Getting Over An Ex!

[panda88]

It's been about a month since my boyfriend and I broke up. We dated over a year and we very much in love. In the beginning of our relationship I told him I loved him and he dumped me because he wasn't in love with me. We ended up getting back together since he wanted to see where it would go. He did confess his love for me a month later. This time he broke up with me because I didn't spend enough time with his friends and family. I work a lot and didn't honestly feel welcomed by his friends since I had been hearing they didn't like me. He invited me to his family's house 2 times within the year we dated. The final month we were together he expressed his feelings about me not being around enough so I tried to be with his friends more by going to a concert and bonfire and went to a wedding with his family. Clearly my efforts weren't good enough. After the break up I called him, e-mailed him and texted him because I didn't understand y we werent together. I thought he was the one tbh. He eventually started to ignore me. A while after I decided to text him to make nice and we talked nicely just catching up and he eventually ended up coming over just to have sex. He made it very clear all he wanted was sex and to not get back together. I was doing well up until now. Now afterwards I feel as though I took a step back and I thought we could just hook up without feelings but no. I do not know how to get over this guy and all I want is to feel better and like there is someone better out there for me but all I feel is alone. He is constantly around his friends to keep him distracted and I am quite often alone. A part of me hates his guts and a part of me loves him. There is no possibility of him considering the relationship again and I need to move on....help!

[AnnonymousMan]

Obviously he will not consider it since he made his intentions obvious. My best advice is to convince yourself that it is over and that there will never be a possibility of being with him. Being in idle hands is the worst since you let your mind wander. Your love for him most likely will never dissipate. You can however overcome the pain of not physically being with him or missing him. This takes a lot of time and convincing yourself that you have better things to do than wasting your time on a guy who made his intentions clear. Give up talking to him and contacting him. Block him on facebook or whatever social website you two use. The more reminders of him you have the worse it will be to get over him.

[VincenzoG91]

Panda, it isn't your fault, but your relationship with your ex was probably undermined because he was talking too much to friends and family about the relationship. Then there was too much scrutiny and commentary going on and you weren't hearing about it so you couldn't respond or compensate for it.

Anyway, you know that you need to move on, so here are some ideas:

1. Throw yourself into your work for a while. You said that you work a lot anyway, so just give it some extra effort for a while.

2. Adopt a low-maintenance pet like a cat, to get some unconditional affection.

3. Re-connect with your friends and family. If you don't have time to meet up or talk on the phone, at least send some emails or post on Facebook.

4. Start a new hobby, especially one where you might meet some new people.

5. Exercise. Or if you are already exercising regularly, change it up. For example, if you were doing yoga before, switch to free weights.

6. Do some volunteer work. You will meet new people and feel great about yourself.

[panda88]

Thank you, I appreciate the advice. He actually deleted his social media so I cannot see him so that did help. He does still love me so he says and believes the relationship will never change. I do agree...I know there was much negative talking about me yet I wasn't there to defend myself. I have spent too much time at home wallowing and need to get back to the gym. I have many pets actually since I work at an animal shelter. My friends all have boyfriends and are always busy but I do try to keep in contact with them. I guess the hardest part is to continue on with my future without him since in my mind he was my future.

[AnnonymousMan]

I guess the hardest part is to continue on with my future without him since in my mind he was my future.

Try to not let yourself become apart of someone's world and only let them choose to be apart of yours. Sounds selfish in a sense but it keeps you from ever getting hurt if they leave since you do not require them. Also try to live for yourself. Until you get married I wouldn't treat relationships as needing to attach yourself to somebody to the point that you fall hard if they leave. Stay strong.