Mixed signals. What is she thinking?

[Sirois]

Hi,

I went out with a girl 3 times and wondering if she goes out with me looking at me as a friend, out of politeness, or whether she has romantic interests in me.

I know her as she is a friend of an ex from a couple of years ago. The ex is no longer in the country and out of the picture.

She is somewhat shy and reserved, making it a bit difficult to gauge her interest in me.

I'll give the info in dot points, I will add my thoughts in brackets:
-We see each other on Saturdays, I pick her up, we go for drinks. Each of the 3 times I was the one who proposed to meet, and each time I got the bill for both our parts. (if she thought it was just as friends, I would expect her to pay for her share)
-She seems shy/nervous around me, but this is less obvious now. She plays with her hair when talking with me.
-She really dressed up the first 2 times we went out, yet last night she dressed much more casual (Losing interest?)
-She laughs at my jokes.
-The first time we went out, the next morning I got an sms telling me she had a good time and thanking me. The 2nd time we went out she sent me a similar sms but in the evening, and the third time I sent her an sms (she had a bit to drink and I asked her how she was feeling). This time she didn't say she had a good time though. (Again, losing interest?)
-Her sms's have become more scarce, and they are usually "cut off" by her saying "I'll let you rest then, have a good night/day". (If she was into me, I'd expect her to want sms chats to keep going)
-She has never asked me about my ex and she know I still keep contact with her. (this would be a perfect way to give me a sign that she is not interested, but has not done so)
-She mentioned her ex bf (she doesn't know I know about him) but has only referred to him as a friend of hers (if she saw me only as a friend, would she not say ex boyfriend, rather than a friend of hers?)

So, overall I am very unsure of what is going on.
I've shown some slight signs of interest (sms her, propose to meet up each time, take her to romantic, quiet places) but have not really made my intentions very clear and have not made any moves.
I believe there is a chance she may be confused as to my intentions as well.


At this stage I will now wait to see when she sms's me next, which I will use to gauge her interest in me. I feel a bit uneasy resting the whole "fate of the relationship" on something this simple, but I do not feel I have another option.

Any advice is appreciated.

[smackie9]

Women want to see a guy be confident, to take them by the hand, to take the lead. Stop with this, wait and see playing games crap. If you don't make a physical move soon, she will think you are too insecure, weak. Take her hand, move in for a kiss.....if she resists you have your answer. Grow some frickin balls......

[boom43]

None of the things you listed as things that make you think she is losing interest sound like she is losing interest to me.. just becoming more comfortable around you.

When I like a guy I dress more and more casually as I get to know him - I wanna be a bombshell on the first date or two, but after that I want them to fall for the real me - the girl who wears jeans and plain t-shirts.

Doesn't sound at all like mixed signals to me ... sounds like she wants to keep seeing you and see where it goes

[boom43]

You should end the next date with a peck on the cheek.

[Boisdevie]

You should end the next date with a peck on the cheek.

Peck on the cheek? That's for little children. Try to get into her pants and stop ****ing around.

[smackie9]

She isn't losing interest.....she is getting "discouraged" that you haven't made a move. You better step it up or she won't answer you at all.

[boom43]

Peck on the cheek gives her the option to accept it and send the signal she's interested, but allows her to stay in her comfort zone if she's not ready to sexualize the relationship. It also gives her the opportunity to turn in and make it a kiss on the mouth of whatever variety she'd like it to be. It also gives her the opportunity to turn that kiss on the mouth into "you should come in for a nightcap"....... Basically, it opens up all the options, puts her in the drivers seat, and doesn't cross anyone's boundaries - that is why it is the perfect way to end a date with someone you've not been physical with.

[boom43]

If she accepts the peck on the cheek this time but doesn't move in for a real kiss, then next time go in for the real thing and see how she reacts.

I'm with the others here - I think she's waiting for you to make a move.

[Sirois]

Thanks for the responses everyone.


Considering she would initiate contact before, and has stopped now, isn't this a sure sign that she has or is losing interest in me?

We met 3 times, and each time was spent fairly well. We speak English with one another, but English is neither hers nor my main language. Her English is considerably worse than mine which makes fluent conversation slightly challenging. Overall though we spoke, we laughed, and so on.
I don't feel I did anything wrong in anyway, other than possibly taking too long to "make a move", but I also think this is justifiable taking everything into account (how we know each other, the fact that our meeting was proposed on a friendly basis etc)

I haven't spoken to her since Sunday (Wednesday today) and usually we meet on Saturdays. I am unable to see her this weekend so if I haven't heard from her by Friday I will send her a text, tell her I am out of town for the weekend and suggest we meet on Sunday for a coffee or something.

Any suggestions, or ideas?

[Maple1714]

She is backing off b/c she wants you to take some initiative. Sounds like she likes you...so don't blow it. Call her...do not text and ask her out again. At the end of the date kiss her! Touch her etc...be a MAN. Show her you like her. Just do it and it will work.

[Sirois]

I ended up texting her today (Thursday). I chose text as I did not want to invite her over the phone and her say yes out of compulsion of being on the spot. Rather, I wanted her to have the option of being able to come up with an excuse of why she couldn't, as I am not interested in chasing her (I have reasons for this which I do not want to get into).

So, I asked her if she has plans for the weekend. She said no, just to stay at home and study as she has a lot to catch up to. Not sure how to take this. I know she does have a lot of uni work, but maybe this was the first hint of no.

I said "lets go for a non alcoholic drink on Sunday" (this was a bit of an inside joke as neither of us really drinks, and last Saturday we got a bit tipsy)
She mentioned that she doesn't like going on on Sundays, (she's made mention of this before, but again maybe it's the second hint that she doesn't want to) to which I replied to make it on Saturday. She asked where we'd go, I gave a suggestion, and she said ok with a smiley face, and that we'll talk till then.
I don't know how to take this. She didn't want to "lock it in" which maybe this is the 3rd hint that she is not interested?

[TheCafeTerrace]

Let's say she is losing interest, would you stop going out with her? If you like going out with her and she agrees to go out with you, go out with her. There's no point worrying about how interested she is. Just enjoy her company, make a move or two, and **** her brains out. You never know, your penis might rekindle her interest in you. ;-)

[Maple1714]

Sheesh - this is why you should have just called her instead of texting like I suggested.

Anyway, good for you for taking some initiative. Please call her on Saturday and not TEXT and confirm your date...listen to how she sounds...and you can just ask her straight up on your next date if she is interested in you as more than a friend. Just be straight froward. I know its hard sometimes, but its the only way.

[Cerby]

You lack confidence and it shows even in this thread. You are looking for reasons to validate why she isn't interested instead of actually trying to hold her interest. Not interested in chasing her? I interpret that as "I'm afraid to chase her", I can't think of a sound reason to be interested in someone and not chase them if you're both single, close, and available.

Grow a pair and make a move, stop over-analyzing her every reaction and instead make a move that shows interest yourself.

[Sirois]

I am not interested in chasing her because in 5 months I am moving to a different country. On top of that we are both from a conservative region of the world so if this progressed to a relationship, it would be an extremely slow progress.
Additionally I am mostly physically attracted to her rather than anything else, so it's not like I have a crush and want her desperately.


Maple1714, I was planning on confirming with her tomorrow (Friday) rather than last minute. I crave organization and can't leave it to the last minute. Any reason why calling her is better than texting? As mentioned I'd rather get a no via text than her accept for the wrong reasons.


I am fairly confident, but there are certain reasons which really force me to be certain about her interest before making a move.


All your advice and help is appreciated, but please take into consideration that I am confined by a less liberal society than other users here (I have noticed people who have helped me in this thread are from the US, Canada and UK).