Porn issues in a relationship - advice needed!

[ivy4111]

I have been dating my boyfriend for over 2 years. We are the same age, he's my best friend and we have an amazing sex life. We love each other intensely, and I have considered him my 'soul mate' since the beginning (however, he is my first love so I sometimes wonder if that's why). We get in a fight every month or two (nothing serious), but always work it out soon after. About 6 months into our relationship I looked at his history and found it filled with porn. At that point in our relationship we were hanging out and having sex everyday, so it confused me why he needed it. After a while it started to bother me and I asked him to stop 'conditionally'. I asked him to slow down a ton, not lie to me about it and not watch it the day we see each other. I even offered to watch it with him, which he's never been interested in. I, in turn, promised to not snoop through his history and trust him.

The other day I sent him an email after a fight and immediately regretted it. I signed onto his email to delete it and saw an email from a 'live sex' website saying he made an account (at 4am on the night/morning before he saw me). I checked out the website and it's pretty much a place you can video chat with porn stars.

I got really upset and told him, but he's completely turned it around on me for snooping through his email. He said that it was a popup telling him it was free but when he made an account, he found out you can only watch the girls - you have to pay to live chat with them (which I verified). I've apologized to him (I do feel badly for going in his email) and have made a real effort to work this out, despite the fact that I'm extremely upset about it - but I haven't gotten any type of apology from him. He seems to think it's not a big deal. My question is - am I right to be upset? I do believe that he didn't end up paying and actually two-way video chatting , but I feel like the entire idea of being interested in live video chatting with naked woman is very alarming and a bit disturbing. What can I do to make sure this isn't something he's ever going to do again, without being a snooper? Is this something I should break up with him over?

[Ladybuggg]

Why is. It okay if he watch it with u or alone. Even I like it or not.and its stupid to live by sneaking around.if u r going to do it every time ..break up

[ivy4111]

Well, because it was taking a toll on our sex life. If he watched porn the day we hung out, he wasn't as interested in having sex with me. I'm okay with him doing it if we aren't hanging out for a few days. And I hadn't snooped in over a year before this happened - I kept my word. I wasn't planning on snooping the day I found out, I just wanted to delete an email I sent and it was just right there with the subject 'LiveFreeFun Account created. Chat with real girls now!'. It wasn't okay for me to look at his email, but I did apologize and took responsibilty for it. The issue now is not porn, it's that he wanted to live chat with a girl - a two way chat.. It is a much different story than watching a pre-recorded act between two people - this would've been a sexual interaction over the internet. I know he didn't end up doing it, but he would have if it didn't cost money..

[dem862]

This type of behavior is generally treated the same as a sex addiction. People who want to stop doing it can get support from groups like SLAA, but it is completely voluntary. If you cannot accept his behavior, you can ask him to do something about it, but you will not be able to force him. Like any addiction, it is self-destructive behavior and can take a toll on relationships and families. Good luck to you.

[bcgirl]

Well porn can be a problem, it gives very unrealistic views of how a woman is supposed to look like and act. Some young boys may be brainwashed by this and get desensitized to what real sex with normal girls is like. Most girls don't like to be called bitch, skank, slut in bed. They don't have huge silicone boobies, they don't cum so easily with intercourse... In fact only 20% are able to have a real orgasm with just intercourse, the other 80% need lotsa foreplay and clitoral stimulation. Also in turn, girls learn from porn and think they have came by intercourse when in fact they have no idea what great sex and what good orgasms feel like. Also not to mention a lot of these online sluts are sex trafficked or pay the bills for gang organizations

[iamaninnocentma]

Well porn can be a problem, it gives very unrealistic views of how a woman is supposed to look like and act. Some young boys may be brainwashed by this and get desensitized to what real sex with normal girls is like. Most girls don't like to be called bitch, skank, slut in bed. They don't have huge silicone boobies, they don't cum so easily with intercourse... In fact only 20% are able to have a real orgasm with just intercourse, the other 80% need lotsa foreplay and clitoral stimulation. Also in turn, girls learn from porn and think they have came by intercourse when in fact they have no idea what great sex and what good orgasms feel like. Also not to mention a lot of these online sluts are sex trafficked or pay the bills for gang organizations

You read too many stupid surveys. My bird loves to be slapped and called a slut in bed.

Take the stick out yer ass, Germaine.

[bcgirl]

^ I said most girls. Would u like to be degraded and called a douche, loser and fag in bed by your lady?

[Love'sReject]

You think that douche, loser fag could GET a lady? LOL

[bcgirl]

^ and a slut is sexy cuz she's been with lotsa ppl and therefore has a higher chance of passing std's... Yes real turn on

[iamaninnocentma]

^ I said most girls. Would u like to be degraded and called a douche, loser and fag in bed by your lady?

I dont exactly like it, but it happens.

[iamaninnocentma]

^ and a slut is sexy cuz she's been with lotsa ppl and therefore has a higher chance of passing std's... Yes real turn on

Bit of clap never killed anyone. Live a little, bc.

[iamaninnocentma]

You think that douche, loser fag could GET a lady? LOL

Go kill yourself virgin boy.

[bcgirl]

Bit of clap never killed anyone. Live a little, bc.

No but it's made women infertile

[sssspanos]

Don't spoil things... You can't be ALL in his life. Forget it and b happy that he's ok sexually with you.

[pisces25]

I disagree ^. His porn watching and behaviour is causing you to feel insecure and like you are not enough for him. Why anyone would want to chat with live naked women while in a relationship is beyond me. But regardless of what he is doing the issue is it is upsetting you and he is failing to see that. It would be the same if he was addicted to drugs or gambling and it upset you but he refused to acknowledge that. I have been with a porn addict and it was hell. Find out the real reasons he is doing this. Is he bored with you? Is it an addiction? Is something else going on with him? You need to make it clear somehow how much it is affecting you and if he is not willing to listen or work together on a solution then you need to decide if that is the kind of person you want to be with.