Does he like me or....or what?

[lupus_solus]

Hello guys!

I really need a piece of advice from a male perspective (but if some women want to give me one, I'd be glad too ). This post is probably going to be long, sorry about that but I am really puzzled and I need to let it all out and consult with you guys.

Here's the deal. I am 21. I am a foreign student in one of European countries. P is 29. I first met him last summer. The company he works at is doing a project with my country so we first met when he came to my hometown on a business trip. I helped them translate a presentation to my native language and that's how we met. I liked him from the beginning but at first it was nothing special. We just spent some time chatting. Then he and his colleagues left and I haven't heard from them until March. In March I thought it would be great to find a part-time job. I sent my CV to several language schools and one of them offered me a job as a teacher of my native language. They said they had already had a student for me. Surprisingly enough, this student was P. He had already had another teacher but the wasn't happy with her so he was looking for a new one.

So I started teaching him. Two weeks later I got another student who worked at the same company, M. I still teach them both. Just for your information, M is married so even though he is a nice guy there's nothing between us and can't possibly be. From March to June there was nothing but a teacher-student kind of relationship. In June I went home but we kept having lessons through Skype. In August P and his colleague went on a business trip again so we met a couple of times, I helped them with some translations and three of us went for coffee together. I could tell P was glad to see me but it didn't really think much of it. Then P's colleague got sick and had to leave earlier so P was left alone in my hometown. P messaged me and asked what there is to see in the city. I recommended a couple of places to him and told him to be careful because there can be some thieves at one of the places. He messaged me several minutes later and asked: "Listen, do you want to go with me? We could check the place out and talk in -my native language- the whole time we are going to be there. It would be a conversation-like lesson. Or would you rather have an ordinary one through Skype?". I said it was an interesting idea. He came and picked me up by taxi. We checked the place out, he took some pictures of the place and then just spent about two hours walking along the streets. We ended up talking in his native language At 10 pm I had to leave although he seemed like he wanted to walk more. I didn't leave because I wanted to but because I really had to go. I would have stayed if I could. He didn't try to kiss me or anything? we were just walking and talking. We had a great time anyway.

Then he went back and so did I a month later. He offered to pick me up at the railway station "so you wouldn't have to deal with buses and stuff". In September he asked if I could work for their company as a part-time translator. I am no expert in the field they are working at and they could have easily worked with a professional translating agency but he kept insisting I should do it. Then two weeks later he said it would be great if I was given a table at one of the offices so I could come and work right there and consult the guys whenever I wasn't sure what a partucular piece of text meant. He arranged everything,I was given a visitor card and a table. He works on the 3rd floor and I was seated on the 4th one. He was like: "Oh I just realised there was some free space on my floor as well! That's a shame, you could have sat there". One day he offered to pick me up from school and take me to the office. He did that. It was 6 pm, I was sitting there translating a document when he showed up with a pizza he clearly had just ordered. He said: "I suppose you haven't eaten today, am I right?". That was very sweet of him. So I saw him often during the day and in the evening he would message me on Skype. Not every day but as often as four times a week or so. He would ask me a work-related question and then we would chat for a while about general stuff.

One morning I came to work early because I had a language lesson with M. P called me and asked where I was. I said I was having a lesson. He asked: "With whom?". I said: "M". When the lesson was over P came and gave me a document to translate. He said the document was needed to be translated asap even though it didn't look much like it. He said: "I didn't realise you had a lesson today. I thought you would be available for translating in the morning". Then he asked: "Would you mind if we cancelled M's lessons? You are going to be pretty busy and M isn't going to be actively involved in the project so he won't need -my native language- anyway". I said I would mind because I liked teaching and I didn't want to lose a student, besides, I was employed by the language school as well and I didn't feel like standing them up for the sake of my translating job. I said I would try my best to combine university and both part-time jobs.

So I was sitting there translating when M showed up with a USB stick. He asked me to give him some films in -my native language- so he could watch them and practice. The films were big files and it took them a while to be copied so M just sat there and we were chatting about general stuff. Suddenly, P showed up, he wanted to talk to the guy who worked at the same room where I was sitting. When he saw M, he looked at him like .... well, I guess his face expression could be interptered like this: "What the f...? What the hell is HE doing here?!". I guess P looked like he wanted to eat M

One evening I was at home translating when I realised I didn't have a couple of software programs which were quite necessary for translating. I messaged P and he said: "Wait, I think I have the setup files. Yes, I do". I asked if he could send them to me. He said: "No, it's a bad idea, my internet is slow and it would take long. Do you mind if I show up at your place and give the files to you?". I said I wouldn't mind. It was 9:30 pm. He came over. I asked him if he wanted some tea or anything. He said he didn't. He just gave me the files and left :confused:

So I would come to the office whenever I had something to translate and P would sometimes take me home by car. Every now and then he would message me on Skype in the evening. Sometimes he would pick a lame excuse just to start a conversation. For example, one day he asked me what the name of his mobile tariff was (the one he used in my country) even though I'd told him that before. Sometimes he would message me in my native language for the sake of practicing.

Two weeks later he went on a business trip again. He goes there every two weeks. He would often message me. One day he asked: "Can I call you?". I said "Sure". He called and said: "Hi! Ehmm.... what did I want to say? .... Ah! I wanted to ask if you could do this translation for us?".

Two days ago he messaged me and asked if I could translate something at the weekend. I said I could. We ended up talking for about an hour. He pretended he wanted to become a new world leader and he discussed his "plans" with me. I said: "What you need is a good PR manager". He asked: "Would you like to be one?". I said: "Sure, why not?". So we were having fun discussing how we would invade this or that country. In the end he said: "I am going to take a shower and go to bed". I said: "So am I". We said our goodbye's.

Yesterday we had another language lesson. We kept smiling at each other and giving each other some interesting looks. He was smiling at me with this terrific smile of his that I'd never seen before in a different situation. I told him he was doing great and that his language was improving a lot. He was about to leave the room when he asked: "What about M? He had been learning the language for as long as I have, hasn't he? How is he doing?". I honestly said that M was also doing good but P was doing better. P replied: "Do you say the same stuff to M?". This kind question was unexpected so I wasn't quite sure how to reply. I ended up saying something like: "Hmm, noooo". Which was true. I did tell M he was doing good but only because I think that if a person is doing good he needs to know that. I've never told M he was doing better than anybody because it isn't true. Actually, P is my best student so far.

I like him a lot. I do. But I am not even sure if he has a girlfriend. It doesn't look much like it but still. I think it's evident that he likes me but he isn't asking me out. I could try to ask him out but what if he does have a girlfriend? What if he says no? It could ruin our teacher-student relationship. Even though, I'd like to go out with him. I'd love to. Sometimes I feel like shouting: "You idiot! Don't you see that I like you too?!"

So my questions are:
1) Does he really like me or is he just being nice? If he does like me then why the hell isn't he asking me out?! Do you think a 29 year old guy can be so shy that he can't just ask a girl out?
2) Should I consider this walk we had a date?
3) Should I just let it go and see where it all leads or should I ask do something?
4) Do you think I am overanalyzing it? Do you think I should just turn this constant thinking apparatus in my head off and just be blunt and ask him out?

[JM2012]

I'm not a guy, but let me tell you how I see it. First of all, he obviously likes you, but for some reason he is not (yet) taking it further. The reason could be that he has a girl friend. Why haven't you asked him about that so far? You could even integrate that question into your lessons by making relationships the topic of one of your lessons. So try to check that first.
Another reason could be that you are staying very professional with him and he might be afraid to cross the line of your teacher-student relationship. From what you told us here your behaviour is not as obvious as you might think it is. For him this might be much more confusing than for you. He is doing a lot to show you that he likes you, whereas you are always acting nice but very professionally. Maybe it becomes clearer for him that you like him if you flirt a little more (teasing, staring, smiling, winking....). You could also find ways to meet him in real life situations by placing your language lessons in real life as he has once suggested (I know it makes more sense in your own country but try to use real life as a starting point for conversation). Placing your lessons into real life almost transforms your lessons to dates....and gets you two closer to each other without him or you having to ask for an official date (which could be awkward because of your professional relationship). He doesn't want to spoil your professional relationsship as much as you don't want it. So he will only ask you out officially when it is very very likely that you won't turn him down. Try to give him that confidence! Good luck!

[lupus_solus]

JM2012, thank you for reading it all and giving me your opinion. I really appreciate it.

I think you are right. He just doesn't seem to have enough confidence. He is probably scared of being rejected and he isn't sure if I like him back.

That's what I've done today:
I messaged him and said: "Look, I've got an idea. I think we should have another conversation-like lesson. We could go somewhere for tea and have a chat in -my native language-. We could discuss our invading-the-world campaign. It would help you improve your speaking. What do you think?"
He said: "Sure but it will only be possible next week after I get back". (He is about to go on a business trip again)
I said: "Ok, let me know when you can do it then".

Then several hours later I told him this: "You know, I just got back from our language school office. In the end of every month we have to fill out a paper and write how our students are doing and what their progress is like. I wrote that your overall progress could be defined as Excellent.". He replied with: "ooo". I said: "Nodoby's progress is that good, you know When I tell you you are doing great, I am not lying". He answered nothing.