Is it a good idea to start over?

[mechcmmnd]

I was dating this girl for over 2 1/2 years. For the 2 years everything was great, we laughed, loved, shared, trusted and saw each other frequently. The last 6 months kinda made our relationship crumble. We were arguing alot more and i can honestly say there was a time in which I told her to leave my house and she sat in my driveway crying and tried calling my phone and I would not pick up. she keeps bringing that up when we talk about trying to fix "us." She also brings up the parts where I tell her that I was getting bored when we hang out and how i would tell her shes to dull. She also explains that it felt like i didnt love her for the past 6 months. Well.....here it goes. We had a mutual break up a little more than 2 months ago. When we broke up i explained to her that i was not happy in the relationship anymore because she does not communicate or express her feelings or what shes thinking. Shes always been like that and it really really frustrates me. I explained that I could not see myself with her in the future, and we both agreed to split. She played the no contact with me for a few weeks, changed her facebook relationship status, told her parents and told all our friends we split. for the first month and a half I tried to win her back by saying im soooo sorry for the break up, bought her flowers and tried to adress our issues that made us break up and explained my feelings were mixed and confused and i wish i could go back and change what i said......I guess you really dont appreciate what you have until its gone. We never cheated on eachother, we never lied, we always loved and shared love on valentines day, christmas, birthdays...blah blah blah. I tried to stay in contact with her expressing that i wish we can just fix our issues, adressing that we are still young and this is a big learning experience, how i still would like to be with her, and most importantly, im sorry.......im sorry for saying the dull and boring moments, for kicking you out of my house when we got into and argument, and how you felt like i didnt love you for the past 6 months (which i deeply loved her). well she just wanted to stay friends after i was trying to fix everything for a monnth and a half. She explained to me how i met a new group of friends and how i was acting differently by going out with them on the weekdays, getting drunk and partying. Yea i go out with them on the weekdays have a beer or two but i dont get slammed. She says she still cares about me and is worried about my drinking issues. I gave up and i knew the only way to get her out of my mind was to have no contact with her......she didnt even last 4 days. she kept calling me, texting me and i eventually ran into her and she was crying her brains explaining how i wont talk to her. I explained why i wasnt staying in contact with her. we talked some more and she said if we want to get back together we need to take the baby steps. The other day I asked her out on a date for tonight and she agreed. The night i asked her, we went out for a drink and we just kept talking. She was telling me how she goes out and gets drunk how her bank account is empty for going out all the time and how shes going to a strip club for a friends birthday party next week. .......i was thinking to myself what???? and you go around telling everyone im a drunken moron. well my question is, is this whole trying to get back together a good idea? or just leading to another disaster?

[kleaners]

Have the two of you considered counseling? If you're both serious about trying to fix things, this might be the best way to go. Get all your thoughts and feelings out in the open. Receive guidance on how to best handle situations, communicate and meet each other's needs.

[VincenzoG91]

Starting over with the same flawed relationship is silly. Not enough time has passed for either of you to have changed much. So starting over is going to lead the two of you back to the same old problems. Maybe you two can work things out, but a simple do-over isn't the way.

Think back on the actual problems. She was clingy. You got bored. Those are probably related issues. Even a happy couple shouldn't spend all their time together, they should maintain some independent interests and activities, or else the relationship will get stale. The drinking stuff on either side makes me think that both of you are relatively young, like early 20s. It's normal for early-20s people to want to go out drinking and partying, but it's easier if you're single. By late 20s, that partying may get boring and even a bit embarrassing. The other thing about the early 20s is that it's often a time for significant change. Maybe the two of you just grew up and changed and aren't really compatible anymore.