LDR=Unsureness. Tried talking to him not sure how or if to proceed

[curiouslyblue]

In a long distance relationship, 5 months now. When we are together it's amazing, both ways. Problem is we are 900 miles apart right now. I started feeling a bit insecure not that he was cheating or anything but just wanted to get clarity. We have been exclusive for about 3 months now. The idea has been thrown out there that I might move back (its my home town) if we want to take this farther. This has all been guided talk from him, I don't want to pressure him or the relationship, 5 months is not long. Him being a man and me a women I hate to assume things and I was getting a little frustrated so I wanted to talk about us to figure out what he thought. I know he means what he says when he tells me he thinks of me and the what nots but we got into a misunderstanding while (texting imagine that) last week. I was unable to get back to him and he felt I was mad and wanted to end things. He sent a snappy message fine it over. When I was able to get back to him he understood and said he was sorry.
It was really bugging me so I thought talking to him about it would help. Wrong, he is not good at expressing emotion (which I know he does in his own little way) but he said he felt it was right to say at the time. I told him I don't know what that means. Do you want it to be over, or? He said I mean everything to him and he does not want to hurt me (not sounding good to me) and I should decide. To me it sounds like a cop out, he seems to care but he can't tell me he wants the relationship nor is he willing to work for it? It was really quite on the phone I don't want to push him, I tried to explain that I don't understand what he means and it ended up with him saying he had to go. I could tell he was upset.
I have not called him back and don't know if I should. Do I give him time? Do I move on? We are in our mid to late thirties, on his end a lot has been going on with work and other distractions. What do I do? I do care for him, I believe he cares for me or am I all wrong?

[smackie9]

Well if you move does it mean moving in with him? I say you can take the pressure off by having your own place and continue dating.

[curiouslyblue]

Thanks for replying. When I brought up moving back I said out right I can get a place, I took the pressure as well by reminding him I do have family and friends still their and I have always thought about moving back. Making sure to disconnect the thought of me just moving simply because of him but that it would be nice to see what it would be like being a more normal couple. I have never been the one to talk about living together. He has mentioned it several times and I just try to move around it because Im not sure what to say. I know he has a hard time with expressing those scary emotions and I try to leave it all wide open for him.
I feel almost like he wants me and this relationship just because of the distance. Mini factions and little real responsibility.
Do I try to talk to him or just leave him and let him have his space for a few days. How much can someone care about you really when they know you are hurting and you just tell them you can't talk about it and hang up?
Why can't he just be consistent? I have dated people and they have told me where they stand. He is back and forth, what is that in man speak?
Can I barrow the decoder ring please?

[smackie9]

I suspect there is another contributing factor in this.....when a man gets apprehensive about something like this, he is hiding something.....and that isn't good. If he can't be honest with you then there is no point in continuing. Tell him you are not going to play guessing games with him. If he can't openly talk to you, then this is a big red flag....no real relationship can survive like this.

[Stillits]

This is almost exactly the situation I was in with my ex, except we were (are) younger and we were together for 2 years before the talk of me moving closer transitioned from talk to a realistic opportunity because of the available education in his country. He was apprehensive too and he pulled back the last few months of the relationship because of this. I also then got the feeling he wanted me and the relationship exactly because of the distance for the reasons you mentioned yourself.
I don't think it's a good sign for you, even though you two haven't been together for so long.. In a long distance relationship that you want to work in the long haul, you need to have goals to live closer within a certain time frame, otherwise there is no chance for it to work out and you may as well give up the thought of a real relationship with this person.. I agree with smackie9 here.