Girlfriend moving for job, doesnt want me to come?

[Delux]

I apologize if this is a little long but please read through because this advice means alot to me.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for a little over 2 years now. When we met she was graduating with her master's degree in urban planning. I was just starting school then. I am 25 now and I had put off college before because i didnt grad. high school and by time i got my life together and go my GED and applied to college i was 18. I met a girl then that was a year into college for her nursing degree. We both lived with our parents and wanted to get a place together but couldnt afford it both as full-time students. So we decided that since she was further in school and i hadnt started yet that i would work 2 jobs and pay the bills and a third of her tuition while she attended college and worked part-time. Once she graduated she would pay for my school and i would not work at all to grad faster.After three and a half years, her graduation was on a friday and she broke up with me on Thursday.

Moved back into my parents and eventually got myself back on my feet in my own place, met the girl i am currently dating and started school. Our relationship over the past 2 years has been very up and down. The first 10 months or so were amazing and we never fought and started to care alot for eachother. We started getting into fights alot later and would break up and get back together for a couple months then do it again and again. Our last break up was about 2 months ago.

She graduated with a 6yr degree and has been looking for a job in her field for 2 years and has found nothing.Her job currently is an administrative assitant to the mayor of a small city, not horrible but its not a job but it is not a job that requires a masters degree. Repeated rejection letters made her pretty depressed and caused issues in our relationship. She got a call from a job in South Carolina she interviewed with and they want to offer her a position. We discussed everything when she interviewed and decided that even though she doesnt want to live together before we are married that this would be an exception and we could take our relationship to the next level.

Tonight she tells me that she wants me to come but thinks i should not move down until 6 months after she does. She said she wants to get settled in and is worried i am giving up to much for her. I am not able to be ok with that. Long distance relationships just do not work, even if the relationship is strong they have trouble and ours is not the strongest. I do not think we are in a place to put that much pressure on the relationship. I love this girl and want to marry her, i told her that i would be fine transfering jobs and states a fresh start would be good for us. I thought about this decision alot because i made this mistake before.

I told her that i was not ok with her moving down there and me waiting here for 6 months in Ohio, and to not call me until she has decided on wether or not she wants me to move with her within a month of her move.

Any advice on why she feels this way or what i should do would be greatly appreciated, thank you for your time.

[Boisdevie]

If you keep breaking up and then getting back together it is not a good sign and talk about marriage or even living together is crazy until you get your relationship sorted out. You need to address why you keep breaking up because it you don't your relationship is going nowhere.

[steviej]

Are you still studying? You got so royally screwed over in the first relationship i think you need to learn to put yourself first for once!

[HeartIsAching]

She's using the opportunity to distance herself from you - once moved she'll break up with you. Too bad, but you should recognize this and move on.

[reeba]

Ex girlfriend. Why did you give your background info, that the girl you dated before used you to help support her thru college????? Just made your story confusing.

Current girlfriend. My rule is once you break up, only under very special circumstances should you take them back, and if you break up two times, then it obviously is not the relationship for you.

Did your current girlfriend say....lets wait 6 months to see if I like the area/job before you move?

Or did she say....lets wait 6 months to see if we still want to do this relationship?

Big difference on why waiting 6 months. If she said the second reason, you need to end the relationship.

[Delux]

Her reasoning for waiting 6 months was: She thinks i am giving up too much for her and said i should tie up loose ends before i leave. even after i told her there are no loose ends to tie up and i am not really giving up anything, just taking off school for a little while. Her other reason she said was the wants to get settled in down there and get her footing before i move down. And that if our relatipnship cannot withstand this distance for 6 months then it is not meant to be.

[reeba]

So it was the latter....."lets wait 6 months to see if we still want to do this relationship"

She obviously isn't as sure about the relationship as you are. You are willing to move, and she doesn't want you to move if she is unsure if she wants to continue the relationship. If she lets you move and breaks up with you, you could classify her in the same category as your other girlfriend who used you to help pay her college tuition.

My advice is do not move. Wait the 6 months like she wants. If she is worth the move, she is also worth the 6 month wait.

[steviej]

Don't jepodise your studies for her. Not worth it!

[Delux]

At this point I have no clue what I should do, part of me says let her make her choice, either I come when she moves, or she asks for 6 months and I say that is too long and break it off...

But part of me wants to tell her before she even decides that her doubts and even thinking she doesn't want me to come has made me not to want to go regardless. Why should I make these sacrifices for someone who isnt even sure they want me there.

[Boisdevie]

When she gets to the new place I bet she won't wait six months. She'll be fidding with another guys pink bits within a week. You, my friend, are history. But might be worth trying to get one last shag before she leaves?