.

[kamani]

It appears that you are not sure about yourself. Be honest to yourself.

Do you still love your ex-wife? Are you afraid of carrying on any committed relationship again? Do you consider the age gap too large and feel differences in attitudes?

Well, these questions have to be answered. Try to be honest with your girlfriend too, if you want to continue with her.
Sure you need some professional help.