Trying hard to understand Indian culture in my relationship

[Wakeup]

You have issues then. Fool! \ Please do stay with him because I'd hate some other poor man to have to deal with you. Stay hidden where you are most happiest... and can't do any damage to anyone but yourself.

[Wakeup]

Whoops.. wait a minute. I think I read that you were going to stay by him. My apologies. Yes, yes do tell him you're not going to stand by and then don't talk to him anymore so that you can heal and find a man that has a back-bone, one who isn't incarcerated culturally and one who will want to introduce you to his family.

Don't let him hang with you anymore. One day he'll disappear for a while and then call you up one weekend and he's already married to her without even telling you.

Heard it happen many times.

[learning1]

I ended up telling him that as someone who loves him, I can't just stand by and watch him make a decision that 1) I know is gonna make him miserable and 2) isn't even the right thing for his parents or wife, IMO, because he's lying to all of them by acting OK with the arrangement and secretly telling me he loves me. I also told him that if he really couldn't be without me, then he'd make a different choice.

[Wakeup]

So what? Did you break up with him or are you just hoping your little speech will push him to forsake his family and subsequently be disowned for you?

What did he say to you afterward?

[Zulnex]

Then you need to tell him that and move on unless he's willing to man up.

Fucck what his he or his family thinks! It's YOU that's important....that's the point of dating. Finding that person who makes YOU happy....make sense?

I absolutely agree as well.

[learning1]

So... Should I completely ignore everything he says such as, "I've realized I'm completely selfish & sh*tty & you deserve so much better & I cry about you constantly & I just want you to forgive me?"

What do I say to that? Because right now I'm just angry. He told me that if I really care about him as much as I've claimed, I should be able to "get past" the fact that he "has to" marry someone else and just be his friend. I just don't know what to say and I'm upset. I want to tell him to stop playing the victim, stop acting like he's doing something admirable "for his parents" instead of something crappy because he's essentially being dishonest w/his parents and some random girl about what he really wants... and expecting me to hang around as second best but "I can't help the way this has to be."

[surfhb2]

So... Should I completely ignore everything he says such as, "I've realized I'm completely selfish & sh*tty & you deserve so much better & I cry about you constantly & I just want you to forgive me?"

What do I say to that? Because right now I'm just angry. He told me that if I really care about him as much as I've claimed, I should be able to "get past" the fact that he "has to" marry someone else and just be his friend. I just don't know what to say and I'm upset. I want to tell him to stop playing the victim, stop acting like he's doing something admirable "for his parents" instead of something crappy because he's essentially being dishonest w/his parents and some random girl about what he really wants... and expecting me to hang around as second best but "I can't help the way this has to be."

have you considered moving on and not talk to him anymore? Jeesh! Youre addicted to this guy...like a drug addict

[learning1]

You're right. I ended up telling him that I'd never thought of him as pathetic, but it seems I thought he had more potential than he actually thinks he does. I just reiterated that I disagree that he "has to" do what he's doing, & I think the most honorable thing would be to stand up confidently as a man for me, & be honest w/his family that an arranged marriage isn't what he really wants. The end.

[Wakeup]

but did you end up telling him "goodbye?" Words, words, words O.o

[learning1]

No way, can't do that, hurts too much and I don't want him to think I'm closing the door on him IF he were to change his ways.

[Wakeup]

You're hopeless and foolish. He's Indian and he will NOT give up his parents respect and financial assistance for you. He may keep you around for a piece on the side though. He's shown you in actions over and over again that you are okay for a non-marital unit.

*Get yourself some councelling so that you don't disrespect yourself anymore in the future by trying to talk guys into being with you by verbally disrespecting them and their choices.

[learning1]

trying to talk guys into being with you by verbally disrespecting them and their choices.

I think I'm allowed to "disrespect" someone's choice to tell me he loves me & Can't live without me, while simultaneously telling me he's gonna marry someone else because he "has to" - instead of standing up for me even whn it isn't easy.

[Wakeup]

You're allowed to do whatever you want but what you're doing (keeping him in your life and verbally abusing him) isn't conducive to you getting this man.

You said you are "trying hard to understand Indian culture." I suggest you start by googling and or going to the library and trying to educate yourself that way. You don't listen to him and you're certainly not listening to anyone here. It's sad to read how you try to pursuade him, really. In the meantime, you're being cruel to him and you're disrespecting yourself. \\

Your call, but this isn't a Live Journal, no need to come back in and update us all on what we know is nothing new but rather just, as I said your Live Journal Day X. (same stuff, different day) You've gotten advice from everyone who has answered you to leave him to himself and his future marriage and you heal and find someone who is free to marry you without losing the love and support of his family.

Hopefully, you'll get the strength to let go before you're 50 and still wondering why he has a marriage and three childrend and didn't disobey his parents for you.

[Wakeup]

On further thought, I'll add that I'm having a hard time understanding why you'd even want to continue to be his friend when he knew from the very beginning of your relationship that he would leave you eventually to marry whoever his parents chose for him. You were premeditated, temporary filler in the grand scheme of things. That would be enough for most women to want to banish the likes of him from their lives forEVER. Sorry this happened to you.

[learning1]

Hopefully, you'll get the strength to let go before you're 50 and still wondering why he has a marriage and three childrend and didn't disobey his parents for you.

This is the ONLY person who I swore would never, ever let me down. (And I say that even though other men have said "I love you" and committed to me in the past... This one guy was the only one who I swore would never disappoint me.) Then he did. Refuses to sacrifice anything for me. So now I feel hopeless because obviously my own judgment is terrible, which makes me seem like I must be unworthy / destined for a lifetime of unhappiness.