Not sure what to do. A lot to read.

[AGuy101]

Agreed, apart from the "girls are illogical - she'll think you're a creeper" thing: he would actually be actively looking at her, so she would be right.



This is SO not true. I used to talk about romance with my current boyfriend all the time, when we were best friends. That's actually how I fell in love with him.

I am not understanding what you guys are saying. I am not "actively" looking at her. I have been avoiding looking at her for nearly a month. But now she is avoiding me.

And @ smackie9

Not sure what you mean by "hormones." Happiness is a response. It is an emotion. It is a barometer of how great your life is or how "good" it is. Hormones are what causes it... sure. Sure... I could talk all about physiology and what not but that does not have anything to do with anything save figuring out problems to mental disorders and retardation.

[searock]

If you aren't looking at her and are actually avoiding looking at her, then you're doing the right thing. As I said, treat her no differently from any other girl you are not attracted to.

[AGuy101]

If you aren't looking at her and are actually avoiding looking at her, then you're doing the right thing. As I said, treat her no differently from any other girl you are not attracted to.

Okay. Is there anyway out of the friend zone? Or should I completely forget her?

[searock]

There is no such thing as a friend zone. You can't be friends (actual friends) with a person you are attracted to / who is attracted to you.

I do think that she is not interested, and that she very probably never will be. So yes, you should forget her.

[AGuy101]

There is no such thing as a friend zone. You can't be friends (actual friends) with a person you are attracted to / who is attracted to you.

I do think that she is not interested, and that she very probably never will be. So yes, you should forget her.

Then what merits "interest" of anyone for anyone?

If not intelligence then looks. If not looks then...?

[searock]

I don't understand your question.

[AGuy101]

I don't understand your question.

What interests anyone then?

If intelligence is not a desirable trait then surely physical beauty. But if this girl is not "interested" for any of those qualities then what?

I do not think that because I told her to soon that I "liked her" would make it impossible for me to do anything. So I want to know what is "interesting."

[searock]

Intelligence is a desirable trait. So is physical attractiveness, which is subjective though. A girl might find you attractive, another one may not. It's not something you either are or aren't.

You may be smart, considered handsome by most people, generous, and so on... but there still may be girls who aren't interested in you.

With this girl in particular, there is nothing that you can do. She doesn't like you "that way", it happens. Nothing you can do can change that.

[IndiReloaded]

Post a cole's note. I'm not reading all that.

[AGuy101]

I said physical beauty. Beauty cannot be subjective. Is "Canadian Capers" beautiful or ugly? Is an honest man beautiful or ugly? Is a muscular man with symmetrical features beautiful or ugly? If beauty is subjective then the word is just a noise that means nothing but something to everyone.

Or is "Canadian Capers" beautiful because it has a consistent melody and meter?
Or is an honest man beautiful because he has consistent views and actions?
Or is a strong man with symmetrical features beautiful because he has attributes consistent to man?

What if beauty means consistency? If a man has a consistent view is he equal to the man who holds no views and contradicts himself frequently?

Is the "Mona Lisa" equivalent to pouring paint on a canvas?

Is a fit man equivalent to a fat man? Is a man with a symmetrical face equivalent to man with a large noise, small eyes and large jaw?

What are you attracted too? I read a story about a man who hated piano legs on a woman. He said he would never marry such a woman. One day he came to visit friends saying: "I just love her piano legs!"

It does not mean her legs are "beautiful." When you're dying in your 80s with your wife at hand, do you still love her because she has a great "butt"? But physical attractiveness is subjective you say? What if you are attracted to a beautiful soul?

Beauty is not in the eyes of the beholder.
Is physical attractiveness subjective? Yes. But you become "physically attracted" to someone by the virtue of their character.

"You may be smart, considered handsome by most people, generous, and so on... but there still may be girls who aren't interested in you."

Well then, I completely misjudged this girl. She is just an empty nothingness.

"A mind without a body is a ghost; a body without a mind is a corpse: both are symbols of death." I don't want that.

[searock]

"You may be smart, considered handsome by most people, generous, and so on... but there still may be girls who aren't interested in you."

Well then, I completely misjudged this girl. She is just an empty nothingness.

What?! LOL... Think about it this way. Think about your best friend. You hold him in great esteem, you really appreciate him, you think he's a beautiful person. Are you romantically interested in him? Didn't think so. Does this make you an "empty nothingness"? No, it just means that you aren't attracted to him. I'm not saying that this girl thinks of you what you think of your best friend (I don't think she does), but that even if she did, she might still not be attracted to you. Despite what you may believe, being physically attracted to someone has a LOT to do with hormones and purely physical reactions in your body. You can't fall in love with someone unless you are also physically attracted to them, and you can't be physically attracted to someone JUST because you like them as a person.

[LostInVegas]

nobodi wantes a death, it com the night a time

[AGuy101]

What?! LOL... Think about it this way. Think about your best friend. You hold him in great esteem, you really appreciate him, you think he's a beautiful person. Are you romantically interested in him? Didn't think so. Does this make you an "empty nothingness"? No, it just means that you aren't attracted to him. I'm not saying that this girl thinks of you what you think of your best friend (I don't think she does), but that even if she did, she might still not be attracted to you. Despite what you may believe, being physically attracted to someone has a LOT to do with hormones and purely physical reactions in your body. You can't fall in love with someone unless you are also physically attracted to them, and you can't be physically attracted to someone JUST because you like them as a person.

What does romantically interested mean? The word romantic means "an exaggeration." Well if YOU are romantically in love with someone then what are you exaggerating?

You said hormones are a purely physical reaction? Then hormones must be OBJECTIVE and so must physical attraction. BY that I mean you are only going to experience the emotions "love" and "happiness" when your hormones meet such a "reaction."

What if, "exaggeration" means: to value in the highest. What is this girl valuing? My mind? My body? Or does she value simply: "anything else." What is this girl interested in? What is this girl? Do I have to be 6 feet, 7.678 inches tall with black hair, pointed noise and other specifics?

[smackie9]

He has no clue about "chemistry", which is driven by pheromones, and hormones. You can be instantly attracted to someone that you have nothing in common with, someone who others don't find attractive, someone you have never met, someone who doesn't treat you that well, someone with qualities you didn't think you liked......love and attraction doesn't always follow a pattern or rules......it just happens or it doesn't happen.

I've noticed lately both guys and girls have trouble accepting the fact that attraction isn't always mutual.... that is just the way life goes sometimes....as Mick Jagger sang "You can't always get what you want..."

[AGuy101]

He has no clue about "chemistry", which is driven by pheromones, and hormones. You can be instantly attracted to someone that you have nothing in common with, someone who others don't find attractive, someone you have never met, someone who doesn't treat you that well, someone with qualities you didn't think you liked......love and attraction doesn't always follow a pattern or rules......it just happens or it doesn't happen.

I've noticed lately both guys and girls have trouble accepting the fact that attraction isn't always mutual.... that is just the way life goes sometimes....as Mick Jagger sang "You can't always get what you want..."

I told you what I liked about her: her eyes. People fall in love "at first site" when they see something in their demeanor. As I mentioned in the original post about: gait, posture, etc.

Just like music, paintings, and dancing produce an emotional abstraction so does appearance: of everything. When you see a strong, upright man what does he make you think of? How do you feel? You might experience admiration but date him and find hubris. That is a misjudgment. I know "chemistry."