A trust problem

[luispro]

I am married since two years now. I am 36 and my wife is 33.
Since the beginning of our relation that some trust related issues came up.
Since the very first moment i was forced to abandon all contacts with other woman. I was forced to forget all my contacts with any other female person.
Those contacts were merely friendship contacts, i was never involved with any other woman. Anyway i could never convince my wife of that fact.
So, little by little, i lost friends. This is painfull.
Even after i lost contact with them, it wasnt enough to satisfy my wife's wish. She still keeps invading my email accounts searching for ghosts. She stil keeps checking my phone for any suspicious contacts.
It is very frustrating to me. Her actions made almost made me go crazy and loose control of my actions.
I simply cant make her understand that a true relation must be based on trust.
From my side, she has no restrictions, she can meet and contact with who ever she wants, i never put any obstacles to it. I havent any possessive or jealous feelings in my self.
Lately she invaded my email accounts again, and despite i have nothing to hide, i was furious and cant make her understand that this actions show a huge lack of respect to my person.
It seems to be impossible to bring her to a more wise and reasonable position of sobriety.
Any help will be welcome.

[basilandthyme]

Luispro, when she showed this side of herself early on, you should have dumped her on the spot. Instead, you went along with her wishes and let her walk all over you. Because you've accept this for so long, it's going to be very difficult to change.

As she does not respond to reason, my only suggestion is to stand up to her and stop being her doormat. Tell her that you've had enough of her jealousy and will no longer tolerate it. Get secure passwords on your phone and PC so that she can't spy on them. Tell her that you will have female friends if you wish. Unfriend her on Facebook so that she can't look at your profile.

Standing up to her may result in her leaving you - but at present, it doesn't sound like much of a marriage anyway.

[luispro]

Thanks,
Just want to add that i havent got facebook because she dont let me. So, i cant unfriend her, lol

[smackie9]

Dude this marriage is destined to fail miserably. She will never change....I suggest you get out of this crappy marriage.

[smackie9]

Tip: use private browser. It's located in the tools menu. Private browser is for a multi user PC, but it's also great for the prying eyes of a untrusting spouse. When you use it, it will not keep record of your search history, passwords or cookies. Most guys use it so their spouse doesn't know they are looking a porn.

[luispro]

Thanks to both,
In fact i have nothing to hide fro her, so i wouldnt use any tricks.
And yes sure this marriage is in danger, i admit it but i must try change something.

[smackie9]

Ya stick her in therapy.

[Hotaru]

She needs therapy and you two needs couples' counseling. If she doesn't try and nothing improves, you seriously need to run like hell. When someone starts demanding that you ditch friends, dig your heels in.

[zhaneblaze]

shes just afraid to lose you i think ..

[luispro]

shes just afraid to lose you i think ..

You´re probably right. I dont plan to leave her, simply cant make her to interiorize this simple fact.

[smackie9]

shes just afraid to lose you i think ..

yes in the most unhealthy way.....

[Fruitsss]

Well first blame yourself. U r no damm baby , so u knew that there was issues that both of u needed to work on and that is affecting your relationship a lot.

But what did u do to make it worse? MARRY HER!!
Marriage is not a solution to the problems if u have a bad freindschip and relationship before marriage
u will have a worse one once married and also when u have kids.
Cause things will not get eazy for u then in such a rocky boat


So if u knew there was those issues u should have talk about it with her and take time to sole them let her know
what u think about it and that its not right. have serious conversations and if its needed she should have go to a therapist if she have serious issues with herself . Or u if u give her a reason to not trust u. like cheated before etc.

Now u r in it, so u need to try to work it out.
Talk to her and in a very serious way so she can see that its not right,
And the worse thing u can do is not having friends and family around u.
Cause u cant be 24/7 in your wifes face. U need some time to relax and socialize and she 2.

So its part of u to have freinds.(doesnt have to be especially females freinds for u).

[luispro]

Well first blame yourself. U r no damm baby , so u knew that there was issues that both of u needed to work on and that is affecting your relationship a lot.

I am no baby, that's true. she aint no baby too. In my naive perspective, I never thought possible that such unreasonable and distorted personality could exist.
That's why, in the beginning i gave her the benefit of doubt, always keeping the hope that such unacceptable behaviour would change for better.
I am still convinced that this problem can an will be fixed. The point here is that after multiple tries, nothing has changed for better. We have now a far worst relation than 2 years ago. Much because my tolerance and patience are out. My behaviour and response in reaction to her crisis has become explosive and violent (not in the physical way). I have a hot temperament.

And the worse thing u can do is not having friends and family around u.
Cause u cant be 24/7 in your wifes face. U need some time to relax and socialize and she 2.

This is exactly what she needs to understand, unfortunately i wasn't so far able to put it inside her head. It is for me inconceivable to build a long lasting love relation that is not based on love and unconditional trust. Her vision has more to do with controlling every one of my moves, and she is convinced that this is the right way to keep me by her side, while in reality it has a contrary effect.

[kleaners]

I would try counseling. If it doesn't work, divorce her. You should be allowed to have female friends. TO cut you off like that is abusive.