ex in the picture, i like someone else!!

**violete** · 23-09-12, 11:41 PM

Hey!
I'm going to write you my story in short and i would really like to get some help and opinions

So this ex bf of mine..we have been together for 3years, he was my first love and i was his. We had a lot of great times and we've been through some bad as well. We broke up 2years ago, he ended it and i don't blame him. At that time I was going through something really bad and I completely changed, I was really depressed and he gave up.
In those two years we have been apart, we saw each other occasionally but every time I had some expectations so we decided it was better to stop. About 6 months ago I met this great guy that I really like. I've never liked anyone else this much and about a month ago, we became (he said it) friends with benefits. He said that he isn't ready for a serious relationship but in my opinion he is acting way more "friendly" than he should in that kind of relationship. He's talking about moving in together, he writes that he misses me..But also on the other hand, I have this feeling that he's only talking and wouldn't do anything if he really had a chance. I believe that if a guy really likes a girl, he would want to be with her, not just as a friend with benefits.
To end this story, about two weeks ago, my ex called me, saying how sorry he was that he left and that he never forgave himself, if he had another chance, he'd never mess it up and that he loves me. I believe him, I really do. So the problem is that I don't know if he's going to give up again after some time, like he has done before. I mean I am not in the same place that I was back then, but I need to know that I can trust him to be with me..
I don't know what to do!!!!I have an ex boyfriend who would do just about anything to get me back and to prove me that he loves me.. But I can't just let him back and trust him again. And I have this guy who I like, I can imagine being with him for the rest of my life (we have a lot of things in common, same opinions) but I don't think he feels the same..
What should I do???

**smackie9** · 24-09-12, 12:19 AM

Trust your ex? Are you nuts? It's not like he cheated on you, you forced him out of the relationship. You even said and I quote " he ended it and i don't blame him". As for the other dude, all he is looking for is cheaper rent and someone to share expenses, sex is just an added bonus. What a waste of time that is.

My money is on your ex, he is ready to try again and I think you should too.

**IndiReloaded** · 24-09-12, 12:32 AM

Originally Posted by smackie9

My money is on your ex, he is ready to try again and I think you should too.

Why did he leave you? What is different now? Most important, what do YOU want? If you go into any relationship not knowing this, there's a strong possibility you will break up again.

Get rid of the 'friends with benefits' guy. You are right: he likes the sex but he's not that into you. Stop being a doormat, you have this in common with both guys. Know what you want. Be selfish. Here's a secret few women ever learn (lots more guys get it, tho):

Only 'selfish' people who first take care of themselves have the energy to then take care of others. Makes sense, right? Are you going to feed a starving person if you are starved yourself?

**violete** · 24-09-12, 01:02 AM

He left because he felt he didn't love me anymore. Now he says he misses me, that he can't move on. I know he loves me and I love him too, I really love spending time with him, he treats me like a queen. now..... For how long?!
If I ask myself what I want, I want this "friend with benefits" guy. I once asked him if he cares for me and he said that he does. But obviously not enough to be with me! I keep waiting and hoping for something to change. He really is my "perfect" match, if only he felt the same way...

**smackie9** · 24-09-12, 01:13 AM

You are going to have to express to your FWB that you want to be "exclusive", instead of taking a chance by sitting around, investing yourself emotionally to find out he never will.

**IndiReloaded** · 24-09-12, 02:03 AM

Originally Posted by violete

If I ask myself what I want, I want this "friend with benefits" guy.

Then do what Smackie says. Tell him you want set a date to move in together. Tell him your ex wants you back. Say that if he's not in love with you, fine, but you are moving on. Try not to yell this at him, but be firm. Give him a week to decide, then arrange a time to meet and discuss. My bet is he's going to either try to wriggle out of it, or break up. If he does tell you anything other than "yes, you are right. I love you, its time to move in together", you need to break up with him.

Deal with your ex later. One problem (guy) at a time. He broke up with you. You don't owe him anything right now. He can wait.

**InYourFACE** · 24-09-12, 02:08 AM

i dont have to read to tell you that ex is ex for a reason. so move on!

**violete** · 24-09-12, 02:24 AM

Thanks, you really helped

**smackie9** · 24-09-12, 02:33 AM

Originally Posted by violete

Thanks, you really helped

I wish you the best of luck.

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