Should I Listen to my Head, or my Heart?

[HeartIsAching]

I saw that.

[TexAggie1]

@HeartIsAching...

The week before I went to her place and she sent me those last messages, she was telling me she missed me and was thinking about me. I figured she was still trying to work through things in her head, so that's why I kept in contact. A week later, she had just left my house to get the rest of my stuff, and I was close to her apartment. I PROMISE you I wasn't stalking...I don't have it in me to do that. That was the day before Thanksgiving, and I haven't talked to her since.

@Indireloaded

I really didn't know which forum to put it in (I'm quite new here), so I chose a few.

[searock]

telling me she “loves me, misses me”, then “we need to stop communicating”.

Yet you kept contacting her. No wonder she "became very cold to you".

I told her to stop being stubborn and run the thanksgiving race with me. Her text back was “I’m not being stubborn, I’m being realistic. We’re broken up. I’m not running with you, I’m not spending the holidays with you. I’m done”.

How is this not clear enough? What in the world made you think that you could tell her how she felt (stubborn)? I would have been pissed off too. She had already told you that she wanted to cut contact with you, yet not only you ignored her request but you also pestered her with accusations and guilt-inducing texts to try and manipulate her into meeting you. So she repeated the message in a very clear and precise way, and what did you do?

so I went over there and literally arrived the same time she did.

Why did you go there?? She told you that she didn't want to have anything to do with you anymore, at least twice. You should have had gotten the message by then!

I left, the received the last text “I want you to hear me loud and clear. It’s obvious we can’t salvage a friendship at this point. You need to leave me alone. Good luck to you.” I’ve NEVER said one negative thing to her, and have no idea where that came from.

How can you honestly not get it?? She told you 2 times at least to leave her alone, and you blatantly ignored her request - showing up at her doorstep of all things!. She thinks you're a needy, desperate, stalkerish psycho ex, and she has all the reasons to.

is she really done?

Yes. Yes she is.

[TexAggie1]

@searock:
"Yet you kept contacting her. No wonder she "became very cold to you."
Actually, I always respected her request and never would instigate contact.
SHE would contact me...with the "I miss you, I love you" messages out of the blue. That's why it's been so confusing over the past month. She would tell me that we need to stop communicating, so I did...then she would reach out to me. All of those "negative" messages and me going to her place happened on the same day, not over time.

[searock]

So she told you that you needed to "stop communicating" and then she would text you out of the blue saying that she loves and misses you? Well, that is confusing. Unfortunately a lot of people can't just let go from one day to the other: she wanted to somehow keep you in her life, even though she didn't want to get back together with you. What exactly did she write in the "positive" messages? Maybe you misinterpreted what were simply attempts at maintaining a friendly rapport.

What really seems to have pissed her off is your attempt at guilt-manipulating her into running the Thanksgiving race with you. From my experience, very few things are more aggravating than a clingy ex who tries to psychoanalyze you, as if he knew you better than your own self. It was probably the "stop being stubborn" thing that set her off - it also implies that she had already declined the offer, yet you kept trying to convince her.

[smackie9]

Sounds to me she has baggage too and isn't ready to trust anyone, but maybe she is trying to work through it......give it some time if you think she is worth it.

[TexAggie1]

@searock:
Since the breakup a little over a month ago, she continued to tell me she loved me, missed me...but she just can't trust me because of what happened 7 months ago. She was sending mixed messages, and I called her out on it. She requested that we just not talk for a while, so I didn't. She would once or twice a week reach out to me with those same type messages. Literally a week before those "negative" messages and me going to her place. See where my confusion is?

[searock]

I have edited my previous post, does that seem plausible to you?

[TexAggie1]

An example of "positive" message: The week before I went to her place, I had just come back from dinner when she text me "I just picked up a tiramisu, reminded me of you" (That's my favorite dessert). I replied to her "funny, I just had Pad Thai tonight" which is her favorite Asian dish. She then told me she missed me, and I assured her not like I do...then it became a cheesy "I miss YOU more" type of discussion...again...A WEEK before I went over to her place.

I do agree, that was an uncalled for message I sent her about being stubborn, and I did apologize for being juvenile.

[TheSaint]

Can we get the threads merged? I just posted to the other one.

lol, good one. You're assuming the forum has competent moderators, much unlike the two fags and chinkey we are stuck with.

[steviej]

I meant about being weak with regard to your ex, pandering to her whims, tiptoeing round her etc. In future just make sure you're firm and don't take sh!t from future partners.

[basilandthyme]

@ basilandthyme
I put all of Kristy's stuff into storage 8 months ago, and I haven't talked to her since.

You missed my point. The fact that it's in storage maintains a link with Kristy. It shows you still care enough to worry about making sure her stuff isn't wrecked or lost.

If you were truly over Kristy, you would have dumped all the stuff on her porch or given it to goodwill when she refused to collect it.

[searock]

I agree, can we get the three threads merged? It's confusing this way.

Links to the other two threads:
http://www.loveforum.net/threads/74730-Should-I-Listen-to-my-Head-or-my-Heart?
http://www.loveforum.net/threads/74727-Should-I-Listen-to-my-Head-or-my-Heart?

[NSInfinity]

If Jenn was so great why did you hesitate? what difference does it make to move her stuff from your place or her rental if you really wanted to move in together in the nearest future?
You really hurt that girl, but she cant be over you in such a short time... so she stops any contact.

[searock]

Can somebody please merge the three identical threads into only ONE big thread? Otherwise people will keep commenting in different places, it's confusing. There's a thread in the "ask a female" section and another in the "broken hearts" section.