Resentment to husband

[Longears]

Hello, Newbie here so sorry to moan immediatly
I am feeling very out of love with my husband, in fact I don't like him much to be honest.We have been married 8 years today (yeay) and together for 13. We have a 7yo son who I wanted but husband was never very keen on him. He was ill as a baby so maybe the bonding never took place but he never held him, fed him, changed him, put him to bed any of the things I would have liked him to do. He is cynical and quite critical as well. 3 years ago I fell pregnant again and when I told him he told me to 'go and sort it out' I was devastated and after several weeks of high emotion I felt so backed into a corner I had a termination. I suffered depression after and have not fully recovered. I have continued to do everything I can for my husband but I just feel like I never get anything in return. The resentment has built up and built up and now I find myself anxious and worried and will do most things to avoid being in the same place as him. I don't like him to touch me but I know how highly he values sex so I normally just get on with it. I don't enjoy it at all though as it always reminds me of the baby we didn't have.
I know he loves me in his own way but I don't feel the same. Even when I tell him what I want from him he seems unable to change and I still end up running two businesses, the whole house, the child and my animals.I am a very hopeful person and I keep on hoping something will change . I hate living like this but I am not brave enough to leave I don't think
any advice?

[Wakeup]

any advice?

Yes. Have you thought about getting some personal therapy that might help you to communicate your discontent so that your hubby understands Maybe you'll even get the strength to leave if he understands your being treated unlovingly but is so convinced that you'll never leave him that he just takes you for granted not feeling any need to change?

He knows you're not brave enough to leave so he does nothing to show you he values you. If you don't want to do therapy then get to the self-help section of your librarary or book store and pick some titles that will help you to communicate how you're feeling. You and your son don't need to stay with a man that doesn't care... there are other alternatives to you that if you know about them, you'll be more brave. Would he go to marital councelling with you? Unlikely I think going just on how you describe him.

Being afraid to leave a situation that you are not happy in is a sign of codependency ~ maybe even a codependency group (google it) would help you as well. I think it's going to have to be you who makes some changes and learn to be unafraid because he sounds lazy and unmotivated to do a thing.

[Longears]

I have booked to go and see a therapist, husband asked me to go and see one. He told me ' you said you would get over it' when I told him I didn't feel the same after having the termination. I figure if I go and see one and I stilll feel the same at least I have tried.

I had a look at a couple of co-dependent sites and it looks terribly like me. I often devote hours to helping others gain happiness or think about others all the time and what I can do to help. I hate having people help me as I feel like I should be able to do everything under the sun.

Husband is not at all lazy, he does a lot of work during the day. What I mean is that I have to do all the paperwork, invoicing, VAT etc etc. He bought a company 3 years ago and gave it to me to run. I didn't particuarly want it but I took it and tried to run it knowing nothing about the products!!

He just won't do anything that he doesn't want to. He never comes to see me compete with the horses, he only complains about them. If I am ill I have to ask friends to look after my animals as he won't touch them. My mum gave me a horsebox so I could take myself places but he doesn't like me having it as its something else to tax and insure so he won't touch it. I had to pay someone to put tie rings on it when he could have easily done it and I learned how to change the radiator because it needed doing and I couldn't afford to pay someone to do it. I did do it and it felt great!

He never cooks, cleans, does any washing, fobbs the son off on his mother. But he does provide me with a nice house to live in and I have ample land to keep my animals on.

[InYourFACE]

This is very sad thou,

I dont judge you. But i feel sorry for the decision you made.
Why did you not go to your mom or some female close to you and talk about it
before letting things go that far.

I think even tho it was you that made the decision, the way you describe your husband makes
me think he is worse then a cheating husband.
He is the head off the egoistic people.
He only thinks about what makes him happy in his own world.

But somewhere i think also that you knew way before he became your husband that
he was ****ed up like that.
But you kept dating him and marry him.

This is something serious, i think he have so much issues that he need to go and face and get help for,
but he have try to hide them but like someone once said, if you dont
deal with your issues they will deal with you some how, cause they want to come out at a certain point.

I think maybe he have been true some stuff in his childhood that he need to get help for and those things
maybe are the reasons he dont alow himself to get close to his son. and be positive toward his kids.

But i dont want to make him look like the victim. cause he is a adult so he is responsible for every decision he makes
now. cause he can think and makes them himself.
So he is adult enough to go and get help for himself also.
And to know that abortion is wrong. And killing someone is wrong.

I would think you better divorce him and kept your baby.
And its stupid that someone want sex but dont want a baby when
that happens. cause they know that sex can make someone pregnant.
so i think i would not want to have sex with someone like that eater.

Maybe you need to take some time away from this negative men.
And start thinking about yourself.
The decision about getting pregnant is to the woman to make. cause
its us that have to deal with it.
Some piece of shit men dont see it as a human. for them

[InYourFACE]

I think you are in your own world and he let you there in your pain.
Instead of him feeling sorry and try to give you some support.

YYou need to confront him about all off this. and put a consequences for him if he dont step up and
make a great change. and get help.

Cause otherwise you will be miserable for ever being with him.
and your son see and experience this all.
Its not good for him.

If you dont deal with this husband yours , the other problems will not be solve.
Let him know how he did you feel by telling you about the abortion.
And let him know how much it hurts. And ask him what he is going to do if you gets pregnant again.
and why would he even consider you having sex with him while he dont want to stand for the" consequences".(pregnancy-baby). Just let it all out. Cause this men need to change or you need to make some serious decisions.
Cause telling your wife to do abortion is not something small! its wrong its bad its cruel!
And how wrong he was in all of this.
If you need help go into therapy and him also.

This is not right. and this is not why God created marriage.
Pray about it and talk to God to guide you in your marriage and to
change this mens heart and yours and to guide you true this serious conversation you will have with him.

[InYourFACE]

I think @ Wakeup means

that he is lazy to do something for you,, not material stuff. but the effort to go to therapy with you.and stuff.

But i think he just think about himself and think you should be the slave and he the king.
and you say he is not lazy? but all you said only shows how big of a lazy jerk he is,

You know money and material stuff is not the most important thing in life.
Love is, care is, rest and peace is, etc.

So him buying you company is only bringing more money to his empire.
I think maybe both of you need to start focusing on what really matter in life.
Provide for yourself is good. cause you need to eat.
But making your life about all of that is a waste of time. cause soon you will
get old, and then what you invested in people will be more important for you.
cause your money wont take care of you when you are old and cant walk.
Its the people that you invested in the right way may turn and look at you and give you a helping hand.

Sounds like you make only excuses for this men. thats why he treats you like that.
cause he for shore thinks you would never have a back bone.
What up once tell him no thank you keep your material stuff, what about being a husband! a human
a caring human that answer my needs that money cant buy!?!!

[Wakeup]

I have booked to go and see a therapist, husband asked me to go and see one. He told me ' you said you would get over it' when I told him I didn't feel the same after having the termination. I figure if I go and see one and I stilll feel the same at least I have tried.

Good. Concentrate on getting yourself over the past and hopefully you'll be able to proceed much more happily into the future. He may be an indifferent prick but I'm thinking that your depression has a lot to do with how disappointed you are in him. Time will tell.

I think @ Wakeup means that he is lazy to do something for you,, not material stuff. but the effort to go to therapy with you.and stuff.

Yes.