Miss her so much should I text?

[Stuey141]

I was seeing this girl for 4 months, and things were really good! She was 18 and I'm 28 but we got on so well, then out of the blue she said she had been having thoughts about her ex as he had been in contact! Then I found out a few days after she finished with me she slept with him. It killed me. She said it was a mistake, text me saying I was an amazing guy and she really liked me but was just confused. We now haven't spoken for 2 weeks, I miss her so much and cannot get her of my mind. Should I text her or carry on with no contact and wait to see if she texts me?? I just feel so depressed and so confused as to why we would be so happy and then all stop.

Just new some advice, I have struggled not to text her the last few weeks, just need some advice

[steviej]

Where do you see it going with this girl? She's young and immature, do you honestly see her being 'the one'?

It's entirely up to you, but will you trust her again? Will she do something else impulsive and rash?
The sensible choice is to walk away and stay away, but it depends on whether you can live with that or if you feel you have to give it one more shot - and risk going through worse heartache!

[Stuey141]

Yeah I no your right, it's just this feeling is the worst! I can't get her off my mind.
I no she is young, and it may not last but it's so hard to take when things were so good and then bang. Literally the day before she was bringing holiday brochures round. Her ex obviously confused her, I am pretty sure from what I have been told that she isn't with him.

Do you think that the fact she hasn't text me for 2 weeks means she has moved on? I did ignore her last message a few weeks back coz I couldn't keep playing the games. The last thing I said was you clearly think u can do better so do it!

Was that a mistake?

[smackie9]

To be honest with you, you need to date women not girls. Girls are not ready for full time committed relationships, they have a very short attention span, and lose interest fast. Soon she will be wanting to hit the clubs, if she hasn't already, and get attention from lots of guys. Your story is not unusual. Dating someone so young is unreliable and a waste of time. Dude if you have to date girls at this age this tells me you are insecure as a man. It's easier for you to pick up a young girl because they are more impressionable towards an older guy. Do you have trouble with mature women? Do they intimidate you? If you are looking for someone to marry eventually, you won't find it in an 18 year old.

[steviej]

It wasn't a mistake, you ended it with your dignity intact!

Smackie is right, this girl is only just getting started with pubs/clubs etc, by now the novelty of it has probably worn off for you.

[Stuey141]

No I'm not scared of girls my age.. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years, wasn't happy in that and this young girl was who I got with straight after. The thing is a few weeks before this all blew up I wasn't feeling it that much. But now she has gone its made me feel so low, just want to get it off my mind. I have done all the right things, but guess now her messages have stopped its made me feel worse.

She said so many things like how she adores me and she really likes me, don't understand how she can just block me out her life altogether! Guess a message from her again would make me feel better but I also don't think I could get back with her

Sometimes wonder if I feel this crap because I'm scared of being alone, really don't no.

Keep getting so close to texting her, but that defeats the no contact which I have been strong with

[steviej]

You now need to follow the post break up advice - see lots of your mates, get new hobbies, work on self improvement. You've now got more time on your hands so put it to good use. Join a gym/martial arts/climbing etc. Physical activity will make you feel good plus you might get to meet new people through it.

Delete her number so you're not tempted to text her!

It's hard, we've all been through it but time will help.

[Stuey141]

I am doing that, joined the gym and am going 5 times a week, it does help! It's just when I'm back from work.

I do go out but avoid places she will be, but the hangovers seem to make things worse!

I no it's all about time, at least I no she likes me and I can walk away with my head held high as I didn't do anything wrong, the thought of seeing another women doesn't appeal at all, is that normal lol

[steviej]

Yep, completely normal! Its like a grieving process you go through, as each day passes she'll occupy your thoughts less and less.
It's always going to be the time alone with your thoughts that is the hardest, but you've lasted this long, you'd be mad to cave in now!

[smackie9]

No I'm not scared of girls my age.. I was in a relationship with my ex for 5 years, wasn't happy in that and this young girl was who I got with straight after. The thing is a few weeks before this all blew up I wasn't feeling it that much. But now she has gone its made me feel so low, just want to get it off my mind. I have done all the right things, but guess now her messages have stopped its made me feel worse.

She said so many things like how she adores me and she really likes me, don't understand how she can just block me out her life altogether! Guess a message from her again would make me feel better but I also don't think I could get back with her

Sometimes wonder if I feel this crap because I'm scared of being alone, really don't no.

Keep getting so close to texting her, but that defeats the no contact which I have been strong with

You are acting like a 14 year old boy. You are a man you should know by now, when things are fresh and new in a relationship you are obsessive, and yes we have all done it, say those nice things, talk about the future together, etc. But that's all it is, is talk and should never be taken too seriously. She's young dude, and like I said they have a short attention span...they like one thing one min, and like something totally different the next. Stevej is right, you have made it this far, don't mess yourself up even more by contacting her. One day you will look back at this and see how silly all this was. Then you will realize that this girl was used as an emotional escape from your last relationship.

[bellavip001]

I agree with the above poster.

[john2894]

I want to start off by saying the way your feeling is totally normal, The urge to call and text and to recontact her would only do further harm. What i would suggest is distract your mind, Hang out with friends improve yourself in some way , By doing this it will make you seem very attractive and it would most definitely attract other females. You need to cut all contact with her for now, I'm more than certain in the process of your improvement she will call you back and you would have to take it from there.

[Stuey141]

I am doing all these things, gyming it and keeping busy.

Just wish I new what she was thinking!!
I was certain I would hear something but haven't, only been a few weeks. But I keep thinking that if she still has feelings for her ex I prob don't want to hear from her really..

But I won't contact her! It's just so odd, met someone Tuesday who said they saw her a few weeks before this happened and she was saying how she was falling in love with me etc

Hmmmm life can be a bitch

[smackie9]

Don't know what kind of relationship you had with her parents BUT there is a possibility that they had decided that she needed to place her future plans into something else like college/uni rather than into a relationship with a dude that is 10 years older than her. This wouldn't be the first time I have seen this on the boards, where the parents gave an ultimatum to their daughter, that if they didn't cut off the relationship they would cut off the funding for their education.

[Stuey141]

Her parents were not happy about the situation, but she started a full time job/apprenticeship when with me so don't think that was an issue. I think it's all to do with her ex, just guess that he was her first love and finds it hard to let go, I have been there myself! I respect her for telling me what was happening coz at least it gives me some sort of answer as to why something so good would suddenly stop! Il give her space and see what happens, maybe by the time I next hear or see from her il be myself again and more rational! This is so not me it's untrue. She said so many things the two weeks after but all ended in her needing to be alone, so that's it. I'm not being an option so il withdraw myself from the equation and I'm sure one day she will regret it. Would love to no what she is actually thinking!!

Don't think I will recommend and age gap relationship to friends lol