Wanted: Advice --- Please.

[shafkore]

Hello everyone. I need your help.

I broke up with my love (who I still love at this time) about 4-5 months ago. Today, I know I am just as in love with her as I was before. The problem though is that the girl no longer responds to my e-mails. I've heard from other people that she has said that she misses me and would like to talk to me. That was about a month ago.

Recently (within the last month and a half) I've written her e-mail letters with things I should have told her when we were going out. Things that I was afraid to tell her. Things that probably contributed to our break up. I wanted everything that I was holding in to be set free. I got minimal response from her regarding those letters.

Now, I have the most greatest desire to be her friend again. Honestly, right now, I just want to be her friend. It saddens me to think that we went from being so much, to being so little now. We don't even talk now. I wrote this to her in a letter, and I awaited a response. It's been almost two weeks now.

My question to all of you is: Do I try to be friends with her, or do I just let things go ?

I really do want to be friends, but I am terribly afraid that I may look like an obsessive/psychotic boyfried who won't let things go. I don't want to constantly mail her. As the proverb goes, patience is a virtue. I am trying to be patient.

These are my options:

1) Just drop everything. But with that I may lose one of the best friends I've ever had.
2) Pursue on with trying to be her friend. Attempt to establish a line of communication. But with this, I don't want to pressure her, look obsessive/stuck on her.

I'm in a catch-22.

I know it may look as though I am stuck on her, but to me, it isn't 'stuck,' it's my conscience torturing me for all the things that I have done after and during our break up.

I just want to try and clear everything up, and be her friend again.

Please, give me all your input fellow friends. It is much needed.

Thank-you,

[IceQueen]

Let things go altogether. Drop all communication. You can't be friends with her right now because you are not over her yet.

[shafkore]

So you are saying there is no way we can be friends if we still love (or have feelings) for each other ? No communication whatsoever ?

How am I supposed to get over someone who my heart has been in love with for so long ?
(You aren't going to post that list of Tips n' Tricks again are you ?)

[Illusional]

i would say forget her for now. when she's ready to become friends again, she will let you know. if she never comes back, it is just something you will have to accept. raverboy

[leight69]

ahh, this is something i used to care about not long ago...

give it time, if your paths will cross, then they will cross and you will be friends again. If your paths dont cross again, then you are keeping something artifical.

Your problem here is you arent over her. Aswell she hasnt reciprocated your emails....which could be for any number of reasons.

think of this, what happens when you re-establish friendship and discover she has moved on? she's slept with other guys? been dating? she's fallen in love again? how are you going to fell? like a friend who is happy for her, or jealous?

if you rapproch her for friendship, and she reciprocates, then great, if not, i suggest you let go.

[shafkore]

Okay. What about a final letter saying something along the lines of:

- If you ever want to e-mail/contact me, please do.
- I am not angry or disappointed that you never e-mailed back.
- I under-estimated the cataclysm done to our relationship after the break-up.

Input please.

[Illusional]

hrmm... well an email would only be good if you were still on good terms and she knows that you would like to continue a friendship. however if you're not on good terms, i feel that leaving her with this sort of email says that you wouldn't mind haven't her back...one day. raverboy

[shafkore]

So... are you saying Yes, a good idea, or no, a bad idea ?

[Illusional]

it depends on what type of terms are you with her. are they good or bad? does she think you want just a friendship or something more? raverboy

[shafkore]

Well we haven't talked for months. It did end badly.

I tried to make it known in my last letter that I JUST wanted to be friends, however, I am not sure she is convinced. Either that, or she is not sure that we can JUST be friends.

[Illusional]

if she hasn't replied to you, then i would leave things the way they are right not. there is no need to push anything upon her, especially if she's unsure about you. raverboy

[shafkore]

thanks for the help. much appreciated.

[Illusional]

of course..no probs. raverboy