The right attitude?

[RipVanWinkleX]

Long story short. I am 26 years old. I lived in a apartment with my fiance and 3 year old son. She wanted to call it quits. So she left to live with her mother and date her "gay friend". She took the son with her. I went in to a depression. We pay rent half, and she agreed to pay the apartment so it looks good on her record because she wanted to live with her new boyfriend in another apartment. My emotions went up and down till I called it quits. I did not have any family at the state, so it was hard on me emotionally.

I moved in to my parents house, in another state, for support. The ex-fiance now lives back at the apartment and I still pay half the rent for her. Her boyfriend left her to live across the world or something. I had to sell my car since it was old and would not make the trip. Now the rest of my money is going to the apartment for her. Now I am living with my parents, no job, no car, and lonely.

Still, I manage to get this far. But I came to terms on what happened. I still call the ex to talk to our son every day. Unfortunately he is not developing language skills as his age should



So now I look ahead. Looking for a job is a pain with no car, but I feel like I can do anything right now. My cousin feels like I should date again or at least talk to someone from the opposite sex outside of family. So I promise to at least try a little, as I prefer to get myself on my feet first. But I can understand where she is coming from, I do feel alone and the only family here are my parents. And I do not get along with them vary well... as much as I try


So, I put up a account on okcupid and looked around on Crigslist. I am ignored by every woman I type to lol. But it's mostly because of the information I put up on the site. I don't lie and say I am a perfect guy. I put my information on what happened to me and why I am in the position I am in right now. I even typed that I do not expect much in replies because of what I post. I can understand woman not wanting to be with, or even talk to, person with issues. Even then, I wrote that I wanted to find a friend more then a GF.

I feel good right now. Lonely as hell, but good. I have a good attitude and believe as long as I work hard I can get back up my feet. And all the girls who ignore me? eh. Forever alone I guess. But, not going to let that get me down.

Just wondering... what do you guys feel about this? Is this the right attitude? Just want to ask to someone other than my cousin.

[hannahbug9198]

dont think of it as forever alone, think of it as forever availible. its good to have a positive attitude even when life screws with you..im impressed. and your honest,thats +1

[Boisdevie]

Before you get out there and go dating you need to get yourself sorted out first. Sounds like you're not ready.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Before you get out there and go dating you need to get yourself sorted out first. Sounds like you're not ready.

I completely agree. But this is more of a reaching out for friends then all out dating.

[RipVanWinkleX]

dont think of it as forever alone, think of it as forever availible. its good to have a positive attitude even when life screws with you..im impressed. and your honest,thats +1

You are right. I should think it as forever available. I will try to keep that phrase from now on. Glass half full ^.^ Also thanks for the positive boost.

[Hotaru]

So, I put up a account on okcupid and looked around on Crigslist. I am ignored by every woman I type to lol. But it's mostly because of the information I put up on the site. I don't lie and say I am a perfect guy. I put my information on what happened to me and why I am in the position I am in right now. I even typed that I do not expect much in replies because of what I post.

Don't do that, it's the equivalent of dumping on a total stranger. You don't air your dirty laundry as soon as you meet someone like that because, in most cases, it won't go over well. Don't drag your past behind you like a ball and chain.

[Love'sReject]

^Yup, it's true. Isn't it kind of weird how girls want you to present yourself as infallible, as some sort of titan and once you've hung around with her enough and your flaws start showing, revealing a human dimension, they start whining about you "changing"? You always have to appear like a macho Jesus. Girls these days..

[RipVanWinkleX]

Don't do that, it's the equivalent of dumping on a total stranger. You don't air your dirty laundry as soon as you meet someone like that because, in most cases, it won't go over well. Don't drag your past behind you like a ball and chain.

Maybe. I have been thinking about changing my okcupid profile to not have that info. I just want to let them know who they are talking to. Though, I don't message woman with my problems. I just send out random messages about their profile for small talk.

[RipVanWinkleX]

^Yup, it's true. Isn't it kind of weird how girls want you to present yourself as infallible, as some sort of titan and once you've hung around with her enough and your flaws start showing, revealing a human dimension, they start whining about you "changing"? You always have to appear like a macho Jesus. Girls these days..

I would be the same though. If I was a woman I would not want to "try" for a guy who is down on his luck. Which is why I completely understand if they do not want to reply. I am not blaming them, all I can do is to better myself.

[Hotaru]

^Yup, it's true. Isn't it kind of weird how girls want you to present yourself as infallible, as some sort of titan and once you've hung around with her enough and your flaws start showing, revealing a human dimension, they start whining about you "changing"? You always have to appear like a macho Jesus. Girls these days..

No, no, no, no, no, you got it all wrong.

When you write that stuff on your dating profile, you sound depressed and hung up or angry, depending on what you write and how you say it. Your past girlfriend has nothing to do with me and if I'm going to date you, I want you, I don't want you pining over your ex or obsessing or crying over it. It indicates that you aren't ready to move on and have a negative personality which isn't attractive to men or women. No one, male or female, wants to choose someone who is still hung up on the past. There are flaws and then there are unhealthy obsessions and those are so hard to deal with.

You need to learn what to say and when and this applies to both genders. I don't go into a new date and give him my full backstory, crap and all. That's something you save for someone who is truly interested and wants to stay put.

[RipVanWinkleX]

Thanks Hotaru. I will change my profile later. But, it's hard to find the right words to say on the profile. I want them to know who they are talking to and what I am doing at the moment, even if it is down on my luck. I am certainly not hung up on my ex and I want them to know why I am down on my luck. So, it's going to take a bit of work and thinking in to the bio. But it's not that important to me. Like I said, finding a nearby friend is more important then a date.

Though, it would certainly be easier once I find a job and a place ^.^

[Hotaru]

No problem! If you want help with your profile, I'd be willing to provide input. Or even if you just need someone to talk to, feel free to send a PM. =)