'No contact' queries

[jay12]

Right, so im doing fine with no contact up until friday night. Im about to go out with the intention of meeting some new ppl/girls.

Then my ex phones ... i didnt answer it as i didnt want her to upset me just before i go out. She keeps calling and i get my friend to answer and pretend he has my phone. Turns out she was drunk, but im pretty sure still with her new boyfriend.

Anyway... not answering didnt do anything, it still made me think about onyl her all night, well im still thinkin of her now.

Do i break no contact and call her back even tho im sure it will upset me, although i cant stop thinkin abuot her again now anway.

Its my birthday next week and i really wanted to see if she would remember, if i dont call her back she wont contact me again - and i was looking forward to a birthday message from her.

Any suggestions??

[Steve2004]

lets see...

Dont contact her, and get over it in a little while.
Or
Break the no contact thing and call her even though you know it will upset you a lot longer than necessary just because you want a birthday message from her.

-weighs them-

[jay12]

I guess, but i dont want not to be friendly with her, ya know. If i dont call her back she will be offended, but i know it will upset me.

[Jsnowman]

Jay,
Don't contact her if you think it will upset you. I stopped calling my ex and she starting calling me. I've been answering and we talk and I find that it does not upset me as much anymore. However, I don't think she is seeing anyone. If she was, I might answer once to see what she would've wanted but that might be it. She calls about once a week/every five days. I dont' ask her anything personal and she does not ask me anything personal either. It's nice to talk to her but I'd really like to talk about us. If she ever feels the same way she'll have to ask me. Nonetheless, I'm not waiting around for that. I go out, meet new people and have a good time. I also work to improve myself for my next relationship whomever that might be with. So the bottom line is that Steve is pretty much correct. Try to avoid contact if you think it will make it worse. Perhaps send an e-mail explaining that you need some time to move on and speaking with her will make it worse since she has someone in her life and you are trying to get to the same place as she is. There's nothing wrong with explaining to your ex how you feel. Keep it simple and polite. It will show her that you are trying to respect the situation and also show her that you are mature and working on yourself. Just a thought, but of course you know your situation better than the rest of us. Go with your gut, it hardly ever lies.

[Pilot]

Don't contact her. You've got to believe me, she will crack eventually and contact you properly (not just when she is drunk) Just out of curiousity, what did she say to your friend?

At the moment she is still trying to play with your feelings, do not let her do that!! As I said before, she is just a girl, theres nothing special about her, theres plenty more of them out there (believe it or not, some can be nice)

Just do not contact her at all! Leave her to do the running. If she calls again, and you answer, try not to act asthough you're interested, just plenty of 'yeah' and 'oh right' She will start to feel that you are neglecting her and she will then start to respect you.

Its about assertiveness! Be assertive.

[jay12]

Cheers guys, im glad you answered with certain answers...
She didnt really say a lot to my friend, she talked for a while just saying what she was doin that night really. She didnt know him before though so not a lot was said.

[Chii 288]

Don't call her .. anymore. It hurts but after some time you'll be glad you did so.

[artyemi]

Jay-O

That's all I wanted to say.. and greetings.. and ahh, no contact...

[jay12]

Artyemi ... what does that mean??

And how do you quote on this forum, am i being stupid, cos i cant work it out!!

[toto]

My relationship with my ex ended a month before my birthday and even though we still shared the same flat legally (she moved to stay with family) she never mentioned about my birthday untill three days later. This was all the information i needed to look at her differently.

She might think you dont know about her calling your phone as your mate awnsered, so you dont have to call her.

Use this oppertunity to find out about how she really feels. Let her contact you. If she doesnt you know where you stand.

Good luck bro