help me get inside his brain? can't figure him out

[lyssapaul]

I was dating this guy for a month. We are both 20. We connected strongly from the minute we met. He initiated us being official, had me meet his friends, told me many personal things about himself, basically all normal signs that we were progressing well. He started to get distant on me, and then told me he wanted to break up. He said he "wasn't able to be what I needed" and that I "wasn't willing to be what he wanted" (even though he never explained what this meant because he's never mentioned a problem before). We both agreed that he didn't know what he wanted.

He has depression, claims it's been getting worse and that he needed to be around people with issues like he has. He said I was too emotionally stable. (??) and that he started dating me because he was lonely, "like really lonely", but that he did really like me.
He said several times during the break up that he likes me and cares about me. But he also mentioned that his ex (whom he helped to set up with his roommate) had sex with the roommate who then told her he had been cheating the whole time, and my (ex)boyfriend said he was having to comfort her. He said "i would feel dishonest to both of you if something happened".
At the end of the conversation, he said that he wants to be alone for a while to figure everything out. But that this might just be a hiatus. He said to talk to him in a month when he has it all figured out. I replied that he's not allowed to come back to me unless he's serious and ready this time. He agreed that that was fair.

Then he brought things back to me at my apartment. We didn't talk, just said hi and goodbye (I didn't give him a chance to say anything really).

So after all this I was mostly ok with letting him go. As I was pretty confident he was done with us and it had ended very amicably and friendly.

Then only about an hour after he got home from seeing me, he messages me on facebook saying ":/... I like you"

W.TF is going on?? I don't want to contact him, he dumped me. I only replied saying to give it an hour and he would change his mind. (a bit snarky perhaps) It just seems odd to me that he would say this after breaking up with me, with really no time to begin to miss me or anything. Obviously not a booty call. why would he dump me then say he likes me?

[searock]

Because he's emotionally unstable, as he told you.

Why do you want to get back with him? You wouldn't be happy with him.

[Negan]

No. Searock is wrong. He said " I like you" mekause he wanted to assure you that he really likes you, and it's HIS fault for the breakup. His way of saying "I know i have some problems, and we can't be together now, I want to be alone but that doesn't change the fact that i like you!"

Andrada, is that you? Your situation is extremely similar to something that happened to me ..............

[Sixpacj]

No. Searock is wrong. He said " I like you" mekause he wanted to assure you that he really likes you, and it's HIS fault for the breakup. His way of saying "I know i have some problems, and we can't be together now, I want to be alone but that doesn't change the fact that i like you!"

Andrada, is that you? Your situation is extremely similar to something that happened to me ..............

Interesting... in which case OP's best bet would be to do what? Step back and wait? Or let him go for good?

[searock]

He said " I like you" mekause he wanted to assure you that he really likes you, and it's HIS fault for the breakup. His way of saying "I know i have some problems, and we can't be together now, I want to be alone but that doesn't change the fact that i like you!"

Exactly... he is emotionally unstable so he can't do what a normal person would do and either be with her or not, without sending selfish mixed signals whose only purpose is to make him feel less guilty.

[lyssapaul]

Interesting... in which case OP's best bet would be to do what? Step back and wait? Or let him go for good?

Exactly, how am I supposed to know? Since breaking up with me and saying he liked me, he has looked at my dating profile twice (and he knows I can see when he looks) and "liked" a new picture of me on FB. I mean I've never dumped someone before, but wouldn't you want the person to know that you're done and cut off communication? At least for a while.

I've decided I forgive him, because it truly is a case of "it's not you, it's me" on his end. He's got a lot to work through. There's no anger or anything on my side. I do care about him though, and I think a lot of this is just that he doesn't like himself right now and is insecure. :/...I'm not trying to be a snot, but I almost get the impression that I intimidate him because I know what I want and can communicate that.
I'm alright with being done with him, but I do want to know he's doing alright. While I can't say I'm IN LOVE with him (it was only a month) I do love him as a friend at least. I want to be there for him and help him work things out, but if me being around is just going to confuse the issue for him, I guess I have to ignore him. My only question now is...if he decides he wants me back, do I have to say no? I do think he needs to be alone with himself right now, but how do I know when he's doing well enough to take on a relationship again?

[lyssapaul]

And 20 minutes after typing ^^^ he texts me asking how i am.

-_-

I'm not sure how to respond

[Wakeup]

And 20 minutes after typing ^^^ he texts me asking how i am.

-_-

I'm not sure how to respond

Don't respond at all unless it's to say: "You broke up with me and unless you want to try and make this work by being with me then please leave me alone so that I can get to the stage of indifference to you."

Quit playing a game with a unstable person.. You'll never win because they don't make any logical sense. Don't let him confuse you anymore and while you're not letting him confuse you, ask yourself why you want to be with someone who is depressed and evidently fkd up. Surely there are men in your area that are stable emotionally and they won't play push/pull games with you. You keep entertaining him and you'll be sad and confused for a lot longer than you would have to be if you just cut contact with him. Stop the nonsense by taking back your personal power instead of leaving your emotional health in his hands.

You dated him a very, very short period of time. Let him go and if you're too weak to not respond to anything he sends you in t e future then block and delete him so he can't get through to you. He's not a good partner.. see that and move on.

[Negan]

Yep, my advice is still let him go for good. Break up for real, like no simply "see you later". Just break up and search for another man. As i said, it's something that happened to me as well, and if i know myself, he won't come back to you for a long time, if ever.

[IndiReloaded]

I was dating this guy for a month. We are both 20.

He has depression, claims it's been getting worse and that he needed to be around people with issues like he has.

Run. Seriously, you can't fix him. Read this and ask yourself honestly whether this is you (not healthy, btw):

http://www.loveforum.net/threads/26633-Description-of-the-Shining-Knight-Syndrome

[haxan]

I don't think people fixers ('white knights' and 'florence nightingale's') can help themselves.

[IndiReloaded]

I don't think people fixers ('white knights' and 'florence nightingale's') can help themselves.

Probably right. But she can run. Her gut is telling her to.