Professor-Student

[Coucous]

I would appreciate feedback on my situation. I'll give as many details as possible.

I am deeply attracted to my university professor and I haven't been able to shake this "crush" since the beginning of the session. Class ends in December and he is teaching another higher level course next session, which I'm still debating on taking or not.

Details: I'm a 23 years old he's between 35-42 (max). Honestly I think he's 37-38 years old. I prefer more mature men so even if he was 42 if wouldn't matter to me. I'm taking this first year class as a back-to-basics course to better my academic potential after a few years in the workforce. He is aware that I'm not a "1st year student" in History. I always sit in front (160-200 student auditorium) and engage in conversation with fellow students - which often he seems to listen into while he preps for the lecture.

How did this attraction come to be? At first I was intimidated by this man that seemed so stern. 2 weeks into the course and I realized he was quite easy going and that was just a facade to discourage slackers from sticking around. I'm am really interested in his class and had no intention on slacking, this is no bird course.

Then it hit me, I was never "intimidated" so to speak, I just had a crush on this incredibly well spoken, intelligent, and handsome man. So 3 weeks in and I'm smitten with him. My attraction was further fueled by constantly running into him off campus. We live close by and we always say hello to each other when we crosspaths.

I had a few questions before the midterm. I was scared of makinga fool of myself by saying something stupid but I had to challenge my fear. I prepared a series of question, which he answered in detail. He does have a reputation for going above and beyond to help students. I kept eye contact and probably smiled more than I should of. We went off topic several times, especially when our opinions converged. He was warm to me and we talked for a solid 30 minutes. Flushed red, I noticed that I had taken 50% of his office hours so I said I'd get going in case others were waiting. He acknowledge the fact that others needed to meet with him, and watched attentively as I put on my coat.

The following week, he indirectly announced to the class that he had a girlfriend. I'm not going to lie, it pinched my heart a bit.

I had also sent an email requesting further reading material, he recognized this "initiative as impressive". The day before the exam I asked a quick question again during his office hours, I had the reading he suggested with me. This time he seemed more tepid about course related matters but more than willing to discuss the university's plan to hold a mass gathering outside the course hall duringour midterm. He jokingly advised me to bring ear plugs.

So I did well on the midterm. 88%, not too shabby. I wanted baddly to impress him with an A+.

Last event worth mentioning. I attended a 2 day colloquium on a matter of historical interest. He was scheduled to speak at the same time asour class on the first day, so the TA ended up lecturing in his place. After class I attended the discussions with a journalism student reporting on the matter. My professor was nowhere in sight for the entire afternoon. I was relieved and also pleased with myself that I attended without his presence proving that I wasn't just there to impress him. At my disarray, he came during the cocktail hour. During the last presentation before the serving of supper, he sat in the row in front of me with 2 graduate students turning to me saying [using fictional name here] "Mary,right?" I corrected him "Actually it's Mary-Jane, yay for composed names" he smirked and replied "those are the best" (his name is composed as well, yeah I know he's cocky).

Day 2, we both attended all day. We often caught each other exchanging glances. During the lunch hour I took the time to work the room. I ended up speaking with the 2 graduate students and he snuck in to see what we were up to. I quickly excused myself to get my glass of water (and get away from him asap). After I was seated he came and sat next to me to interrogate me on the TA's lecture the day before. Uncomfortable sitting next to my sexy professor for over an hour, we ended up joking about one presenter's fail (knocking over his cup of water - which he added was something he would do, I said "for sure" and he elbowed me on my side), we exchanged further laughs, and discussed where we were from. He finally switched seats to the round table for the final session. At the end of the night, we joked a bit outside, when he stopped to cross I figured he had to go to his office, I tried not to look to disappointed that he was not walking with me. He said he had to get a few things from his office and quickly added "see you next week".

Ok so this short story just to try to get input from this online community. I just don't know what to do. I feel it's wrong to tell him how I feel while I'm his student, after the session I don't know. Rejection hurts, but my dilemma comes from the fact that he's a prof, can I even discuss this with him? Plus he has a girlfriend (which I don't think he lives with).

[Love'sReject]

No. NO NO NO NO NON NO. I mean, no. To reiterate, no. Just no. N-O., no.

You should never attempt to express your feelings to a professor while you still attend the school; even if he reciprocated, going out with you would be largely dishonorable and unprofessional. He has a girlfriend, you're acting crazy and it is utterly inadvisable for you to ruin both of your lives.

[Coucous]

I appreciate the feeback. However, the "crazy" part no. It's quite natural to crush on those whom we interact with often.

[Love'sReject]

No, the crazy part is not the crush; it's taking every little interaction as a sign that the other person reciprocates.

This is one reason why platonic friendships are rare,there's usually one person with an unrequited attraction to the other and takes every meaningless thing as a sign that the other person likes them back. When this happens, guys get incredibly wary of being nice to girls especially girls they don't find attractive (not saying this is the case here but this is why guys are stoic to platonic friendships)/

[Coucous]

I don't think he reciprocitates, I'd rather think that he does not like that way. I was just explaining the entire situation instead of the simple "I'm smitten by my prof thing". Giving the scope helps others read into it before responding.

I can definitely understand your ideas on platonic relationships, but this is not really relevant in this case. I don't think I could have a fully professional relationship with him. It's either I wait 1,2,3 sessions and come clean, not take any further classes with him and hope to forget about it OR I painfully keep it to myself.

I just hate not being able to be open, holding emotions back is not healthy but this case is particuliar.

[sadie_genie]

No mature grown man at his age will take someone so much younger than him as a serious romantic partner. Plus, he probably has been divourced, have kids, and a lot of baggage. Don't try anything if you don't want to make things awkward if you happen to bump into again. Your crush will pass.

[bcgirl]

He is your teacher, you are the student! It's very common for students to get crushes on their teacher! They are in the position of authority and if they are cute and intellectual, you see them often, of course peers are gunna get crushes. But that's where the line ends. Crushes. He has a gf, I mean c'mon... He is taken for. Also, how awkward would it be if you told him your feelings and he didn't reciprocate??

[bcgirl]

Besides, him giving you a B on a midterm doesn't really show that the feelings are recipricol. I've had teachers in high school and university have crushes on me (yes gross) and it was very obvious. A's on midterms that had wrong answers to them when other peers who should of scorn higher did worse is one example. I was put in situations that made me feel very awkward, but I had no choice because I was forced to be in certain classes in high school and paid for certain classes in university. You do have a choice to not put yourself in awkward situations

[surfhb]

Be assured there are a bunch of girls who feel the same way as you for the guy..... And many are probably more forward. My point is he's used to this shit.

Also, all schools have strict rules againts it so, if he's a professional, there's nothing to hang on to here

Oh yeah.....he already has a GF.

Another thing.....40 something men aren't interested in college aged girls for a relationship

[bcgirl]

Another thing.....40 something men aren't interested in college aged girls for a relationship

Unless they are a slim ball, and besides would u really want to have a bf who is a teacher knowing he went for one of his students?? If he went for u, I'm sure in every semester there will be a young pretty girl in a short skirt sitting in his class that he may be gawking after

[Love'sReject]

I don't think he reciprocitates, I'd rather think that he does not like that way. I was just explaining the entire situation instead of the simple "I'm smitten by my prof thing". Giving the scope helps others read into it before responding.

I can definitely understand your ideas on platonic relationships, but this is not really relevant in this case. I don't think I could have a fully professional relationship with him. It's either I wait 1,2,3 sessions and come clean, not take any further classes with him and hope to forget about it OR I painfully keep it to myself.

I just hate not being able to be open, holding emotions back is not healthy but this case is particuliar.

So it sounds like you already knew that you were going to do the smart thing to do aanyway. I don't see why you'd even ask. your question.

Besides, my post about platonic applies because you should be considerate and not bother him nor ruin what seems a cordial acquaintanceship by complicating it with feelings. Like others stated, even in the event he did reciprocate, clearly given the circumstances he would not be worth pursuing,

[bcgirl]

I just hate not being able to be open, holding emotions back is not healthy but this case is particuliar.

In some situations it is more healthy to keep certain things held in and to yourself and not act upon them. For instance a man who is attracted to children. It's not a crime to be attracted to children and keep it to yourself, it is a crime to act on it

[Saya]

Perhaps wait until you graduate and do something about this?
I know someone who was a student and after they graduated, they end up being together.
Also, he has a gf so why even bother telling him about your feelings?

[bcgirl]

^ Mary Kay Letourneau ring a bell?

[Love'sReject]

^Niiiiiice. She was hot. Where were those hot teachers when I was in school?!