Need help dealing with something my girlfriend just told me

[awesomemcgreat]

I actually already posted a more in depth version of this on another forum and thus far have only had one member reply with ridiculous insults. Im hoping this forum will be more helpful.

Relationship details that may be pertinent:
Im 30 and shes 24
Weve been dating for about 3 months and are exclusive
We fight extensively and have "broken up" a few times
The cons are beginning to outweigh the pros

Story:
My girlfriend works from home and knows a majority of her co-workers only thru online instant messaging. However she does quite often have to take business trips to train new hires, and usually ends up meeting some of these people she has corresponded with. So yesterday (Sunday) she flew to Arizona for one of these training sessions, and was very nervous because she was meeting some of her big bosses for the first time ever. Around 4pm today I texted her asking how everything was going and she said it was going very well, and that she had a few glasses of wine to loosen her up. At 9:30pm I texted her again to see how things were and she told me (directly quoted from text) "too much to drink, pissed people off". I reply with "what are you doing then?" with no response back from her.

Around 11:30pm tonight as Im driving home from the gym I get a call from her. Shes sounding very quiet and child like and tells me that she hates that she works with so many men, because they just get too inappropriate touching her. As one would expect my heart immediately starts to race and I get sick to my stomach. I ask her what she means exactly and she says, oh nothing, theyre just inappropriate. After much more prying she eventually tells me that she was at her hotel and after the downstairs bar closed she went with one of her co-workers up to his suite. They had more drinks up there until (what she says to be out of nowhere) "he starts trying to take my pants off" apparently he is forcibly trying to remove her pants. She reassures me by telling me that "it was more of a struggle than it sounds like. He was trying to pull down my pants while I was trying to pull them up. And he tried to take off my bra." I'm immediately unsure how to handle this. Obviously Im freaking out, as waves of emotions are rushing over me... anger, worry, fear, pretty much all the bad ones. At first I'm speachless until eventually I muster out: "you need to tell one of your bosses". She proceedes to say, "No this has happened before, and I told people and all they said was to not put myself into that situation".

At this point more than anything I begin to be overtaken by anger. How could she put herself in this situation? How does someone just begin to "take off your pants and undo your bra"? Why are you going up alone and drunk into the room of a guy who has acted inappropriately before? I begin to make one of these questions known. "Why would you get really drunk and go into this guys room?" Unfortunately she is the type to say pretty much anything to refute an accusation. Even though just 2 hours ago she informed me she had "too much to drink, pissed people off", she now argues that shes barely even drunk. We begin to argue for about 20 seconds when I realize that Im handling this completely wrong, and given the situation and her condition, I really shouldnt be accusing and throwing blame. I stop mid sentence and apologize for my reaction. This unfortunately brings up another one of her traits... if I am angry about something she will be sorry and apologetic, (like she was when I initially began to accuse her of making the terrible decision to go to his room) but the moment I relent, and am willing to be apologetic, she becomes the aggressor. She begins screaming at me and telling me how terrible I am for treating her this way and hangs up the phone.

Now Im in quite a horrible place. I know her when she gets like this. She is ABSOLUTELY unreasonable. Thinking back on it I realize that theres literally nothing I could do but give her time. Anyways, in this situation, time is the last thing Im trying to give. I call her back at least 10 times to no avail. She at least is texting me, but writing things like, "I was proud of myself standing up and defeating a man, but as I find out I'm still damaged goods regardless. So let them rape me, it's a better story!!" The whole while Im apologizing, and telling her this is something I dont know how to address and that I realized I handled it wrong initially but that Im sorry and I want to be there for her. She doesnt want to hear it. As of now she has stopped texting me and still isnt answering my calls. And so here I am.

So I guess my questions are these:
How should I have dealt with the initial situation? Moving forward, how should she deal with what has happened in terms of addressing anything with her company/authoritiees. Moving forward, how should I handle the situation? We have talked this morning and she has already informed me she has no intention of bringing this up to anyone, and especially doesnt want to talk about it with me. So what, Im just supposed to be aware of this unresolved/unknown situation and move on like nothing has happened? For me, if this isnt addressed in some fashion, it will probably be the nail in the coffin of our relationship. It seems to me that if she was in no way reciprocating in this situation, and this guy truely forced himself on her in the manner described, something obviouslyneeds to be done about it. But her being unwilling to do ANYTHING about it, just seems like guilt to me. (like the "you got caught red handed" kind, not the "i feel bad" kind) Am I being completely unreasonable? Is there another way that I should be thinking about this? I am completely lost.

[Love'sReject]

DAYUM...is she hot?

[Maple1714]

DAYUM...is she hot?

hahaha

OP - She is a young female in the work place. There are LOTS of unhappily married and single older men out there preying on girls like her. She should not drink with these men, she should not have gone up to anyone's hotel room.

Your GF is being naive and stupid. She never should have gotten drunk...first problem. She sounds very immature and if you guys fight a lot why are you still together?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

First off, you're a big fat pussy.

Second, dump the bitch, or at least downgrade her to ****buddy. Definitely not worth the headache.

Third, she was cheating and is trying to bullshit to cover it up but also make herself feel better.

[Maple1714]

I will add that I had a boss come on to me once. It was gradual...he would come up behind me and rub my shoulders and shit...ewww. He then negotiated for me to get $10k a year raise, and I felt a little in debt to him or something. I never asked for anything and I never flirted with him or saw him outside the office. I didn't know what to do or how to tell anyone. I was 22 or 23 I think when this happened. I eventually just quit my job :/ Now, 6 years later I am back at the same company and he was fired! They hired a private investigator to follow this guy and he was up to all kinds of stuff. He was a predator, he had come on to other women around here too and no one said anything. It's a tough situation for a young female to be in.

[Maple1714]

First off, you're a big fat pussy.

Second, dump the bitch, or at least downgrade her to ****buddy. Definitely not worth the headache.

Third, she was cheating and is trying to bullshit to cover it up but also make herself feel better.

Yeah, she was cheating. But, I am sure in some way she was manipulated into the whole situation b/c she sounds like an immature idiot.

[VincenzoG91]

She isn't girlfriend material. She was already drunk by 9:30 PM, but continued to drink until bar close, then ended up alone with a male co-worker in a hotel room, allegedly fighting to keep her clothes on. I think her story is mostly true but makes her look really bad. The part that she is leaving out is that she went ahead and had sex with the guy and then felt guilty about it afterwards when she called you. Any normal woman would have stopped drinking at earlier and not been hanging out alone with some dude in the hotel room. And if she had actually been raped or nearly raped, she wouldn't have been so calm when she called you. In short, she is unfaithful and has a drinking problem, and probably has a reputation for both with her co-workers, which is why the HR department's response was so tepid. You should get realistic about where this relationship is going and break up with her.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Yeah, she was cheating. But, I am sure in some way she was manipulated into the whole situation b/c she sounds like an immature idiot.

She got drunk and went up to a hotel room with a dude. How is that manipulation? She's just a horny, cheating bitch. Stop making excuses for her.

[Maple1714]

She got drunk and went up to a hotel room with a dude. How is that manipulation? She's just a horny, cheating bitch. Stop making excuses for her.

He may have been one of her boss's and asked her and she felt "in debt" or something to say yes. Either way, she is weak, an idiot and the OP should break up with her ASAP and find a real woman.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Dumbest thing I've ever heard, and definitely not manipulation.

[Maple1714]

Dumbest thing I've ever heard, and definitely not manipulation.

You are male...you wouldn't understand. You see it only from a male perspective. When do a pack female boss's of yours get you all liquored up at a hotel? Actually, I bet you have a story...lol.

[awesomemcgreat]

Haha youve gotta love forums. I appreciate all the responses. I think that my initial reactions and thinking are usually correct, but try to keep myself open to the idea of being wrong. I was looking to see if anyone thought I was over-reacting or if I was being inconsiderate of her feelings, but the concensus is obviously that I am not.

[Love'sReject]

You are male...you wouldn't understand. You see it only from a male perspective. When do a pack female boss's of yours get you all liquored up at a hotel? Actually, I bet you have a story...lol.

Maple just owned.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

You are male...you wouldn't understand. You see it only from a male perspective. When do a pack female boss's of yours get you all liquored up at a hotel? Actually, I bet you have a story...lol.

I wish I had a story that began like that. The two female bosses I've had were lesbians, so a big womp womp on that one. Anyway, people drink on business trips, and there's no such thing as someone else getting you liquored up. You can phrase it that way all you like, but no one can drink the alcohol for you. Why couldn't she just go to her room instead of going up to her co-worker's(it does not say boss, not that it matters either way) room. You're making excuses.

[luvcoq]

Maple just owned.

You're a lesbian dude.