Am I a rebound?

[Pinkjacob]

Am I a rebound
Am I a rebound?
Hi, I hope you can help me, I live next door but one to my boyfriend, I am 44 and deaf and he is 25, he was in a relationship for 7 years, married for five (his ex wife still lives next door but one to me) and they have two very young children. They had a break in July and during this time me and him had a little 'thing' once. He told me he wasn't happy in his marriage, and she was moody etc, anyway he left her five weeks ago, and we have been seeing each other ever since, he has told her about us, and me and him have fallen out plenty of times in the last few weeks, he says he doesn't love her anymore and he loves me, but he is in constant contact with her, everyday, even when the kids aren't there. He texts her or calls her all the time, or just goes round to see her. He is living with his dad at the minute, but they were sharing a car for a while too, his belongings are still at her house, he hasn't taken anything, he doesn't want a divorce, they still go places together and he gets really jealous if he thinks she has been seeing someone else, which she hasn't, if she doesn't reply to his messages, he gets really worried and goes straight round (even if he's at work) to check she's ok. Am I the rebound and does he still love and want her back, but is just testing to see if she has changed ( he says she has started to change, but he is unsure of if it will last, so is he giving her more time, but occupying himself with me?) she has lost weight, controls her depression, seems really happy, and they get on really well now. He has told her that I am not a long term thing, but he tells me he loves me. Please help, what do I do?

Also I was away this weekend, I didn't tell him I was staying away, but he spent most of yesterday with her in her house, then went back last night for a drink and a takeaway, (which he suggested!) I know nothing happened with her (we are joint friends with another neighbour and she has told me) he has told me that if I make him choose between me and him and his and his ex wife's friendship, he will choose her every time. Is it possible they are just friend or is he trying to see if she has really changed so he can get back with her at some point? They are also going to a theme park together next month, what is going on?

[bluesummer]

Sorry it sounds to me like he still has an attachment to his ex-wife and you shouldn't be involved with him. It's one thing to be in touch with her because they have children together, but quite another when he obsesses over her like this. He's even spelled it out for you - he will choose her over you every time. That should've been your alarm bell right there.

Please do yourself a favour and cut things off with him, it's not going to work out. He says he loves you and he might, but he loves her more and the proof is in the pudding. You're going to get hurt.

[Wakeup]

Am I the rebound and does he still love and want her back, but is just testing to see if she has changed ( he says she has started to change, but he is unsure of if it will last, so is he giving her more time, but occupying himself with me?)

Sadly, it seems so.

He has told her that I am not a long term thing, but he tells me he loves me. Please help, what do I do?

He's told you outright with that ^^ statement that the first quote is exactly what he is doing.

Please help, what do I do?

Believe him and then act accordingly.

he has told me that if I make him choose between me and him and his and his ex wife's friendship, he will choose her every time.

You deserve better than being someone's option while they try to reconcile with their ex. Yes, please stop seeing him, grieve and get over any feelings for him so that you can find a man that actually shows you in actions that he loves you and not just uses the words so it suits him.