facebook

[Lynda]

hello,

let me put you in context. I'm a 43 year old woman dating a 34 year old guy. we've been together for a year and 3 months. We get along great and we respect each other enormously.

I've been divorced for 4 years, I created a facebook profile 4 years ago. I only go about once a week. but i never post comments or say what I'm doing I don't really like it. I only have 39 friends, which are mostly friends and family, I don't add friends request if I don't know the people. I get a lot of male request that I ignore. My question is this. my bf has 239 friends, a lot which are female, and I should say younger also and they are very beautiful and sexy i should say. here is my problem, I noticed that my bf has posted a comment on a girls picture, she's in a blouse with her big boobs kinda exposed and you can see her bras a bit. he gave it a thumbs up. I told him about it and said that I was kinda hurt and sick to my stomach from seeing that. that it's not something that I would do to him and I asked him why did he do that and why does he seem to add girls from all over the world on his facebook if they don't mean anything. I told him that since I've been with him that I don't add any guys to my fb and I don't chat with any of them either out of respect and out of love, including the fact that I have better things to do than spend my time on fb. He said he didn't do anything wrong, and that it doesnt mean anything he doesn't even talk to any of them. So I don't understand the reason to add them if they don't mean anything. I asked him what it was he was looking for by adding these girls. He said nothing and that he doesn'tl care about it, he said I will delete my fb if you want I don't care. But I don't want him to do that. I want your opinion on this, fb and msn was not a part of my life and didn't exist when I was young. I know I'm sensitive but do you think I'm making to much of this situation?

Thanks

[iamaninnocentma]

Your biggest concern about facebook is how many friends your bf has on it? Jesus christ. No wonder the world is a mess.

[ttylox]

Yes. You are making WAYYY too big a deal about this. He's likely telling you exactly how it is. He probably has not even met these women, and has probably never chatted online or talked to any of them. A lot of guys on FB become friends with these amateur models/porn stars because they send out friend requests en mass to young men looking for attention or for them to click a link on their profile to a porn site. It's advertising. Or maybe they are just random chicks he thought were hot and added them back when that was cool.

And don't tell me you're 43 years old and have yet to discover that men like boobs. Of course he "liked" that photo - why not? Just because he thinks that girl is pretty doesn't mean anything about you or your relationship. Quit dwelling on this - it's absolutely ridiculous.

[HeartIsAching]

You're not sensitive, you're insecure.

[Lynda]

are you on this forum to truely help people who have concerns and maybe be able to give then your point of view or are you on this forum to critisis us and make us look stupid? on day you might need someone's opinion and you will get the slap in the face that you are giving us right back.

And the world is falling apart because of people like you.....

[iamaninnocentma]

Ignore HeartIsAching, hes just trying to help, but hes a bit special. Hes just out of prison and finding it hard to adjust to real life again.

Maybe he just enjoys looking at pictures of hot girls and knowing that if he wanted to, he could chat with them/meet them?

[searock]

Maybe he just enjoys looking at pictures of hot girls and knowing that if he wanted to, he could chat with them/meet them?

[HeartIsAching]

are you on this forum to truely help people who have concerns and maybe be able to give then your point of view or are you on this forum to critisis us and make us look stupid? on day you might need someone's opinion and you will get the slap in the face that you are giving us right back.

And the world is falling apart because of people like you.....

That wasn't a criticism, it was an observation. Call it what it is. Also be aware that your insecurity isn't necessarily his problem, but his sensitivity to your comfort is. You need to communicate to him that it makes you uncomfortable. Then you need to decide if this is a boundary issue. If it is, I suspect you're better off walking away.

What you do and do not do with your FB account is irrelevant. You're expecting him to conform to your unstated and frankly unreasonable expectations, because that's how YOU do it. You gonna get mad at him next because of the way he folds his shirts?

Or just go ballistic at him when you catch him looking at porn?

Get a grip.

[Lynda]

lol, no i haven't just discovered that men like boobs. but I must say that I'm not used to being with a guy who pasts comments on other women. My ex husband never said anything regarding other women.

[HeartIsAching]

Don't compare him to your ex, either. If your ex was so great, why's he an ex?

[iamaninnocentma]

Maybe hes in prison, or turned gay.

[Lynda]

Sorry, the previous message wasn't addressed for you but for the iammaninnocentman

Ok, so you see me as insecure. I must tell you that I have not gotten mad at him, I simply stated that it made me sad and that I thought that we respected each other.

That wasn't a criticism, it was an observation. Call it what it is. Also be aware that your insecurity isn't necessarily his problem, but his sensitivity to your comfort is. You need to communicate to him that it makes you uncomfortable. Then you need to decide if this is a boundary issue. If it is, I suspect you're better off walking away.

What you do and do not do with your FB account is irrelevant. You're expecting him to conform to your unstated and frankly unreasonable expectations, because that's how YOU do it. You gonna get mad at him next because of the way he folds his shirts?

Or just go ballistic at him when you catch him looking at porn?

Get a grip.

[HeartIsAching]

So you used emotional abuse to try to get your way. Interesting.

[HeartIsAching]

You're like a chihuahua, girlfriend. Keep squeaking and hoping someone will pay attention.

[iamaninnocentma]

Its only fair she knows what type of person is judging her, dont you think?