past lies

[Tug]

Im really not sure why Im posting this as Im sure you guys are going to rake me over the coals for being such a pathetic idiot but here goes.

Both me and my g/f are in our early 50's and have lived together for nearly 4 years, 6 months ago I found out she was lying about her "extra curricular activities" on FB. When things finally came out into the open she assured me that she has never cheated on me or wanted to be with another man for that matter but because of my ongoing health issues she spent as much time on FB as she did because she was tired of hearing me talk about my health related issues and needed to talk to other people (mostly men) about something other than my health.

She has since given up FB gave me all her passwords and stopped being so "friendly" towards other men but I cant let the past go and even though its been 6 months since all this went down I STILL dont trust her. Although my health is improving I still have a way to go so just getting my things and moving out isnt an option but I cant go another day of thinking about how she dogged me for such a long time and didnt care enough to be honest with me from the very beginning, if she couldnt do it when i was sick what makes me think she's going to care enough to do the right thing now.

She works out religiously and now that Im starting to feel better I started going to the gym and one of her gay friends told me she socialized allot there but when I asked her about it she said she did talk to a few people but it was nothing she couldnt do in front of me and has done everything to reassure me that her hearts in the right place but the trust that I had in her at one time is no longer there and even though she's gone through extremes to make me see that she loves me I still think and expect the worst from her when it comes to other men. I am so sick and tired of her double standards when it comes to talking to people of the opposite sex the more I think about it the more it bothers me. If I even say hello to another woman at the gym she gets upset, one day she left just for that very reason.

I know I have to leave Im just waiting for my heath to improve and needed to vent... thanks for listening

[smackie9]

Emotional affairs are quite common when a relationship is under a lot of stress. Yes she was using as an escape, and ya it's still no excuse, but at least she realized it was a problem and worked on improving on the relationship. If this relationship is worth saving, then you will find it in your heart to forgive her, and accept that under times of stress people do become weakened and find themselves making poor choices. A women is an emotional creature, and they need emotional attention, romance....it makes them feel appreciated and loved and with your health issues consuming the relationship, she was feeling lost. Your best bet is to focus on the positive and how much better you are feeling with your health. You know what the root of the problem was, and it has been openly addressed, and with the way things are looking up, I don't think you will have anything to worry about.

[Boisdevie]

So it's OK for her to talk to people of the opposite sex at the gym but not OK for you. DOUBLE STANDARDS.

[smackie9]

She gets up set about you talking to other women is an act of her guilty conscience. Boisdevie is right, double standards shouldn't be tolerated. Nip this one in the bud. You have some serious thinking to do.

[vashti]

I know I have to leave Im just waiting for my heath to improve and needed to vent... thanks for listening

Classy! (not)

Stop using her for a nursemaid and cheap housing.

And for the record, if you are suffering long-term health issues in your 50s, you are unlikely to be 100% healthy again, so you'd better learn how to not drag everyone else down about it. What can be more boring than hearing someone go on and on and on about their health issues ad nauseum?

[Wakeup]

That's the first thing that stuck out to me as well

I know I have to leave Im just waiting for my heath to improve and needed to vent... thanks for listening

You've apparently already checked out so stop putting her through the ringer and let her be. As soon as you made her realize that what she was doing was a boundary cross, she shut it down and, in your own words:

she has done everything to reassure me that her hearts in the right place

I think this is a case of better the devil you know, Op then the one you don't. You're 50 and you're not well. Just how successful do you think you're going to be able to pull another woman like your current one. One who works out regularily and is still, by all accounts quite attractive? One who at the very least isn't loco in da head?

I say: Quit cutting off your own nose to spite your face and start trying to get back the emotional disconnect thats caused all this in the first place.

As for the double standard: Make a relationship boundary that you both can agree to and then you both stick to it. No one gets to cross it, m'kay? You may have to do some negotiation in order to think of a suitable compromise about interaction with the opposite sex. Just complaining about something and doing nothing about it is hardly engaging in conflict resolution.

[Tug]

If you dont know what your talking about you should keep your mouth shut. The disease I suffer from has no cure and I depend on no one to take care of me... let me repeat that I DEPEND ON NO ONE TO TAKE CARE OF ME! Because I am 50 years old doesnt mean i have one foot in the grave and another on a banana peel. I have taken control of my own health care and because I have I am a much stronger better person for it. No one, I repaet no one gives me anything, I pay for everything I have so your reference to cheap housing shows how ignorant you actually are. I wish I was around to see you get older and become ill, it would be so nice to see the one person you depend on kick you to the curb like yesterdays garbage... the garbage that you actually are. LOSER!

Classy! (not)

Stop using her for a nursemaid and cheap housing.

And for the record, if you are suffering long-term health issues in your 50s, you are unlikely to be 100% healthy again, so you'd better learn how to not drag everyone else down about it. What can be more boring than hearing someone go on and on and on about their health issues ad nauseum?

[ttylox]

I pay for everything I have so your reference to cheap housing shows how ignorant you actually are.

I wonder if this is why she's sticking with you when it sounds like she's trying to get attention in other places?

Honestly, it sounds like she might be out for some validation... and since everyone else has already given you such a hard time about the obvious - have you ever thought that maybe she's seeking all that attention from other men because she isn't getting enough from you? I understand how difficult it can be to pamper someone when you're sick... so now that you're feeling better, maybe it's time you start taking care of her again a little. Compliments go a long way... and from the sounds of it, this is a woman who appreciates it when men find her beautiful (perhaps, especially HER man?). Take her out to dinner, breakfast in bed... new running shoes?

Instead of throwing up your hands and saying you're ready to leave (when you feel better) *and yes I think that was a crappy thing to say* - why don't you try putting in some work and solving these issues together as a team? I hate how easily people give up... it's so sad to see. Quit treating your relationship like it's broken and keep in mind how it would feel if you were given up on just because you're not perfect or because you're having a hard time. You're so mad at people treating you like you've got one foot in the grave simply because you're il - but you're not willing to give your relationship the same credit?

And just a side note - what the HELL is with people talking about 50 like it's the end of the line?? Jesus, people.

[vashti]

If you dont know what your talking about you should keep your mouth shut.

I DO know what I'm talking about. I'm a nurse, so I think I am pretty well-aware of what happens to a body as it ages, and you YOURSELF said

I still have a way to go so just getting my things and moving out isnt an option

and

I know I have to leave Im just waiting for my heath to improve

Idiot.

[KingZ]

Hahaha. Vash, Tug is in his 50s and is probably too old to learn new things, especially when it's threatening to him.

It's exactly like trying to talk to you about Israeli war crimes.

[Ladybuggg]

you already open this topic a couple of weeks or more ago. so whats your point

[iamaninnocentma]

shh nigger

[iamaninnocentma]

sorry meant nagger

[Tug]

Hahaha. Vash, Tug is in his 50s and is probably too old to learn new things, especially when it's threatening to him.

It's exactly like trying to talk to you about Israeli war crimes.

King I may be 50 but dont look anywhere near my age its called "genetics". How said that someone such as King can even see that the replies to my post were threats, speaks volumes doesn't it? I was referred to as an idiot but yet I never made my replies to this topic personal or felt the need to resort to childish name calling such as "idiot". Forums such as this are meant to help people when going through something as traumatic as a break up or possible infidelity by their significant other but yet many of the responses to my post did none of that. Its unfortunately that the moderators of this site dont take more of an active roll in controlling some of the childish behavior that goes on here. Dont bother replying to this post as I dont see the need to read such negativity.

[Wakeup]

... So, howzzz the health these days, Tug. Still with the virile little womam or has she left You by now? O.o