Not-so Cliche Torn

[OonaDeSade]

Hello, I have never posted in a forum before, however I am at wits end with myself.
Firstly, my conundrum concerns me, my new (this month) husband, and a recent ex lover.
My husband, Erik, and I have been together for 2 years. We just married the 16th of this month. We have been through so much in our compact relationship. He has helped me stop drinking (I was a heavy heavy drinker for 4 years, hospitilized 3 times for seizures), I helped him with his abusive habits. We suffered a miscarriage within the first 6 months of our relationship. I was raped by a friend directly after he and I moved in together. We returned this past January from a cross country tour in which we each met our respective family members. We have been homeless for months, living in his car and on the beaches down south. All of this, plus much more, and we are stronger than ever. He is my world, and it brings me so much joy everyday knowing that he loves me just as much in return and we are here eternally for one another.
This past Summer, when we finally got out of the car and into an apartment again, our neighbors stopped over the first week. They were having a birthday party for one of the men who lived there (Harry) and wanted to invite us. We said yes and my husband made a smoking buddy and I fell madly in lust with Harry.
It was quite whirlwind after that. I was still drinking all day every day and I left my Erik, with out thinking about it, and moved in with Harry. I have only ever been in 3 relationships before this all my life and never lived with any of the others before I moved in with Erik, so this was a major change for me. I lived in the other side of the other block for weeks with Harry while Erik stayed next door every day begging me to come back. I cried and said no no no. I thought I was happy where I could drink all day, party all night, have amazing sex, and be this mans (harrys) lucky star. Harry was recently released from prison after 20 or so years. He is 50 and I am 24 this month (Erik is 30).
I left Harry after a few months and amazingly Erik took me back without question (he had moved by then). He wanted to get married the second I got sober, so we waited for a few weeks after my last drink and tied the knot. Marriage (the paper forms, ceremonies, etc.) mean almost sqaut to myself and Erik, but we did it short and sweet for our families.
Harry contacted me about a car accident he caused and wanted to know if I would appear in court for him this month. I went to his house to see the papers and I wanted him so so bad. He tells me I am the only thing worth living for and he cries. I question myself: Who am I to deny this man happiness he desires? If I truly am like nothing else h has ever had (relationship-wise), and he only has so many years left, shouldn't he have some of that happiness everyone chases? I miss his strentgh and sterness everyday. I miss his conversations and adventure swelled world.
Yet, I will forever worship and adore my respectable husband. I would appreciate any advice on why the HELL I am feeling these things or if I really am still just a silly little girl getting ahead of herself as usual.

[ttylox]

Wow. Is this for real? Poor (stupid) Erik!

You should get a divorce and release this guy from your talons. What you do after that, I don't care.