What are your thoughts on this!!! Please HELP

[kck_baby]

Hello,

I have never really discussed anything in a forum before but i need an outsiders point of view. I feel like i know what i have to do but not sure how or if i am reading to much into it.
I have 3 children and i have been with this guy for 9 years... He is not my children father but was in their lives since they were very little. The problem that i am having is this. I will try and keep this short.

I have been the sole supplier in our relationship. I buy groceries, pay bills and pay the rent... I have been doing this since we first started dating. He would help out once in a while. People have always said why he never paid for half and i always felt that i had the kids that i should be paying for because if he wasn't in our lives i would have had to pay for it anyways.... I know this was silly thinking in my part but i truely felt that way before. 9 Years we have been together and every so often i would catch him chatting on line with girls and stuff... He claims that he wasn't doing anything wrong and that i was showing him enough affection etc. Every time i caught him we would break up for a bit (no more than 2 weeks) and then get back together and he would say he would never do it again and yes we would get back together. I find that he is online chatting (that i catch him) once a year.

The other issue i am having is whenever things get tough, like i cant make ends meet he makes me feel like he is not secure with me and that he sees no future and that we cant get by etc.... I don't know why he makes me feel like i am the reason why our relationship is going downhill. I feel as if he should be providing and that is why we are struggling... I have been supporting a family of 5 (us and 3 children) for 9 years and to be told this hurts... Why doesn't he see it. The funny thing is that i don't have the heart to tell him that he should man up. Even if i try his response will be... "you would have to do it if i wasn't here anyways) I do care for him a lot and i don't know what to do... You are probably thinking what in the world am i doing with this guy and honestly i love him dearly because he has been there helping me raise and loving my kids when i know that he didn't have to... At the end of the day i am so tired and i do want so much for a man to want to take care of me and my kids and for me not to have to do this all by myself. I don't know what to think.... He is just a selfish person.... Is he not man enough for me? I don't know.. what should i be doing differently?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

What are my thoughts on this?

You are a ****ing idiot, who is taking care of 4 kids..only 3 of which you have birthed. I really don't know what else to say other than kick him out immediately, but you're obviously too stupid or you wouldn't need to consult the internet for something so simple. The guy contributes nothing, chats up other girls, and you actually think it's your fault the relationship is going downhill. I can't say I blame him for taking advantage of your dumbass. I wish someone would pay my bills.

[MikZeR]

What are my thoughts on this?

You are a ****ing idiot, who is taking care of 4 kids..only 3 of which you have birthed. I really don't know what else to say other than kick him out immediately, but you're obviously too stupid or you wouldn't need to consult the internet for something so simple. The guy contributes nothing, chats up other girls, and you actually think it's your fault the relationship is going downhill. I can't say I blame him for taking advantage of your dumbass. I wish someone would pay my bills.

Pretty tought answer there...

Anyway, if I were you, I would most likely man up and confront him with it, tell him to take it easy and try to talk quietly without any fighting, simply just talk about it, I don't know if it's going to help you or anything, but I hope it will.
Yeah, people think stuff like "throw him out" and that sort of things, but if you really love him, then my suggestion is a pretty good one I believe.

Good luck!

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Pretty tought answer there...

Anyway, if I were you, I would most likely man up and confront him with it, tell him to take it easy and try to talk quietly without any fighting, simply just talk about it, I don't know if it's going to help you or anything, but I hope it will.
Yeah, people think stuff like "throw him out" and that sort of things, but if you really love him, then my suggestion is a pretty good one I believe.

Good luck!

Keep letting him abuse her kindness is what you just wrote. Good advice. Twat.

[Negan]

Okay. Sorry, i definitely do not want to be rude or anything, but you are kind of stupid :3
How in the world could you live with a man if you're the sole provider? For 9 YEARS? My head already hurts. Not only that, he apparently chats with other girls and he breaks his promises.
You do start to realize he's only sitting with you because you're paying for his every shit?

And another thing. I have that feeling that he's also quite .... not abusive... but has some anger issues am i right? He has a tendency to raise his voice and place the blame on others (especially you). He will often attack your self esteem in an argue or he won't let you respond.

Why do you STILL care for this man? I don't even want to hear an answer, because i also have a feeling that you would rather live a lie than face a harsh truth.

But please be careful. You never know what it may come to.

[basilandthyme]

He should not be providing for you and your kids. The child support you receive is the support for the kids and you should be providing for yourself. If you don't receive child support, this isn't his problem.

However, your guy should be paying his own way (rent, bills, food). If he won't do this, throw him out.

[haxan]

Women get themselves in strange positions where they will do anything for companionship, OP. You appear to be one of them. Just look yourself in the mirror and ask yourself if this what you want, if this is what you deserve, and if you are happy. If the answer is no to any or all of those, make changes in your life. You're the one who's in control of it.

[Wakeup]

Women get themselves in strange positions where they will do anything for companionship,

Men get themselves in just as strange positions where they'll do anything for companionship as well. This isn't a gender thing... although i'm sure you implied it was unintentionally.

Op: I think you should google the words "Am I Codependent?" and then read the symptoms. If any of it reminds you or yourself and the situation your allowing and how you're enabling this man to be the shiftless leach that he appears to be, then perhaps you should start reading some literature on how to overcome what ails you. In order to fix this, you have to know whats wrong with you. Once you know, then you can work on fixing it and getting the strength you need to do what you need to do.

[bellavip001]

the forum wont expose your information to the others, it is very safe, pls no worry.

[haxan]

Men get themselves in just as strange positions where they'll do anything for companionship as well. This isn't a gender thing... although i'm sure you implied it was unintentionally

No, I meant what I meant as far is it being gender specific. What I didn't clarify is that it's instances where the female will struggle to maintain or try and get by while supporting the male who won't contribute. Quite often there's alcohol or drug abuse on the male side, or in this case the guy feels entitled because he didn't father the children.

Far less men are in these types of situations just to have a woman around. It's usually hard working single moms who need help or want someone around for their kids, or middle aged women who are divorced or never married and live alone. You don't see single professional women in these types of situation.

As far as men, we'd probably want to look into the direction of ones that are financially able, who keep attractive, often younger women available for companionship by spoon feeding them money (sugar daddy). They're not looking for the day to day, hour to hour companionship that these types of women are.