Cant move past my girlfriends past!Please help!

[Mr.Bartender]

I have been with my girlfriend for a lil over 2years. With that said, let me cut to the chase. I have a problem with her past. She has remained "friends" with most of her sexual partners from before we met. This really upsets me and bothers me til my stomach is in knots. She also keeps photo albums and tons of other pictures in a duffel hw and between the two, there are a lot of pics of her ex's. Some are not bad and some are of them in bed together, some are of them kissing .(not nude thank god) but it still bothers me she has to keep them around. She was molested when she was a kid and pretty much raised by grandparents, mom was seldom there and dad was an addict for years and never there. She has also told me that it shouldn't bother me and that she sleeps with most of her friends before me. She's even had a four way with her supposed best friends. When I tell her that this bothers me it ends up in a huge shit storm. She's also an only child and has a 12 year old son that I also love. His dad is also in his 30's and don't have a car or pay any type of child support. This is another issue, he sees his child maybe 2-3 days a month for about 8hours on those days yet she talks and txts him regularly and its not about the child they share. In fact the boy is never really brought up. I have explained to her how that's not cool at all and she shouldn't be talking to him unless its about their son, she argues and fights me about it. He was commenting on her Facebook page about sex and other immature crap alike and I told her I didn't like that so she had him block me instead of her blocking him.(hate Facebook)
So all of this stuff is kinda in a nutshell but it really hurts more with me than for me, I have asked her to put that behind her and not let it cloud our present or future yet it always goes back to me being a control freak or not letting her be herself. She has been raped 3times and has ptsd from those events. I feel like she used sex to make friends and don't think that is healthy. When she had her 4 way experience she was seeing some guy and he introduced her to another guy and girl at a party and well, you know. Now she claims to be their best friends and this happened a few short months before we met. I have taken her son under my wing and pretty Mich babysitter at least 3 nights a week, I have also taught this guy how to ride a bike(almost cried). I really don't know if I'm being irrational or controlling, I'm only being how I know how...please, someone, anyone help. I take this matter very serious.

[kipani]

This is not a girl you're going to want to keep around for a long term relationship. This is a girl who will have constant affairs being your back. She doesn't respect you, and she doesn't respect herself if she's letting some guy she used to sleep with still talk to her that way on facebook. You're not in the wrong at all. Not a bit. She is. How would she like it reading comments like that on YOUR facebook?

[Mr.Bartender]

Anyone...? Could use a lil more input.

[smackie9]

Tho I argue the point that the past should be left in the past and to get over it but, her past is extreme and it's still in the present. Not only that, she has been raped amongst other things. This poor girl needs therapy, and possibly a life time of it. Anyways, she isn't going to change who she is. She sees nothing wrong with sleeping with her friends or staying friends with them. It's her lifestyle whether you like it or not.

I say this girl is not right for you period. This baggage way beyond your understanding and there is no point in hoping your opinion will change. You are fooling yourself if this will ever have any happy ending.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, dump her and move on. You'll never be happy in this relationship.

[VincenzoG91]

I agree. Normally, I would tell a guy to get over the past because it's the past and can't be changed. But like smackie said, her past isn't really in the past yet. And you aren't going to be able to fix her ptsd or her family issues. You could try and tough it out for the sake of her kid, but that isn't your job and you will be undermined by both her and the ex. Take care of yourself and just move on. You are going to be happier with someone who shares your values.

[Wakeup]

Yeah, dump her and move on. You'll never be happy in this relationship.

This.. and then once you've dumped her. Call Children's services and get her children removed until such time she's had clearance from a psychiatrist that she's capable of rearing them.

What keeps you attracted to her when you know she is such a hot-mess? Loving her is not good enough reason to stick this out any longer.

[Mr.Bartender]

That's the only thing I can say is that I love her and her kid, I taught him how to ride a bike for shit sake! But the general concenses is to dump her and move on...for me its easier said than done. We met in Jr.high and then re met 16 years later, sorry sucker for signs and romance I guess. I thought she might be the one and that I'm wrong about all this but it don't seem so...

[Wakeup]

So what, you met in Jr high and you made the mistake of picking up with her and her sexual dysfunctional self 16 years later. That is no excuse to stay with someone that will surely bring you down with her issues before you'll ever be able to bring her up to be halfway past her past.

People leave people they love everyday when they are involved in deal breaker activity. They are the one's that know that they will be far better off without the constant emotional shit storms. Look after yourself and don't let your codependency keep you mired where you are while she Tiger Woods you over and over again.

[Cerby]

If something doesn't feel right, it is usually because it isn't. Everyone here is right, this isn't for you. Find someone who shares your values, because this woman doesn't respect you or your opinions.

[Mr.Bartender]

Tiger Woods...lmfao! Well said.
When I made this post I was really hoping someone would tell me that I'm ****ed in the head but none of you guys did, nobody ever has. Sometimes truth is a hard thing to face but it seems.time to do.so.

[smackie9]

Have some self worth.....you deserve better.

[babypink]

Well I think in one way it is a good thing that she is on good terms with her exes and the father of her child. That shows that they still like her, gives her strength and maturity as a person. BUT I think the issue isn't that, the issue is a trust issue. She seems very sexually free, surprising for me to hear that about someone with a sad past, then again maybe that is the cause of why she sees sex in that way. I'm thinking as I'm writing here. I think maybe she should use counselling from her past experiences, if she hasn't already and you two need to sort out the trust issues. Your gut instinct may be right, but it may not....

[babypink]

Just to add, I think it's awful that she got the ex to block you on fb but not block him - it is a big trust barrier that she broke in doing that and put you, the guy who looks after the son and the guy she is currently with beneath the ex, which is just wrong.

[Mr.Bartender]

Does anyone think she uses sex as a way to feel accepted or to fill a void of abandonment? To me it seems like she used sex to make friends and be close to a man and to feel like people like her. I think daddy issues since her pops was never there, I kinda feel like she needs wants.people to want her since daddy didn't...