Married but stuck in an unrequited love triangle

[aesthesis30]

I am 31 years old and have been married for 6 years although I have been with my partner for 10 years. I have recently found out that another man has loved me his entire life. His confession stirred feelings inside of me that I hadn't felt for a long time. He is an emotional wreck because of this unrequited love situation, I feel I am betraying my
husband because I haven't told him anything about this man and his feelings for me and I struggle between staying faithful to my marriage and the emergence of feelings for someone else.

I have strong moral values and infidelity is certainly out of the question.

The story is actually very long and complex but I feel so emotionally drained right now that I have no strength to get into details.

How can I fight these feelings and what can I say to the other man who I know is having a very hard time dealing with all this?
Is there a way that everybody wins out of this situation? I am so confused I don't know what to do anymore. Any advice would be greatly appreciated.

[pisces25]

My advice? Cut contact with the third party. Taking that out of the picture means not having to fight feelings and can allow you to stay in your marriage wholly. It may seem harsh, but if you value your marriage it's necessary. Otherwise, there will be no winners, guaranteed.

[bcgirl]

Yes, cut total contact with this other man. U love your husband, what u are feeling towards this other man isn't live but an elementary crush and infatuation which will eventually fade. U want to have that feeling of excitement and lust which can sometimes fade over the course of 10 years in a relationship. Take measures to make those feelings ignite again with your hubby. Go on dAtes, dress up for each other etc. u will feel like that lil girl all giddy with your hubby in no time

[VincenzoG91]

If that other man loved you his entire life and you are just now finding that out, he's a coward and an idiot for waiting this long to say something. Suggest that he see a psychiatrist, and then ignore him. Giving him any kind of hope will prolong his obsessive suffering and also undermine your marriage.

As for your marriage, you need to decide if you want to stay married to your husband. If so, work on improving your relationship with him so that you don't get distracted the next time some loser pops up and declares his love for you. Or if you don't feel like you love your husband anymore, then do the decent thing and the end marriage now, so you can go hang out with that cowardly loser with your morality intact. Or you can muddle along on your current course, to ensure maximum pain and drama for everybody concerned. It's your choice.

[aesthesis30]

Thank you very much for your advice. Yes, you are right that cutting all contact is the best solution. The problem however is that the third party is an old friend of both of us and there is no way to completely avoid him without my husband getting suspicious as to the possible reason of me doing that. Also, my girlfriends hang out with him-I never told them the truth about him nor anyone for that matter- and they tell me his news etc. I guess i must find a way for us to cut ties. The problem is, i am worried about the consequences on his emotional being if i completely shun him out from my life. I really don't want to hurt him, nor my husband. In the mean time, i am driving myself crazy.

[bcgirl]

Friends do not declare love to a friends wife and keeps it a secret. Quit making excuses. Cut the loser, and tell your hubby he professed his love to you. Your hubby will go ape shit on him. End of story, u won't be hearing from him again

[sadie_genie]

Direct this man to read "The Power of Now" by Eckhart Tolle. He would reazlize there is no need for him have you to be happy.

[ttylox]

If you cannot cut contact completely, then tell him you are in no way interested in him and that he needs to respect you and your marriage by never bringing it up again. Then you need to talk to your husband. And you will find a solution as a team.

[aesthesis30]

Thank you all for your replies. I am going to do the right thing and cut ties. The story is actually a lot more complex from what i explained above but it doesn't matter. The only option is what all of you suggested. Thanks again!