Shall I follow my heart or head ? please help

[spiderjoko]

Hi,

I have known this girl at work for about 2 years and half and over the past 6 months, we got to know each other really well. we pretty much talk about anything ranging from simple day to day talk to personal life in regards to girls iam seeing or guys she is seeing etc. 3 months ago, I have started to develop this strange feeling towards her. I kept thinking about her and started to realise that while iam out there searching for the right woman, me and her will actually work well together. i saw a future and It was a scary feeling but a wonderful one as well.

I cant describe how nice she has been to me. She was always there for me,texting me just before a job interview wishing me luck and just being kind. I didnt tell her anything because she was my work colleague and didnt want to make things awkward but now i quit my job in UK and i have been offered a job abroad to work in holland. Its only an hour away and I will be coming to london probably every now and then so its not gonna be a forever thing....hopefully.

I am taking her for lunch to this special restaurant this tuesday as a goodbye and here is the real dilemma. 4 weeks ago, she started seeing this guy and it is going well with him. i have been feeling really sad recently and getting emotional that iam leaving london and wont be able to see her or my family etc and i really think its a good idea to just let all the feeling out when i see her but tell her that iam not expecting anything from you because i understand you are involved with someone.

I think she realised that i like her two weeks ago on my leaving drinks because she told one of my colleague that. They asked her how she feels about it and she told them " if there is anyone at work that i would go out with, it would be him but iam with someone now".

I would happily leave the country without saying anything if it was just a fling but i know this is a special feeling and a beginning of true love. I have no idea how she feels, she has giving me mixed signals all the times. Sometimes describing guys who are similar to me and sometimes just being completely off.

I really appreciate your help guys and sorry for the long message.

[Jena]

Have the courage to say how you really feel....

[smackie9]

If you do tell her be prepared to be in the friends zone. It's most likely she and you are just emotionally attached to each other but not really sexually attracted. It happens between co-workers....you just develop a bond, and all you are really feeling is a fondness for each other, not passionate love. Plus with you leaving, you are just feeling a little separation anxiety. No worries this will pass as you move on.

[Cerby]

I disagree with telling her at all. What do you actually hope to accomplish? Even if she reciprocates you're leaving for a new job anyways which is further away from her. You had 2 years to make that decision and that move, and now your time is just reaching the end and you've decided to take an "All or Nothing" approach.

She is in a relationship that is close to home, she sounds like she is happy and it is working. I think it would be unfair to ask her to give that up for a long-distance relationship with you where there isn't even a guarantee of basic compatibility. Sorry man, but this is a case where I believe the most fair action is to cancel the lunch and just move away. In time you will forget her.

If you must keep things alive, then I'd suggest keeping her on Facebook or get her number and just keep in touch, if things fall apart with her current bf, or you decide to move back, then you might be more in line with making a real move, but really, it is just a scumbag thing for making a move on a girl in a relationship, especially if you respect her (and therefore respect her choices).

[smackie9]

I'm going to have to agree....it is already known by her that you like her so there is no need to say anything.....and since she is happily in a relationship, there is no need to quiz her on if she has feeling for you or not. I agree that this will not accomplish anything of worth. She had 2 years to tell you if she had any feelings towards you but she didn't....so that should tell you something.

[newcity2010]

Agree with smackie9