Dont know what to do, stick or go for new...

[bazbee]

Hi

My dilema in a nutshell is shall i stay with my current girlfriend or leave and go with a (sort of) new girl.

The Current Girlfriend
Ive been with my current girlfriend for just over 3 years and everything has been fine, she lives approx 100 miles away but its an easy journey by train and we've been getting along fine. The distance has not really been an issue until approx 18 months ago she became ill and without going into the details she deteriorated slowly to the point where she recently needed some pretty major surgery. She is just now recovering from this and this has been a big struggle for her understandably and also for me especially with the distance.

Ive delt with everything from her wanting to be dead to being in some horrible states of health that nobody should ever be in, shes also one of those people who like to make a bit of a drama out of nothing which doesnt help at a time like this and sometimes becomes very frustrating for the people trying to help you (ultimate respect for doctors and nurses dealing with this sort of thing all the time)

Ive been pinning my hopes on her getting better after surgery and her mood changing and becoming positive again but its not happening and shes determined that this is it for the rest of her life shes going to be ill.

The illness / disease has now gone with the surgery and she can now live a full and normal life, its a common illness and surgery which thousands of people have and live perfectly fine lives with but she doesnt want to do this, its in her head that shes ill and thats that as far as shes concerned.

I like to think i can put up with anything as long as theres a reason for it, its not her fault she got ill and while her parents and others have gotten stressed out and snapped about things ive always kept my head and just accepted that this illness is just one of those things. Now however im coming towards the limit of what i can put up with, especially as shes now decided she cant be bothered with it all anymore.

So, 3 years ive been with her and only knew her a month or so before we got together through a mutual friends intorduction.

The Casual Fun Girl
I have before meeting my current girlfriend been having what i call some casual fun, no strigns, whatever you want to call it with a girl who i have known for approx 7 years. While i have been with my current girlfriend i have cheated on her several times with this casual fun girl and me and casual fun girl are kind of like secret best friends, we know everything about each other, we know all the stuff your not supposed to tell anyone and mainly due to the state of mind of my girlfriend we have become closer friends over the last year or so.

By mutual agreement myself and the casual fun girl (who also has a boyfriend) have agreed that we need to stop this cheating mainly because she has feelings for me and if its not going anywhere then its not fair on her to keep going and messing with her head. I agree with this completly and as we cant change the cheating that we've been doing in the past i think its the adult thing to do here. We are still really good friends and i honestly think we always wil be, we get on brilliantly.

We agreed this approx a week ago and we also agreed that we'll have a couple of weeks of no contact mainly so she can have some time to try and sort out some long standing issues with her boyfriend. Again we both agree this is the adult thing to do and im 100% fine with that.

The dilema now comes because ive said in the past to fun casual girl that i dont have feelings for her or "i do like you but im really happy with my girlfriend" (you would expect a slap for that one but no, she understands), now however since we agreed to stop (approx a week ago) i realise that i do have feelings for her. Stopping our thing and the first week of no contct has shown me this, i miss her like mad but ive kept it to myself for now and said nothing.

We've both agreed to not continue with the cheating because we are both well aware ang agree that we are being horrible to our respective partners by doing this and if were serious about our current relationships then we need to put the fun in the past and be grown ups.

Casual fun girl will ditch her current boyfriend in an instant if i said i wanted to be with her, thats her words not just my assumption and i believe her.

Advice Please!

Mainly, what would you do taking all points into consideration?

and what im also trying to figure out is "if i want to try make a go of it with casual fun girl then how the hell am i going to break up with a girl whos recovering from major surgery without looking like an utter b*st*rd"

I cant just ask a friend because nobody knows this casual thing has been going on so its over to you.... any advice would be greatly appreciated and rewarded with many smiles

[bcgirl]

Dump your gf, u obviously don't like her. U and casual girl should be together since u two are cheaters. What makes u think she would dump her bf for u?

[just_shane]

Yeah man, dump her. I don't agree with cheating, but I'm not judging you...but it is common knowledge that if you cheat on someone more than once, that proves that your feelings aren't strong enough for her.

I'm sure you care for your girlfriend, but it may not be in the relationship sense. Plus, you say your girl is dramatic. If she found out you cheated multiple times, imagine the drama you'd go through with that breakup.

Do the right thing and end it.

[bazbee]

Dump your gf, u obviously don't like her. U and casual girl should be together since u two are cheaters. What makes u think she would dump her bf for u?

She said in her own words she would, thats basically why we are ending it because she wants to get together i riginally said i didnt, now im not sure what to do. Having the week or so apart is her way to try and ge tit in her head that shes not going to end up with me so might as well stay with her boyfriend.

[bazbee]

Yeah man, dump her. I don't agree with cheating, but I'm not judging you...but it is common knowledge that if you cheat on someone more than once, that proves that your feelings aren't strong enough for her.

I'm sure you care for your girlfriend, but it may not be in the relationship sense. Plus, you say your girl is dramatic. If she found out you cheated multiple times, imagine the drama you'd go through with that breakup.

Do the right thing and end it.

A fair point on how she would react and thanks for the reply, i think its going to end up me leaving and going for the new, just need to think for a short while. Because of the situation with the distance between us there isnt really much chance of her finding anything out while casual fun girl and me have ended it. At least that gives me some time to think about it.