Guys and girls.....that bad in bed? Or just didn't like me?

[missm86]

Hi there. I was recently dating a guy for four months and we are both in our mid 20's. He was a friend of a friend and I heard that he could be quite shy, which was ok with me.
It was going well in the first couple of months and he was very keen to speak to me daily and see me a couple times a week. I moved into my first home and he would visit regularly, however did not want to go out and have fun, just sit and watch DVD's and cuddle up on the sofa! He also started staying the night (about 6-8 times in total over the period of a month). However, he did not actually initiate anything in bed! It must of happened twice in that time, and when it did, it was over within minutes. I felt like I could not initiate anything as he would say he wanted an early night and I feared he would reject me in my own bed. He apologised for his shortcomings when sex did occur, and said it was because he really liked me and was a bit nervious. This man is gorgeous and we got on well, so I said it didn't matter and would see how it panned out.
He then started backing off and wasn't so keen to speak to me as much so asked him about it. He said we were fine but he wanted to take it slow as he was wary of commitment, having been single for a few years. I said it was ok as I had been to - I do regret this now, as wish I had been more honest and asked him to make a decision then. But I wanted to give it a good shot so said we would see how things went.
He then went away on holiday for a week and text me whilst he was there, which was reassuring. He came home and visited me twice, and again I asked if he wanted to go out and do something, which he said no, he wanted to chill out. We got intimate, but it was very quick again and he said it was because it had been quite a while (didnt I know it!!) and I 'turned him on too much'. I didnt push it forward and he went home. I got a text that night apologising for it, again saying it was because it had been a while. He also said it was his problem, not mine and that it couldn't carry on like that. I again was patient and said we would see how it went.
I didnt really hear much over the next 10 days or so, just a few texts. So I asked if it was over, and he replied that he was sorry but it hadn't really worked and there wasn't any 'chemistry' between us. I told him that I had wanted to go out and have more fun and maybe it would have been different, however he replied saying he was being honest with me and couldn't help the way he felt.
He had always been quite affectionate and had even told his family and friends we were dating. He now won't come to collect his DVDs, despite me saying I will leave them in my porch for him. He wants a mutual friend to do it for him as he is being too lazy. I do feel heartbroken that he is gone and he gave up, however do you think he bailed out on me because of the continued bedroom issues and just using the 'no chemistry' line to cover up his embarrassment? Or did he genuinelly feel nothing, despite still coming to see me and wanting to be intimate...but failing! I'm so confused and need insight from other men as to what they would do or say. Thanks.

[sickofdrama]

He sounds like having no confidence at all. Was he relaxed talking with you? Or did it feel like he didn't get completely honest just to protect himself?
If I were you and really loved him I would go directly to ask him if he's hiding because of the sex. And in the case you want to, tell him that you can work on it. What is for sure is that he has to work on his confidence or at least on his trust with you. Don't fail him later though, it hurts a lot.

[dinazcolada]

Men ususally come on strong and them back off, this is a natural cycle for them. If they think they might really like you, they back off for a bit to assess if they really want to be with you. He could also be embarrassed about his ack of sexual enthusiasm or skill. He might not have much experience.

Men also like things to be their idea. Like getting together. You made the right decision by not asking him to make a decision now. A ultimatum never works.

He probably is embarrassed about the sex and maybe doesn't want to face it. It sounds like you were fulfilling all of his emotional needs, but you weren't gettting many of the things you need. But this boils down to having open communication.

There is no reason for you to start flirting and dating other men, because he is not available and won't even talk to you. The best thing you can do now is take care of yourself and keep your options open. If he does pursue you, you will need to decide if this is the kind of guy who deserves to date an awesome woman like you!

[smackie9]

If he has issues he can't deal with, then screw it. Do not waste your time, and find someone who is more solid, straight forward and honest. This guy is a fluff. Just write him off.

[Boisdevie]

Men also like things to be their idea.

Bit like women then.
I wait for your next wonderful piece of wisdom. In the meantime please feel free to download my ebook. It's called 'Why relationship coaches are a waste of space'.