my ex is my boss

[badly_burned_ca]

for 5 yrs i dated my boss who's 15 years older than me. he was handsome and charming and such a gentleman. then i found out he was married and had kids and he didn't tell me so i broke off the relationship. i was so hurt that i cried for days. later i came back and put in for a transfer so i didn't have to see him again.

that was a few years ago. then just yesterday i learned that he was taking over as manager in the office i now work in. worse he's going to be my boss again! i don't think i can stand being anywhere near him but i've put so much into my job and i don't think it would be fair to my team to abandon them like this. but how can i work for that cheating liar again?

please i've been badly burned by him and don''t kno what to do!

[AdminOnline]

this sux , i must say..

either you forget the past and stay on..still get your job
or
move on to a new job which might be a challenge in this kind of bad economy..

[InYourFACE]

first it was your own fault for mixing work with plasure.
and i really dont believe it, that you date him 5 years and never ever knew or suspect something about him being married.

Or was it more like a sneaky affair at work?

I think you should take responsibility for your actions
You choose to date your boss knowing that it was no good idea(him being single or not)!

I think you should think about yourself. Instead of your team.
And if your job was that important yu should have made better choices way before.

I dont know but sounds weird to me that he will be your boss again.
I hope he is not doing it himself to be around you,

Anyway i think best thing is to learn for once out of your mistake.
And find another job.
Or apply for another job in the same company.

Or face him, and treat him like just a figure at your job.
But if he is mad about the break up he can make your life hard at work,

So i think best thing is get another job and leave as soon as you hae sign for it, and never make the same mistake again,
no dating people at your job!

[Cerby]

Just pretend like nothing ever happend, you don't know him, and avoid him whenever possible. Don't get caught in the same trap if he wants to give it another go.

[Wakeup]

How does one date someone for 5 years and not know he is married? O.o

Anyway, ask right now (before he even gets there) to transfer. Tell HR that it was hell when you worked for him before and you don't want to go through that again if they ask why you want to move from where you are. That's all you can do other than what Cerby suggests or quit outright. (Don't do that until you've secured some other job though) Are you capable of being indifferent to him and your past with him?

You don't say how long ago all this extra marital affair-ing took place.. Are you at the point of indifference to him and your mistake? Can you ignore him and his "charms" at this point? Have you learned to not ignore red flag behaviour when it's flying high like you did last time? What you should do depends on the answer to all those questions.

[badly_burned_ca]

it's a lot more complicated than that. i was young and foolish then. i can see now i made a mistake. i just don't want to make things worse.

[bluesummer]

Like Wakeup said.....ask for a transfer (so you're not under his management) and when HR asks why, tell them he was absolute hell to work for. What you actually tell them is up to you.

You're probably a nicer person than me, I would ruin his career before he reported for his first day.