Letting Go of the Good Times..

[ALovelyLady86]

As most of you know now. I have met a wonderful guy, Josh. I guess this is where I just need to vent or something. Today I found myself missing the old times I had with Chris. I think I know why, though.
Chris was literally the only friend I had. I had come from a broken home, and when I moved in with my father to escape my mother thats when I met him. He was there for me when I needed someone. I will never forget that. It could be 3am, but if I needed him he was there. I miss the security I had with him.
Dont get me wrong, things werent always peachy...80% of the time we were disagreeing or arguing about something. He was a depressed person, and I tried to help him be happy, but I was pretty depressed myself. There wasnt enough energy for the both of us.
I realize now that he came into my life not as a boyfriend, but more of a friend. He made a great friend, but was too emotionally immature to be anything more.
Josh... where do I start here. We had an immediate attraction to each other when we first met. He treats me like a queen, and with utmost respect. He's kind, generous, intelligent, good looking, just a quality person I must say. I would love for him to be the next best thing. I see a ton of potential here that I never saw with anyone else. The distance thing, though, really gets to me. Hes an hour and 15 minutes away, which isnt terribly far I know, but far enough where we cant see each other every day...which is what I was used to with other boyfriends. I'm the type of person who loves to spend lots of time with the ones I love. Its just my personality. But we dont have a choice there.
A lot is going on right now in my life. I just found out my ex-abusive mother is dying of cancer, my fathers difibulator has gone off 3 times and his doctor told him to quit his job, and of course my grandmother is dying. Not only that, my car is about to bite the dust...within the next year I'll say.
I live in the boonies where there isnt a job over $5.50 an hour. There isnt a college within 35 minutes of here. I feel so stuck... so scared.
All that I listed above is partly why I feel so scared now that Chris is gone. I'm afriad of change I guess. I'm afraid that what if Josh isnt going to be here for me? What if what if what if...


Thanks for letting me vent...needed it.

[Junket]

No problem.

I'll take the credit for that.

[artyemi]

Lovely-

The other things I can't identify with, but I feel the same way about my ex. I really miss hanging out with him, and all the good times we've had. I think you just need to put the faith in yourself, and try to develop that inner security feeling.

After I hung out yesterday with my ex I realized that I was already bored of him. I was just plainly bored and irritated at why it's taking me so long to move on. You can have good times with anybody if you go into it believing that you're going to have a good time. And a lot of people are willing to be there for you at 3 am in the morning, if you're willing to trust that they'll be there.

I used to think my ex was the only one that I can call at 12 or the only one who'll listen to my anger, whining, but once I opened up to my other friends, I realized they were even more willing to be there for me than he was. Now, I'm surrounded by so many listening ears who are always there for me.

[ALovelyLady86]

Well thats great but I have no other friends. And it isnt because of me, its because I've lived in 11 or 12 difference place in my life and I cant keep up with them! I'm completely alone now and its not only boring but depressing. There isnt a place around here to meet people either so I guess I'll have to wait until college.

I didnt write the post to complain I think you got the wrong message. I wrote the post to kinda let you guys know whats going on right now in my life and maybe find someone who has a similar situation.

Anyway I'm hungry so I'm gonna go eat lol...