In love with an older man, but does he love me?

[ABCDEFGHIJK]

Right, I'll keep it short.
We had a casual relationship. No sex, it went as far as kissing. We spoke a lot and just got on so well we really connected and we both felt something amazing. I hope some people know what I mean when I talk about the chemistry and connection we had, everything just felt right.
The downside, he is twice my age (not really a problem for me) and he had a partner...
We caled things off and I was absolutely heartbroken. We Work together aswell so it was horrible. We still talk, because its so hard not to, and I just can't get over him, even though things ended 3 months ago. Anyway, recently he came up to me looking upset. Basically, he said he misses me and needs to talk to me again. He said he's been thinking about talking online .... I don't know what to o. We genuinely have something ... What is your advice,? Shall I talk to him? Do you think he feels the same

[Wakeup]

Who cares if he thinks the same. He's married and is not in a position to give of himself the way a man that is free could.

If you continue this emotional affair online he'll end up cyber ****ing you and you'll stagnate where you are with him and ruin your emotional self due to the hell of never actually being free in heart and mind to find a man that is available to be with you.

So ****ing what that he misses you? Why do you let yourself become vulnerable to a man who is married just because he misses you? You are shortchanging yourself. Do you think you'll be satisfied to be cyber-loved while he spends all his holidays with his wife and family. Do you enjoy spending the High Holidays of your country alone while he shares them with his WIFE?

Tell him to leave you alone, that you don't want to be spending the rest of your days being second fiddle to the woman he chose to be his life partner. Tell him it's unfair of him to tell you he misses you when he does nothing but keep you attached with no intentions of being your partner. Tell yourself the truth and quit glossing this over by using statements like "we have a connection" Pffft.
You genuinely have NOTHING. His wife has something ~ him. You're just a pansy for the crumbs he gives you.

Geezuschrist its ridiculous how stupid some women can be when they have no love of self. Fix this about you because If you loved yourself, you would never have let this go on the way it has. NO you shouldn't talk to him. Surely you want more than to be someone's "Backdoor Girl" for eternity? Surely you believe you deserve more than this, surely!

[ABCDEFGHIJK]

He's not married, just with someone. And I know it's just as bad.
Maybe I'm being stupid, I don't know. He's suggested getting together before, but I didn't feel like it was a good idea, obviously my feelings grew.

[Wakeup]

You know this is where personal boundaries come into play. If you have them, then you'd NEVER let a married/already committed man play on your vulnerability to the point where you allow yourself to catch feelings for him.

Now, unless you want to continue to short chage yourself and lose all of your self-worth as he stays with her but plays with you, then you'll tell him to leave you alone and if he's ever single to give you a heads up and you'll be more than happy to continue where you left off if you haven't found someone who can give you all of him (without the baggage of a gf in the wings) by then.

Don't let him play you anymore. You've kept it strictly emotional and you're feeling like a weak kneed school girl over the bastard. If you get with him physically before he's free to be with you god only knows how fkd up you'll become as you wait in the wings for your next get together. Ugh.. and patoooey. Have more value in yourself so you'll not settle to be No. 2 to anyone ever again. If he really wants you in the full sense - the way you deserve to be had, then he'll leave her and give you all of himself, not just this little game on the side he's trying to orchestrate with you.

[Boisdevie]

Jeez. He's twice your age. That's enough to tell me this is just plain crazy. And he's not even single. Are you really so stupid and desperate?

[uap5765]

I know it's easier said than done, but think of your future. Don't let yourself be wrapped by this man. Actually, age doesn't matter, it's his being in a relationship with someone else that matters. Give him the condition that he would live his current partner if he wants to continue his intimate relationship with you. If not, then you deserve a much better guy, sweetie.

Over the years, I learned that when you really really want something, you'll put all your energy and effort to make it happen. If he really loves, wants and needs you, then he would man up and make things happen for your relationship.

[Boisdevie]

Actually, age doesn't matter, it's his being in a relationship with someone else that matters.

Utter shit. Of course age matters. I'm 48 and the idea of shagging someone say 20 years older than me makes me nauseous.

[uap5765]

Utter shit. Of course age matters. I'm 48 and the idea of shagging someone say 20 years older than me makes me nauseous.

Then that is your opinion, Boisdevie. We all have our own preferences.

And as for your age with an additional 20, it might not look very appealing for you, but for someone such as 18 and is really attracted to mature men like 32 (double the age), then it's possible. I have an uncle who's 40 and has a wife of 20 and they're happily married for 2 years now and I wish them all the happiness they deserve.

[Boisdevie]

I have an uncle who's 40 and has a wife of 20 and they're happily married for 2 years now and I wish them all the happiness they deserve.

Come back in 20 years when she's 40 and he's 60 and tell us that they're still happily married. Just one exception does not prove the rule.

[uap5765]

Come back in 20 years when she's 40 and he's 60 and tell us that they're still happily married. Just one exception does not prove the rule.

And it having small chances to work doesn't mean it's IMPOSSIBLE. As far as I know, there's no absolute rule saying you can't be happily married to someone 10-20 years older.

[Boisdevie]

Just because it's not impossible doesn't mean it's likely to happen does it? There's a chance I could be the next lottery winner. But I'm not buying that Ferrari just yet because I"m not that stupid. Most 'normal' people have relationships with people around their own age. I wonder why?

[uap5765]

Just because it's not impossible doesn't mean it's likely to happen does it? There's a chance I could be the next lottery winner. But I'm not buying that Ferrari just yet because I"m not that stupid. Most 'normal' people have relationships with people around their own age. I wonder why?

Yes and with that way of thinking means you would rather be one of the people in the crowd... and that is your own preference. Take note that I did't say it's likely to happen. I said it has small chances and it's possible. And although winning the lottery also has small chances, it is an established fact that some people, DO WIN.

[haxan]

Utter shit. Of course age matters. I'm 48 and the idea of shagging someone say 20 years older than me makes me nauseous.

Boisdevie, what a line of shit. Do I look for, or am mostly attracted to women 20 years younger, NO. Would I be nauseous if I ended up having sex with a cutie 20 years younger, of course not. Get real man ! If you're going to b/s us, at least make it borderline believable

[haxan]

OP, unless there's something wrong with you, and your ability to meet people of the other sex, find someone that's an easier and better fit.

[InYourFACE]

How old are you guys? im very curious to know now.

and he have a girlfriend so reason enough for you to stay away.

if you are not underage and he was single it would be your problem to date him or not.
even thou he may want you for your young stupid naive pussy.

But anyway just respect other peoples relationship.

And he work with you, so stupid of you to go there.
cause now it may make your work harder. you are there to work not to **** colleagues.