Completely Broken- please help?

[Artystar]

Hi all

This is my first time posting in this forum so apologies for the length of this. My ex dumped me 6 months ago after 2 years together, he suffered from depression and felt unhappy with life generally. During our relationship he had an affair which I had forgiven after much begging. I truly loved him and it felt like this was it.After we broke up he continued to contact me, I tried to move on but was so in love with him I couldn't. One time he even pretended that he was going to cut himself deeply so I would go around - it was superficial cuts. Then a few weeks later he asked to try again, I agreed, he lost his job during this time and I helped him find another another -basically writing the application for him. Two weeks later though he dumped me for getting with a guy when we had broken up, said he thought about it and actually couldn't deal with it. I was so angry.

Weeks later he started contacting me again saying he still loved me, I was so scared and got on with life. A month in I assessed my feelings and wrote him a letter, saying I still cared he wrote one back and we agreed to try again, SLOWLY. He said he still loved me. He was in a happier place and things were getting better for him. As well as his full time job he had taken up a part time job as a club doorman.

However just like the first time there was no trying on his part, it was all me. He then said he didn't want a relationship needs to work on himself and could we be friends! my crushed heart was so broken but said let's give it a go, as the thought of losing him completely really hurt. He text me a week later saying he had a dream, we got married, saying he missed me.

This week he tells me has a new gf, a barmaid in the club he works in. She is 7 years younger, aged 20. I am devastated feel betrayed and hurt. He says he doesn't love me any more but does care about me! They spend a lot of time together and I think it could be something. She is very beautiful and intelligent, she also seems cool, likes photography and writing. But I'm so confused how his feelings for me could switch off so quickly. He's moved on and I've been left heartbroken, and broken spirited.

It's gone on far too long now, I've reacted badly to the gf news going a bit crazy. I've since apologised for my anger, told him I wish him the best but we can't be friends.

He doesn't even seem to care I'm not around anymore. I guess my question is is this, has he gone forever? Don't get me wrong I don't what him back but I feel like I have no closure, I don't get it and I wonder will he ever think of me again? please help? I've always been a strong person but I genuinely thought this was it and he was the one, I've let him get the better of me and now I don't know what to do. I want to be happy again. I'm 26 and scared I will never find love again, I have a good career, good friends and family and a great life before I met him, but now I feel broken I can't compete with 20 year old beautiful women!

[cheeze_guy]

I would say if you keep him around like you do you will never feel free from all the crap. I am not a pro but I know that for the last 2 months I had been trying to fix a relationship that couldn't be. And focusing my energy on that left me no time to worry about my real feelings. Now that we are broken up and not talking I know that I can actually move forward (she cheated).

And to think you can't compete with a 20 year old is insanity! My ex was 23 and honestly I know the games that she played were because she was so young... ask me if I will date anyone under 25 anymore? lol I am 27

[Artystar]

Lol, would you date anyone under 25

No I know that's true and this time I am determined to forget about him so have deleted all contact, including his parents from fb etc.

However, it still doesn't completely take the pain away I feel like he's broken me and then moved on. I wasn't begging him to get back together he came to me! He dumped me and then went down this track each time. I find it quite cruel. This time I think he has gone for good but having left me very bruised, although I know its my fault too for letting him do it

I don't really get the young gf thing, I'm not saying age is always an issue but in this case it seems odd. I get it on a superficial level as she is beautiful and i'm sure adores him but surely she will eventually want other things, she only left school a year ago and he is 27! She's at uni and when I was that age it was all about having fun with my friends and thinking about where life would take me next.

I guess the whole thing has massively knocked my self esteem.

[cheeze_guy]

Exatcly how I feel really... We had been fighting for over a month and I was ready to leave then but she kept saying we need to work it out... Meanwhile she was cheating.

I feel broken but not helpless and I did the whole deleting everyone from her life off my stuff and I mean all that can happen now is we move forward. Sounds really nice actually don't think that because he is an idiot and you seem to not hate this girl that it will get better on its own you gotta take charge or stay in limbo.

And at least you know how it really is so get rid of him now before she turns 23 and has no Idea what she wants and he comes crawling back.

You gotta know you are better then that. I know that just from reading your post imagine the next guy who crosses your path and is ready to swipe you off your feet like you deserve! Ah yes it is their loss

[Artystar]

[QUOTE=cheeze_guy;837748]Exatcly how I feel really... We had been fighting for over a month and I was ready to leave then but she kept saying we need to work it out... Meanwhile she was cheating.

Ah that sounds awful, I just don't understand why people behave like that. I guess I see things in a very black and white fashion sometimes i.e. if you love someone you dont cheat, if you want to you leave them. If you don't want to be with someone don't tell them you do! As someone who has been cheated (by this guy!) I know how it feels. But think you have made exactly the right decision. I decided to forgive him after much begging and look where it got me! You deserve better than that! I read your other post and it sounds like a nightmare.

Thank you! I am going to concentrate on myself now and be the best I can be, I have a lot going for me and I've let this my ex control so much. I was always the strong one in our relationship and he gradually broke me down, sometimes I think he couldn't handle it. Used to say things like 'I don't know where I fit in your life' when I was doing everything to make him part of it. He has low self esteem and I think he felt I made it worse never did that on purpose, just I have plans for life! Now its my self esteem that is suffering.

I dont hate this girl but I am a little jealous of her, she is young, pretty and fun. I guess if they work i'll wonder what it is she has? I don't ever want to talk to him again but a very small part of me is angry at him and can't believe that he's done this again and i've let him. And i want him to regret it, is that just nasty?

I'm going to try and turn that aggression into something positive because I know I have more to give to the world. You sound like you do too.

[cheeze_guy]

I can't tell you how sad I am for you but how glad I am that I am not alone. I am telling you my ex would say all kinds of things to keep me and I know she is depressed but it made me depressed and I am usually a really happy guy. I thinkj it's really funny how your partners attitude has a huge effect on you and I guess I was always naive and figured no one could faze me and what I did never really has long term effects on other peoples lives.

I think we will both learn a lot from our experience and I know only positive things can come out of all this. And yes I will continue to give to the world and be patient that my beautiful other is not so far away because I know somewheer out there is a woman like you not looking for games and just looking towards the future

[Artystar]

I am also glad i'm not alone, although its not nice to go through at all! Yeah its really weird isn't it how people can be emotionally draining. I don't know but from experience I think if you are a strong and positive person, weaker and insecure people want to draw on that strength but they cant really take it and end up draining you. Obviously this is only if you let them and I guess in the future I will be wiser to the signs.

I agree that the experience teaches you a lot and make you stronger. Games are such a waste of time and I'm pleased there are guys who also agree! Relationships should allow each other to have personal space and room to grow, but people shouldn't have to play games to get attention or support.

Heres to the future

[Artystar]

He rang me yesterday, I answered as had deleted his number and didn't recognise it. Think that pissed him off a bit as he realised I didn't recognise him straight away. He then asked if I still wanted to have a talk after my answer phone message on Sunday and I said 'no, think I had said everything I had wanted to.' Don't think he will contact me know, I have no more left to give.