Help with Passive Agressive Co-worker...

[Maple1714]

OK guys I need some help....

I started a new job about 6 months ago. I used to work for this company years ago and they called me to hire me back. Since I had left they hired a new woman. She is not very nice and is extremely fake!! She is a grown woman, but she behaves like a child. She always tries to divert the blame to someone else, she is never wrong and she knows it all type of personality. She is short, fat and eats fast food everyday. She drink soda ALL day long..prob. like 8 cans a day. She is buddy buddy with the boss...and they are both super conservative Christians. Anyway, I know she tries to shift the blame on me every chance she gets, keeps me in the dark half the time on projects we are working on together...doesn't copy me on emails etc...She loves to complain.

We are supposed to work as a team, but I do not know how to make it work. I am ready to go and have a talk with her about how I feel, but I am scared. I am scared she will be 2faced to me and then go talk to my boss. I am good at my job, but not as good as I can be in a dysfunctional team environment like we have going on. I came from a wonderful design firm where I worked with 3 other girls and we ALL made a great team. The money wasn't that great and I had a child so I left and came here. I really love working for this company, but not with this woman. How the hell do I approach a conversation with her? I know she will get defensive. I can't ignore it. I am not that type of person...but I don't want to start waves. I need this job!

[ttylox]

I honestly don't recommend talking with her. Go to your boss. And without pointing fingers or even bringing her up at all, if you can avoid it. Simply let the boss know that you are working hard to produce quality work for the company and that you just wanted to check in with him/her to see if there was anything more you could do. That way, if the crappy co-worker says something about you to the boss that the boss actually takes seriously, he/she will feel more comfortable coming to you directly and asking about it.
Going to your co-worker about this is likely only going to lead to more childish drama - and that is the last thing you need in the workplace. Rise above it. If you're doing your job well and creating results, that shows for itself.

[HeartIsAching]

also books about how passive aggressive behavior works and how to deal with it.

Did AssCheekxx get nuked again?

[iamaninnocentma]

Is that her? Its hard to tell, with her cunning disguises.

[HeartIsAching]

Pretty SHORE it is.

[searock]

Yet another cheekxs added to my ignore list...

[IndiReloaded]

Hey Maple. You have an Office Cow. Mooo.

We had a secretary (also fat and cranky, I wonder if that's part of the problem) that even her superiors were afraid to make waves with, b/c she was just so unpleasant to deal with. We worked around her and she did whatever she felt like. But eventually we got rid of her.

You're the new person (even though you worked there previously). Don't make waves, but do copy this woman's boss on all your requests. If she snarks in an email, copy her boss on your measured reply (keep it strictly business, don't call her out on her behaviour). I guarantee that you are not the only person this woman is pissing off. These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Cows get slaughtered or put to pasture eventually, its just too unproductive and costly for a firm not too.

Hang in there.

[HeartIsAching]

Hey Maple. You have an Office Cow. Mooo.

We had a secretary (also fat and cranky, I wonder if that's part of the problem) that even her superiors were afraid to make waves with, b/c she was just so unpleasant to deal with. We worked around her and she did whatever she felt like. But eventually we got rid of her.

You're the new person (even though you worked there previously). Don't make waves, but do copy this woman's boss on all your requests. If she snarks in an email, copy her boss on your measured reply (keep it strictly business, don't call her out on her behaviour). I guarantee that you are not the only person this woman is pissing off. These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Cows get slaughtered or put to pasture eventually, its just too unproductive and costly for a firm not too.

Hang in there.

This is excellent advice, and is actually pretty much the meat of what meant to say, and forgot to.

[jeejee]

This is excellent advice, and is actually pretty much the meat of what meant to say, and forgot to.

This is excellent ass-kissing, and pretty much the sort of shite i was going to say, alas, i forgot.

[haxan]

Maple, I agree with ttylox to some degree, although I would suggest that you make an appointment with the boss for all 3 of you to sit down together and have an open forum discussion about the issues that you have. That way there's no miscommunication, no one is in the dark and everything is crystal clear, out in the open on what's going on.

At that point it either gets resolved, or you know you'll eventually need to move on at some point.

[misombra]

Hey Maple. You have an Office Cow. Mooo.

We had a secretary (also fat and cranky, I wonder if that's part of the problem) that even her superiors were afraid to make waves with, b/c she was just so unpleasant to deal with. We worked around her and she did whatever she felt like. But eventually we got rid of her.

You're the new person (even though you worked there previously). Don't make waves, but do copy this woman's boss on all your requests. If she snarks in an email, copy her boss on your measured reply (keep it strictly business, don't call her out on her behaviour). I guarantee that you are not the only person this woman is pissing off. These things have a way of sorting themselves out. Cows get slaughtered or put to pasture eventually, its just too unproductive and costly for a firm not too.

Hang in there.

i have an office cow too. fat, mean, ugly, stupid, loud, etc.

she sits so close to me and i have to listen to her moo all frikkin day.

[doppelgaenger]

I sort of disagree with the other posters. You should confront your co-worker. Ask him/her if you can discuss something in private and let her know that the way she is treating you hurts your feelings. Tell her you want to get along with her and develop a strong professional relationship. Use positive feedback and see if you are able to redirect her behavior in a way that is more conducive to office productivity.

Meanwhile, you should maintain a record of all the times that her behavior is inappropriate and contact your manager as a last resort.

[bellavip001]

I agree with the above poster

[IndiReloaded]

I sort of disagree with the other posters. You should confront your co-worker. Ask him/her if you can discuss something in private and let her know that the way she is treating you hurts your feelings. Tell her you want to get along with her and develop a strong professional relationship.

This is doomed to fail. Largely b/c you choose to use the word 'confront'. That always goes over like a ton of bricks.

Cows like cookies. Bring cookies.

[Thea]

I agree that this woman sounds very passive aggressive and those coworkers are some of the most difficult to deal with. I read a great ebook on this when I had my own issues and it helped a lot. Talks about some of the advice given above (finding out if the whole team is recognizing the behavior, including boss, etc, Really important!) and then some ideas on where to go from there. Just being sweet to her, if she really is passive aggressive, unfortunately won't get you anywhere and could possibly make it worse, if this is a deep seeded issue for her. You need to make sure You are the one making decisions about your job, not her! Check out the book on passive aggressive coworkers at Nora Femenia's .com page (google it, I can't link it yet), she is a great conflict coach, and the blog. It is on passive aggression and conflict, but passive aggressive people in a romantic relationship and in a work relationship can be wholly different to sort out.