"Re-fortifying"

[Indestructible]

I’ve always been the “hopeless romantic” type of guy, and through my teens, one of my main goals in life was always to fall in love and have that special somebody to spend my life with. Around the time I was 19, though, I came to the realization that that wasn’t something I could actually attain, and over the last 4-5 years, I forced myself to accept that very painful reality, that there is no “special someone” out there for me to spend my life with. It was rough, and it was very taxing mentally and emotionally, but I got to a place where I finally came to accept it.

Now, I’ve heard it so many times, that 23 (well, almost 24) is “too young to give up”, but you have to take into consideration that I’m… not normal. I don’t develop an attraction to girls the way a normal person does. I don’t see a pretty girl in passing and want to date her. I need to develop a connection and a rapport with someone before I realize I want to date them. And I almost never find that.

In fact, over the last eight or so years, I’ve met and known plenty of girls, and only two have really won my attention (and of them, only one was for the “right reasons”). The first girl was just before I came to that realization at around 19, but looking back, I didn’t fall for her, I had just come up with this fantasy girl and applied it to her even though she didn’t fit that mold at all. We never dated. The second girl was more recent (within the last few months). I knew her for a while, and over the summer, it just “clicked” for me. There hasn’t been a girl I’ve liked so much for who she is, that I also get along with so well and have so much in common with. But, I asked her out, and got turned down. Still know her, see her, and talk to/ joke around with her a lot, which makes things kinda hard for me, but I’ve made peace with the way things are between us, and I’m trying to enjoy the little time I have left with her before she exits my life completely (which I’m also kinda dreading, because I hate the idea of losing the one person I’ve connected so well with in such a long time, but I guess it is what it is).

Honestly, I’m a little mad at myself for throwing away all the “work” I did convincing myself that I’m going to be perpetually single and alone, all just to pursue some girl a few months ago that wouldn’t end up feeling the same way for me.

So, now I find myself trying to “re-fortify”, and get myself back to the way I was before. Truth is, I don’t believe there’s a girl out there that will be good for me, that I’ll be attracted to, that will also be attracted to me. There may be plenty of girls that meet one, *maybe* two of those standards, but I don’t believe there’s one out there that will ever meet all three.

But it’s just so hard to force myself to accept that stuff all over again. It was so painful, in the first place, but somewhere along the lines, I was able to numb myself to that pain. But ever since I “reopened that box”, the severe pain has returned when I try to force myself back to the way I was.

I just don’t even know how to handle it. How do I bury it all deep down all over again? How do I come to terms with my future again?

[bcgirl]

Online dating has become such a popular thing in this generation with technology. The whole "getting to know someone before dating" is becoming the thing of the past. As you become older and not in school anymore, it's even harder to meet girls because you won't have a big institution like a school to select pretty girls from but a workplace which may be very awkward and best a person doesn't even look in their work environment. Why not just go online, try chatting with many different girls, set many different dates up for yourself and see where things may flourish? Dating is really all about trial and error to find a partner you are compatible with. Life isn't a fairy tale like those Hollywood romantic comedies. They don't happen like that.

[Indestructible]

I've dabbled on some online sites, in the past, but I never really go all in with it. Every time I search for locals, in all the profiles and matches I get, I always go through them and find things in their profiles that make me not want to contact them. And by the time I know it, I've gone through nearly all of them and haven't found a single one to contact. I suppose that may sound petty/ shallow, but that's kinda the thing with online dating, isn't it? It "streamlines" a list of people for you to pick and choose from based on what you're looking for.

And I dunno, I'm just... not a fan of online dating. Perhaps I'm a bit "old fashioned" with that kind of thing, but I'd rather meet and develop something with someone in person, face-to-face. The idea of online dating just doesn't seem very "organic" to me, and I find my "charm" and sense of humor doesn't translate so well across the Internet. It's too easy for things to get "lost in translation", and I'd just prefer it to happen in person.

[bcgirl]

^ I understand where u r coming from.
What about the old fashioned bar scene? Or what about speed dating where u see a person face to face? Or what about joining a hobby. Good place to meet girls in some sort of extra curricular activity.
It's tough meeting ppl out on the streets. You never know who has a bf and you don't want to make someone feel uncomfortable.

[Boisdevie]

I've dabbled on some online sites, in the past, but I never really go all in with it. Every time I search for locals, in all the profiles and matches I get, I always go through them and find things in their profiles that make me not want to contact them. And by the time I know it, I've gone through nearly all of them and haven't found a single one to contact.

Sounds like you're too ****ing hard to please. Lighten up. Just get out there and date. Oh, and you're overthinking everything.