My long distance problem

[InYourFACE]

Stp wasting your whole youth on bullshit and fantasy. get real.

[BravoCharlie]

I think if you've lost your job, you should consider moving over there. I don't mean to be rude but it doesn't sound like you've got alot going for you at the moment where you are. I would look for a menial job in the meantime, apply for a working visa, and save up for a one-way ticket - try to look for some good deals on. It's a lot easier to save when you have something to save for, I find. That way when you're over there you can save the money for the flight home. It might be a drastic change but it could be the best thing you've ever done. And let's be honest, even if it doesn't work out, would you be any worse off?

[Boisdevie]

I think if you've lost your job, you should consider moving over there.

Excellent idea. Especially since the unemployment levels in the USA are so low at the moment.

[SuckerForLove87]

You wanted advice. I gave you my advice. FYI I have a girlfriend, a real girlfriend who I get to spend real time with in the REAL WORLD. You don't so I think that makes you a moron.

Total asshole alert ^^

[SuckerForLove87]

I think if you've lost your job, you should consider moving over there. I don't mean to be rude but it doesn't sound like you've got alot going for you at the moment where you are. I would look for a menial job in the meantime, apply for a working visa, and save up for a one-way ticket - try to look for some good deals on. It's a lot easier to save when you have something to save for, I find. That way when you're over there you can save the money for the flight home. It might be a drastic change but it could be the best thing you've ever done. And let's be honest, even if it doesn't work out, would you be any worse off?

Well first of all thank you for not just calling me a moron.. or swearing at me haha

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with regards to my life at the moment haha and yeah I thought about the whole working visa thing.... is it really that easy though? It seems very hard to emigrate to the US nowadays, I've spoke to her about this too, she says she could probably get me a job if I moved out there... would a working visa allow me to stay over there permanently though? or just a couple years?

[j-white]

Wow there really are some insulting a***holes on these forums. I feel you op. I just started a LDR very recently. Im lucky that its not so far. I can afford to fly there once a month or so. But a 3week gap of not seeing her is like torture.
Problem for you is its been two years now. Thats a long time considering you havent thought of a plan to be together physically. Its only been a month for us and were trying to come up with something in time for when she finishes uni.
I'd say if you cant come up with a viable solution to be together in the near future you should probably admit defeat. You're both wasting your youth if you keep this up.

[SuckerForLove87]

Wow there really are some insulting a***holes on these forums. I feel you op. I just started a LDR very recently. Im lucky that its not so far. I can afford to fly there once a month or so. But a 3week gap of not seeing her is like torture.
Problem for you is its been two years now. Thats a long time considering you havent thought of a plan to be together physically. Its only been a month for us and were trying to come up with something in time for when she finishes uni.
I'd say if you cant come up with a viable solution to be together in the near future you should probably admit defeat. You're both wasting your youth if you keep this up.

Well thanks for feeling my pain mate, and not just coming in here and telling me how much of an asshole I am haha!

Yeah I guess 2 years is kind of a long time.. We're both just trying to keep the faith that one day we will be together.. living happily ever after, and all that cheesy stuff haha.
But obviously I am having crazy thoughts that it's not going to work out long-term, otherwise I wouldn't be posting in an online "love advice" forum!

It's not that we havent thought of a plan... for me, it's literally just my lack of funds at the moment... like, if I had a spare £500 lying around I would fly over there tonight.... I NEED A JOB!!!

By the way.. you say not seeing her for 3 weeks is like torture..... do you do the whole webcam thing when you're not together? if not get downloading yahoo/msn messenger

[Saya]

Well first of all thank you for not just calling me a moron.. or swearing at me haha

You pretty much hit the nail on the head with regards to my life at the moment haha and yeah I thought about the whole working visa thing.... is it really that easy though? It seems very hard to emigrate to the US nowadays, I've spoke to her about this too, she says she could probably get me a job if I moved out there... would a working visa allow me to stay over there permanently though? or just a couple years?

Working holiday visa is for only one year... you can travel, work or study with that visa.
If you have relative in US then it would be so much either for you to get the Green card.
What a lot of people do is, get a working holiday visa and work at a really good company, and then show them that you are a good employee and if your lucky, they can sponsor you to get the Green card.
But if you work at a place like Walmart, I doubt no one can sponsor visa for you.
What kind of work did you used to do? What kind of qualification do you have? I am not sure what kind of employment are needed in US at the moment, but if they are short for that employment then most likely they can sponsor you to get the green card.
Eg, in AU (Where I am) Before hairdresser/chef/ Dr/IT are shorted and needed, so a lot of people who have that qualification or experience, they'll start working in that industry for couple years and they'll get sponsor by the company (If they are lucky) and receive Green card. (A lot of my friends have done this and they have Permanent residency visa here in AU (Same visa as Green Card) )

Or other option is....to marry your gf so that you can get dual-citizen.
A lot of my friends does this since it is really hard to get a proper visa in US.

[TheBoyNorth]

Ok, first of all I am a little disgusted to see some of the short sighted replies on your post, and I'd like to apologise on behalf of these people that clearly haven't taken much thought about your feelings. This is a relationship forum, is it not? This is a post about a relationship. I might differ from possibly the majority of people's, so what they appear to class as a relationship is very different from you.

Anyway, I am currently half in/half out of a LDR as well. It's not quite as extreme as yours, my girlfriend of 3 and a half years has recently gone off to University. We struggled like hell for the first month she was gone. It was mainly me that struggled as she was off having new experiences. That's neither here nor there, but what it seems to me is this isn't really a case of a LDR problem. You've had a LDR for 2 years and you have coped just fine. I'm not saying being apart isn't a bad thing for you, but I think you need to focus a bit on yourself for a little while.

You say you've lost your job and are now in a bit of an economical crisis. You need to get yourself sorted before making any decisions to do with your girlfriend. You're not going to have much of a relationship left if you can't pay your bills and you get evicted and/or lose the ability to contact her. So first bit of advice, get your own life back on track. Let her know you need to spend some time sorting yourself out and she will understand if there's a little less contact for a short while.
Once you've got yourself sorted, you then have to make a decision with what you want to do about this relationship. I'm going to give you a couple of choices, they're not your only choices, and you can agree or disagree with either or both of them.

1. You come to terms that it might never happen with this girl, and break it off as a relationship. I'm guessing this isn't your ideal choice, but you have to look at it from a logical point of view. You're over 3,000 miles apart. Being with each other physcially just might never happen with her, and that is a vital part of a relationship and is a key factor in why so many LDRs don't work out. You've built up strong feelings towards this girl, considering her your best friend as well as your girlfriend. You can take this as a positive if you decide to take this option, and be thankful that you've gained such a special friend in your life. At which point, once you've healed from the obvious heartbreak of a break up, you can try to move on and find someone that you can physically be with.

2. You start saving up enough money to get a one way flight to her, and look for a place to live. This is going to be no easy feat by any means. The flight alone, like you said is several hundred pounds to begin with. If this is something you would like to consider, do your homework. Look for places nearby where she lives, look at how much rent will cost and get her to help you look for jobs in her area. You will need to save enough money to keep yourself going for a few months if no form of work comes around, as well as enough money for a return flight home in case all goes to pot. You have to ask yourself if she is worth going there to live and leaving your life in the UK behind. Going back and forth every few weeks/months just won't work financially, and once you've physically been together, being away from each other will feel so much harder, trust me. You also need to realise that although you feel this strongly about each other, you've never had to live with each other, spend nights together and find out bad habits about each other that can sometimes cause friction in a relationship. If you take this course of action, you need to go into it with an open mind and prepare yourself for the fact that it could work out really well, or it could go horribly wrong. Take it slow and treat it as if you were completely new to each other is my advice on that part.

That's all I can really say on the matter. But the same thing goes with my advice as every bit of advice that anyone can ever possibly give; you take it or you don't. No one can give you the perfect piece of advice, no one can truly understand how you feel about each other and no one can ever, ever, make your mind up for you. But like everyone on these forums, we're here to help and likewise when we need to recieve some support back. It's neutral, friendly advice (for the most part) that are simply a helping hand for you to make your own choices in life.

I would also like to point out that the chances of anyone being able to give advice from a point of view that they've been in the same situation is probably very slim. So keep in mind that people, like myself, are speaking out of opinion and are just giving you ideas.

I hope everything works out for you in life and you can find true happiness one day. It's what everyone strives for in life and if you find it, hold onto it.
Please post back when you have made your decision and keep everyone up-to-date on how your life is going. It's always nice to know how people's situations have turned out and it can really be beneficial to anyone in the future that finds theirself in your situation.

All the best.

[SuckerForLove87]

@BoyNorth

Firstly, thank you so much for typing all that out, it means a lot pal

Yeah tell me about it! I guess there is always going to be people out there that want to start petit internet "tit for tat" with a total stranger.. Pretty sad if you ask me haha.

Obviously, in an ideal world I would go for your option 2.. but we dont live in an ideal world.. if we did, I wouldnt be in this situation to begin with.
Moving over there is definitely something I would like to look into more though.. even though it seems like just getting a visa alone is extremely hard work!! It's not like I'd be leaving much behind here in the UK though (barring family/friends of course).. I'm a bit of an Xbox geek, so I'd still talk to my friends (also a bunch of xbox geeks haha) online pretty much everyday for free anyway, I guess that would help me cope with the inevitable homesickness!

But yeah, like you say.. my main priority at the moment is to find some sort of employment, and getting my life back on track.. then we can go on from there.. I told her this, and she understands totally.

Thanks again for your excellent post mate, I really do appreciate it... and yes, I will definitely keep you updated with how we're getting on.. who knows, I might even be updating from the USA next time!!