Should I Stick around?

[damien1993]

This is a bit long but i'm sorry, i need to give detail..

Yesterday, she told me she had a really cool status to put on fb.. and i said what is it? She says you'll see when i put it up.. I say ok and we move on.. Anyway, in my mind, i assumed she had credit because she called me several times earlier, so about 15 minutes later i see her on her phone (thinking she's on fb) and i asked her if she put it up yet..

Now she's really impatient, and when i asked her she gave me a sarcastic and rude response, saying "how the F*** am i supposed to put it up when i already told you i don't have credit?" and im like :S wtf.. because only a second ago we were laughing and she was smiling etc.. I said, "you don't have to snap it's just a question, i assumed you had credit cause you called me.." and then she goes silent, gives me the cold shoulder and when i ask her what's up, she says "nothing's up".. completely ignoring the fact that she just had a mojor mood swing and also ignoring the fact that i don't like being treated like that if i havn't done anythiing wrong..

Now whenever we have a little tiff like this i have 2 options..

- I can ignore it like she does and go on about my daily life, but it makes me feel like shit cause it's like she can do what the f*** she wants and treat me that way and i just gotta sit there and take it.. Now that wouldn't be a problem if she just acted normally how she was a couple minutes before, but she doesn't, its like i've done something wrong and she gives me the cold shoulder for it, like not looking at me when im talking to her, or giving cut responses etc..

- Or i can be myself, which makes me feel better, by insisting that i can tell she's upset by it and to just talk it through with me.. "like why are you acting cut for?" or "whats the matter?".. she'll insist she's not upset and gets more frustrated when i try to explain how i can tell she is by pointing out her cold responses, and how she doesn't look at me when she talks to me etc.. to me, that's the cold shoulder, because less than 2 minutes ago she wasn't doing that.. It's a total mind F*** for me.. Like either way i'm gonna feel like shit..

now this happens with every tiff we have, and it's so frustrating because all i want to do is get to the root of the problem and figure out why she's acting that way.. Like i though women were supposed to be good at communicating their feelings about things but i feel like i'm the woman sometimes.. If i do ignore it when she gets like that, i'll admit it works and she gets over it, but it's not fair because i feel like she's walking over me and i don't want her to get used to that.. because it's damaging to yourself to bottle everything up.. and i'm not used to that either so sometimes when i'm sick of ignoring these things i'll explode and bring it all up again.. and she hates that, but i can't help it.. it could easily be avoided if she could just talk it through with me and just be straight up when it happens, we'll figure out why we acted the way we did or what the problem was, exchange apologies and get on with it but no..

She has issues with her past which makes her insecure about her emotions and feelings etc, and i understand that when she's upset she doesnt need me there to help her feel better or ask her questions about it because she's really independant like that.. and i get that so i try my best to cater for her needs.. but it feels like im just taking all the hits by trying to coopeorate with her but she constantly fails to see that it's damaging me and she needs to meet me halfway..

I'm slowly getting tired of this and it's making me spiteful of her when she gets like that, especially because i know seeing her friends takes her mind off things and she'll act completely fine almost instantaniously.. like it never happened.. But this is wierd because they're my mates aswell, and im usually around when this happens.. and it really upsets me because it's like i don't cheer her up anymore, and it almost feels like she's doing it on purpose.. She'll also act completely fine with me again which is a plus but it still hurts cause i couldn't make it happen, i used to but i dunno what happened..

I've herd about this fluctuation stage at the beggining of a relationship and how everything is nice and dandy and shit at the start.. I know we've passed that, but could this behaviour be related to that or do think she's getting sick of me? because i find she doesn't want to have sex anymore, i feel like she's only affectionate because she knows i like it.. It doesn't feel genuine anymore.. she's very cold when she's upset, even though i have nothing to do with the matter, and we constantly have these little tiffs that can easily be avoided if we BOTH put the effort..

This isn't a problem if it happened maybe once a week or so but it happens about every second day and i'm just losing motivation because when she's upset with something she doesn't want me around.. and if i talk to her its like she's upset with me.. She says she still loves me and sometimes it's evident but im just becoming unsure and i don't know what to do.. She's moving out soon because this was like a temporary fix as she was living in a refuge because of her abusive mother.. This might be a good thing because i think we need a bit of space, but it also might mean the end for us.. Because i dunno if she's just acting like she still loves me until she can get her final things sorted.. cause when i mean she's un affectionate i mean, she won't kiss me when i drop her off at work (apparently cause it messes her lip gloss even though she can easily fix it in 2 seconds).. She won't sit next to me on her own accord and when we do sit next to eachother i feel like a mid 40's couple just sitting awkwardly next to eachother without a thing to say.. she doesnt like me touching her when we go clubbing.. im always the one saying that i love her.. I don't really feel love from her..

The only sure sign i can see that she might still be in love is when we go to bed.. Ever since we started going out, we've always cuddled in bed and fell asleep like that, we both love it and the only time we don't is if it's too hot or we're having a fight.. I think the only way i can understand this is by asking women, because they know themselves better than any guy, and i'm sure there has to be someone with a similar situation or personality that can give me some guidance..

Again sorry for the essay :p Thanks For reading

[MsAdele]

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. I hope this will be of some help to you.

I was this girl and this is the way that I treated my boyfriend. I had the most loving and caring man and I cut him off because I was going through some problems myself and didnt want to involve him in it. We would never talk about the little things that were bothering us until they all got compounded and then we would explode and become angry and ended up resenting each other. I absolutely tortured him and pretty much destroyed him by shutting him off. We stopped the cuddling, we stopped the kissing and we got to the stage where we didnt even know if we loved each other but we still stuck with it. They say hindsight is 20/20 vision and I would do anything to go back and change what I did.

I'm just giving you a background in to my life because at this point in time, we are still together and things are still not good, he is depressed and its like i've broken him along with myself. I did an awful thing to him and wish I could take it all back but I cant. If you stick with this girl and if she keeps her barrier up its you that will end up hurt and broken. You seem to be in a good state of mind now and you may love her but think of the long term with her. In order to get to the bottom of this you will pretty much need to break her barrier and have a screaming match if needed to see what the underlying problem is, if she breaks down then she'll let you in and you can move on but if she doesn't then maybe its time to get yourself out of it now before it gets worse. Do not let it destroy you. It is easy for people to give you advice but its very difficult to make the final decision yourself. Best of Luck