A Girl my boyfriend slept with......

[Luli]

Ok so a bit of background history,

My boyfriend slept with this girl he lived with in college (when he was drunk) before he met me, then we met and that was the end of her, however I went to work in Paris for 9 months, and we kept in touch but weren't exclusive. I dated while I was there, but I also discovered he had hooked up with her one night (again when he was drunk).., and that was fine, it didnt bother me we were not together. (They were not in a relationship by any means)

And then I came home and we became exclusive, and that was the end of the other girl, but because he was 'friends' with her, we would socialize with the group regularly until she started being disrespectful and nasty to me when Im never anything but polite and friendly to her (even if i would love to be catty, i'm not) . And as a result my boyfriend tried to cut her out of his life, and has been cutting ties with her for almost a year and half now, but she continues to contact him and befriend him etc,

(we also split up for a several weeks, during which time she was ringing him letting him know she was 'around') we got back together soon after,

She is now txting him regularly at 2am and writing on his facebook profile, messages which are very inappropriate considering he has a girlfriend, He had to ring her and ask her to stop, not only because I was upset but because he was angry at her for behaving like this.

He has asked her to stop, he has told me he dosent want her in his life, that she not apart of his circle and she never will be again and I believe him, I haven't said anything to her because I don't know her that well, I really want to say something but I don't want to deal with the drama.

What I am supposed to do? how do i deal with this?


[Additional information, he now lives in a different part of the country and we are making a good go at the long distance, but I am in my final year in college alongside this girl and I have to see her every day,
Im not jealous because (she isnt attractive - not unless your out of your mind drunk according to my boyfriend)
But when I see her, I get so angry and want to ask her why she is trying to cause trouble in our relationship....

also note, we are an established couple and we have plans to get engaged when I finish my MA.]

[bluesummer]

I think all that needs to happen is your bf should tell her to stop the one time and then just ignore her. If he keeps calling her to talk to her about it, she's probably getting the attention she wants.

I know it's hard, but both of you should just ignore her and NOT respond to her posts or messages. Not even a response to 'stop it'. When she realizes she isn't being acknowledged, she'll get bored and stop. Don't get mad when you see her, just know that she's a waste of your time and you don't need to bother with her.

[Wakeup]

Why your bf hasn't just blocked and deleted her so that she can't reach him?

[Boisdevie]

It isn't exactly hard to ignore somebody.

[steviej]

Make sure you do NOT do the confronting, continue to ignore her and act like nothing is wrong. She is trying to get a rise out of you through him.
Your boyfriend is the one who needs to put a stop to this, block & delete her from facebook. You can get free apps for your phone that will block incoming calls and texts from whatever number you put into them.
He needs to stop pussyfooting around and put this girl in her place.

[misombra]

sounds like he's keeping her in the wings just in case.

[Luli]

I think he feels that it will only stir up more problems and more drama. Deleting her will only drive her on, to pursue him more, with phonecalls and messages i.e. 'why are you deleting me from facebook' etc etc.

Is it fair for me to ask him to remove her from facebook? even though I know it will create more drama?

Im trying so hard to ignore her because doing anything else will only add fuel to fire, but it dosent look like my boyfriend is going to do much more about it he has asked her to stop and he ignores her everytime. but its not working.

Why do i feel the need to confront her?

I would never ever pursue someone who was in relationship so I can't understand why someone else would,

We're been together for a long time, we have no intentions of splitting up. I don't understand why she can't move on, he chose me.

[Luli]

i don't think you read my problem correctly.

he hasn't cheated on me, (and what I mean by long distance, is 1.45hr drive which we take turns doing every 2nd weekend)

[Luli]

Looking for help & advice here, if your not going to be helpful or constructive take your abuse somewhere else. Do something positive like learn how to read maybe? Good luck with your bitterness.

[steviej]

Blocking & deleting her from facebook won't cause more drama, especially if he blocks her number as well. By the sound of it your bf doesn't even see this girl if he now lives 2hrs away.

[zaccarus]

like the above say, just get him to block & delete her - it's a no brainer

[basilandthyme]

Luli, she's still contacting him because he hasn't completely blocked her. If he was SERIOUS about blocking her, he'd unfriend her on FB and change his phone number so that she can't call and ask why. And if she did find his number, he'd tell her that he blocked her because she's not respecting his relationship. The fact he hasn't done this shows that he's not serious about blocking her.

It's not rocket science.

[reeba]

Several posts have told you the exact same thing. WHY HASNT HE BLOCKED HER AND UNFRIENDED HER ON FB? Trying to avoid drama????? That is BS.

Your boyfriend likes the attention.
- He has you all jealous.
- He has this girl thinking she has a chance since he still contacts her. And lord knows what he is saying to her.
- He might be getting a little even. Bet when you found out he slept with her while you were working in Paris, you threw all your flings into his face.

By the way. If I was a guy. I would tell every girl that I dated that I wanted to be engaged to her someday. Amazing what crap a girl will put up with, when they think just maybe they might get a ring out of it. Best part, the guy gets all this and doesn't even have to give you a ring, or make a formal announcement in the newpaper, or make nice to your family. Ingenious plan.

[Mish]

sounds like he's keeping her in the wings just in case.

Luli, she's still contacting him because he hasn't completely blocked her. If he was SERIOUS about blocking her, he'd unfriend her on FB and change his phone number so that she can't call and ask why. And if she did find his number, he'd tell her that he blocked her because she's not respecting his relationship. The fact he hasn't done this shows that he's not serious about blocking her.

It's not rocket science.

I think I agree with these two posts the most. It's not difficult for a guy to establish "No contact" with another person, it seems like he is failing to do that. Although the reason is yet undermined, it is suspect.