How do I proceed?

[jjc82]

I was with my girlfriend for 8 years. We broke up two months ago because at the time I wasn't sure I was in love with her.

We've kept regular contact and even gone out on dates. While we're on the dates, we act like we're in love. She'll even tell me she loves me as if nothing has changed.

When I bring up the prospect of getting back together, she says she needs more time to figure out who she is because she feels she built her life for the past 8 years around the relationship. She says there's the possibility of getting back together, but she's neither confident or excited about it.

I don't know what to do.

[sadie_genie]

She is making you pay for the pain you have caused her for the breakup.

You do sound foolish for breaking off an 8 year relationship because you don't know if you are "in love" with her.

Instead of thinking about is missing from the relationship, think of what is good about it. If you two can stay together for 8 years and she has devoted herself to you, that is indicative of something good going on.

People sometimes don't try hard enough to make a relationship work because they think they can find someone better. But chances of that is not as high as they think. They say:" There are billions of people on this planet" and "Plenty of fishes in the sea" but in reality, your choices are much reduced. Out of all those ppl on this planet, you are only limited to people who are within your network. Then, approximately only half of those are your opposite sex. Then, out of those, only a portion are suitable mates (adjusted to your level of standard and personal preferences), then out of that only a portion are single and available. Then still further reduce to people who will have mutual feelings for you. THe number of people who you can actually realistically date and be serious with range from a few to 0. If you are lucky enough to find a person to seriously date, you get to know them on a more deeper and personal level. You may find that person incompatible with you on a core level (e.g core values) or if you are lucky less serious matter that are workable. If its workable, couples should do everything they can to maintain the relationship because honestly, your choices are more limited than you think. An 8 year relationship is a long time and is not something that should be easily disposable.

Just keep trying.