What hurts the most - is that in a way she do love me

[Finalone]

What hurts the most


How could this happen?
How could I fall in love with my best friends girlfriend?
How could it be that I found out your were the right woman in MY life?
How could you like me that much?

You are my best friends girlfriend.
We became friends so easy.
We became so very good friends so easy.
We never looked or thought about each other as anything but friends.
My best friend loved how well we got along.
We were all so happy.

You and I trusted each other. There is no other way of saying it.
We looked in each others eyes and found warmth, care and trust.
I loved you as a human and as a friend.
You loved me as a human and as a friend.
We laughed together.
We talked about everything.
We hugged each other and liked it.
You were always there for me.
I was always there for you.

But then one day I found that I loved you more than "just" a human and a friend.
I knew that I also loved you as a woman.
The most perfect and right woman I've ever met.
I knew that I was faling so fast and heavy in love with you.
I knew I had never loved, wanted and needed any girl like loved, wanted and needed you.

My life turned black.
How could this happen?
I could never want my best friends girlfriend.
What kind of a friend is that.
I could never want you - my so good friend.
What kind of a friend is that.
That is not right.
That is so wrong.

The demons I never knew existed where there - all around.
I tried to kill how much I liked you.
I really tried.

But I could not stop loving you so much.
I had to find out if you liked me too.
After all you did like me so much.
Maybe you loved me too?

I had to find out.
So little did I try to do to find out.
But you knew it right away.
You were so frightened.
What was I doing?
We were friends.
What was I doing?

I was so frightened.
What was I doing?
How can I do that to my best friend and the woman I loved so much.
I was ready to stop.
I didn't want this.

But you started to be relaxed around me again.
You started to look me too much in my eyes.
You started to enjoy my hugs way too much.

We flirted.
Ever so little.
So unbeknownst to anyone.

But we knew what was going on.

More and more.
Without anyone seeing it we were so happy together.
More than anytime before.
We were so gentle.

I will never forget your eyes.
So warm.
So happy.
So much filled with passion.

I had to tell you.
I had to tell you that I loved so insane much.
I took your hand and you so insecure and tender took my hand.
I told you.
I told how crazy much I loved you.

You said nothing.
Only smiled.
I said kiss me.
You did - for the first time.

But you turned away.
You left me.
You loved my friend way too much for this to happen.
You told me so.

You said to me:
"I just wished you never felt you had to say it to me,
I knew it all the way,
But what can I do know?
I love my boyfriend so much,
It is him I wan't to live the rest of my live with"

Of cause I let you go.
It's the right thing to do.

I just miss you so much.
I miss how much I loved you as a human and you loved it.
I miss how much I loved you as a friend and you loved it.

But what hurt the most is how much I love you as a woman.
And knowing that in a way you love me very too much too as a man.

[cheeze_guy]

I can't even hit on my friends girlfriends let alone actually make a move... Even after they break up... But I guess that is where my loyalty lies.

[kamani]

Well, this may happen to anybody.

Read about 'emotional affairs' and 'Not Just Friends' by Sherly Glass, not to fall in the same trap again.

I understand your pain. Good Luck.