Pregnant, dumped, kid, now she wants me back, and i moved on.. ugh please help!

[socasurfr223]

I could really use some insight here. I'm in quite the pickle..

I met this girl in highschool, we dated for a short time and I moved across the country. We reconnected (Thanks facebook) and started a long distance relationship about 2 years ago, which lasted about 7 months and then we broke up cause neither of us wanted to move (and she says cause I was afraid to commit to her with her two kids). She married some dude right afterwards, like 2 weeks later.

Anyway, I started seeing someone else and when that relationship didnt work out I went back home because I felt I missed her (baby momma) a lot. And she already divorced this guy... So we hung out for one week, had sex once, and she got pregnant. I didn't know because I had flown home, she let me know about 2 weeks later (and yes we were still talking again).

So I flew her out to see me and I proposed to her, I genuinely wanted to marry her. She went home and got her stuff in order and in storage and I flew her and her two kids out to move in with me in Miami. I kicked my roomate out, moved my dog outside, basically did everything I could for her to make her happy. The thing is, she didn't once tell me she loved me since she got off the plane in Florida. I figured hormones. She stopped kissing me, stopped showing any kind of appreciation, just got cold to me (not her kids). She was real sick w morning sickness lasting all day sometimes.

But her sickness went away around 8 weeks and and her attitude never changed. I told her it was killing me not having her tell me she loves me back or show me any kind of affection. She said she was confused and just needed time. Around 6 months in she told me she wanted to back to Oregon with or without me and I had to pay to send all her crap and her kids back. So I did, and communication pretty much stopped. She'd answer my calls with texts, but never respond with a call, never a miss you, a thank you, nothing. When I told her I couldn't do it anymore she said fine, but she said she didn't understand why i couldn't "wait". I felt like you either know or you don't know.

SO move ahead and the baby is born. I moved out to be near the baby and I met someone great, sweet and caring and understanding about my kid. But now my ex wants me back. Though the way she asked was just "dont you want to try". I said you don't love me and she said, i do. She didn't offer it, she hasn't asked me how im doing, she doesn't ever seem to care what I'm doing. She just said she wants me back.

But i dont feel like the issues I have are small.

- I never feel loved or appreciated, even now. Very rare thank you's, no words of kindess about me and my girl, zero, zip. We aren't together so maybe she's afraid to open up but she hasn't shown me feeligns like that since 2 years ago when we would meet up for our mini vacations.
- I never hear her tell her kids she loves them, she doesn't hug the when they leave for school or when they get back from a weekend away. Im afraid for my daughter to grow up with a mum like that and I don't know if her kids don't get it, how can I get her to warm up?
- She's so stoic she's like a cow standing in the rain, so to speak. She doesn't complain, doesn't share her feelings, doesn't tell me what hurts her or what makes her happy. It makes me feel alone when im with her, like I'm with someone devoid of emotion.
- Sex with her is pretty bad. Meaning it was even before she got pregnant. She doesn't kiss me or do any 4 play. It's like I'm supposed to get excited over a limp body (even though she's very beautiful).
- And then typical stuff, she hates my dog, my friends, doesnt like to socialize like i do, thinks im an alcoholic cause i have a glass of wine with dinner every night (or two).


So I sent her a breakdown of my main issues; that I need to be loved an appreciated every day, that I need to be respected, communicated with, and so on. After she initial said so there's no chance, she just replied with an "ok" at the bottom of each thing I brought up.. She still hasn't offered one single shred of affection other then keeping in touch, sending me lots of photos of the kid, and being smiley and friendly whenever I'm there seeing my kid.

I don't know what to do. I still care deeply for her and it hurts to be away from my kid. She wont communicate on the issues and hasn't really shown me that she does love me. I feel like she just wants me there to share in the burden she has. We do get along like best friends but there isn't sexual tension or anything anymore. And now this new girl I thought I loved I'm confused about, she's almost too good and Im just wondering what the hell is a guy to do? I'm afraid to try with her again to lose this super special girl (so far) that is her exact opposite in every bad area.. I'm also afraid to stay with this new girl and find out my ex has changed and she moves on and some other guy basically raises my daughter.

Could that all be hormones? Can women really be totally devoid of logic and emotion their entire pregnancy or is she just wanting what she can't have now?

Sorry for the wall of text and thx for your thoughts.

[smackie9]

Just shut up.......stay away from relationships for awhile, and just be the best supportive dad that kid could ever have.

Tip: don't have sex with unstable women, and wear a fickin condom as well as using spermicidal foam next time. Never ever trust a woman to use birth control properly.

[Angellic]

I think you need to accept that you are never going to have any kind of normal relationship with this woman. As Smackie says, be the best dad you can be (the kid didn't ask to be born after all) and keep your interactions with her mother to an absolute minimum. This woman clearly has massive issues. What kind of person gets married to someone else 2 weeks after a breakup?? That has to be the fastest romance in history, even by celebrity standards! So she was obviously screwing around on you already. I hate to ask, but are you 100% sure the kid is even yours? If you have ANY doubts on that score, ask for a DNA test.

Don't let what has happened with this woman stop you from having a loving relationshp with someone else. Your ex is not going to change and suddenly morph into a nice person, but she will probably rejoice in the fact she can continue controlling you and making you dance to her tune if you let her. So don't!!

[Maple1714]

This woman sounds crazy...crazier than me! Lol. You should try and focus on being a good father to your child and that's it. I think you are in love with the idea of who you want your babies mamma to be....she is not going to change. The true essence of a person does not change. She will not become more loving towards you or her children if you choose to give it another try. I would be worried about my child growing up in a home where there is not much love. It's so important to show affection to your kids...I am sorry to hear that this woman doesn't do that You have to focus on your daughter and show her enough affection and love to make up for her mother's lack of it.

Don't string this new woman along. If you still have feelings for your ex and are uncertain (sounds like you are) then you need to be alone and sort out your feelings alone. That is the best way. I have a lot of experience jumping from one relationship to the next to fill some emotional void/needs and that is not the right way to go through life. It's confusing as hell and you end up in situations like the one you are in. Good Luck!

[Cerby]

Tip: don't have sex with unstable women, and wear a fickin condom as well as using spermicidal foam next time. Never ever trust a woman to use birth control properly.

This is about the best advice you can get, but most guys willing to go swimming without a wetsuit the first time they f*ck some chick they barely know don't really think with this level of thought.

[bluesummer]

Sounds to me like she just wants you back so there's someone there to help her watch the kids and pay the bills.

Please don't go back to her.....she sounds about as capable of emotion as lump of dirt, and she's not going to change.

[IndiReloaded]

She's so stoic she's like a cow standing in the rain, so to speak. She doesn't complain, doesn't share her feelings, doesn't tell me what hurts her or what makes her happy. It makes me feel alone when im with her, like I'm with someone devoid of emotion.

But what changes has she really made? This^ is really worrying. Either she really IS this way, or she is so issued she needs professional counselling to help her overcome her emotional block.

Btw, some people really are happy with what I call a 'narrow emotional range'. Its just part of their personality. Often, they are very accomplished in other areas of their life. I lived in this kind of relationship for years. Its very challenging if you are wanting more of an emotional connection.

I'd tell you to move on and find someone more compatible, but your child complicates things.