In Love with married woman...

[PainIsTemporary]

I never ever thought I would face this problem but I seem to have somehow fallen in love with a female workmate. I am 26, she is 31. My heart is silently breaking and I don't know what to do.
We started working together exactly a year ago and for the last few months we have become very close. We are like best friends, know each others secrets, talk about everything, love the same things, know exactly what each other is thinking at the same time....pretty much what many regard as soul mates.
Here is the problem, she is married and has a young daughter. I fight constantly with myself as to what I should do...

1. Leave her as she is - leave our friendship intact and keep my feelings to myself
2. Tell her how I feel, but let her know I expect nothing from her as I know her situation is complicated. (I just can't bare to not tell her how special she is)
3. Leave my job, distance myself from her in the hope that my feelings dissipate. (What if she is "the one")
4. Wait it out, however long it takes and see where her relationship goes (She has told me various things like she doesn't trust hubby and that its hard to say that you can be with the same person forever)

I'm certain she couldn't get on with her husband as good as she does with me. It seems like becoming pregnant with their daughter meant they got married by default.

Any advice is appreciated - good bad and ugly.

I expect the usual, If you love her, let her be happy etc.... But there is also the risk I run of letting her go when I know she could be the 1!!

Head v Heart

[TheSaint]

I never ever thought I would face this problem but I seem to have somehow fallen in love with a female workmate. I am 26, she is 31. My heart is silently breaking and I don't know what to do.
We started working together exactly a year ago and for the last few months we have become very close. We are like best friends, know each others secrets, talk about everything, love the same things, know exactly what each other is thinking at the same time....pretty much what many regard as soul mates.
Here is the problem, she is married and has a young daughter. I fight constantly with myself as to what I should do...

1. Leave her as she is - leave our friendship intact and keep my feelings to myself
2. Tell her how I feel, but let her know I expect nothing from her as I know her situation is complicated. (I just can't bare to not tell her how special she is)
3. Leave my job, distance myself from her in the hope that my feelings dissipate. (What if she is "the one")
4. Wait it out, however long it takes and see where her relationship goes (She has told me various things like she doesn't trust hubby and that its hard to say that you can be with the same person forever)

I'm certain she couldnt get on with her husband as good as she does with me. It seems like becoming pregnant with their son meant they got married by default.

Any advice is appreciated - good bad and ugly.

I expect the usual, If you love her, let her be happy etc.... But there is also the risk I run of letting her go when I know she could be the 1!!

Head v Heart

Has she got a son or a daughter, bro? This story is full of holes. You should edit before one of the more critical members comes along and tears you a new asshole for inaccurate posting.

[PainIsTemporary]

Daughter - "full of holes"? Well if you're not one of the "more critical members" I don't know what to expect from them. Thank you pedantic saint

[TheSaint]

she's married and with daughter. These are my answers to your 1 to 4 what to do.

1. I sort of agree with this one, maybe you're just overwhelm with her company or as you said earlier you are like best friends.
2. Awkward
3. Are you insane? don't quit.
4. what if their relationship gets better? you wasted your time for nothing?

If she's really not happy with her husband maybe there's a chance that you and her end up together
but if she's just having a problem just like most married people and it still can fix it I think you should back off and just be her friend.

[Jeany]

she's married and with daughter. These are my answers to your 1 to 4 what to do.

1. I sort of agree with this one, maybe you're just overwhelm with her company or as you said earlier you are like best friends.
2. Awkward
3. Are you insane? don't quit.
4. what if their relationship gets better? you wasted your time for nothing?

If she's really not happy with her husband maybe there's a chance that you and her end up together
but if she's just having a problem just like most married people and it still can fix it I think you should back off and just be her friend.

[Wakeup]

1. Find a single woman
2. Find a single woman
3. Find a single woman
4. Find a single woman
5. Stop fighting with yourself with what you should do. Just leave her alone and ...
6. Find a single woman

[PainIsTemporary]

1. Find a single woman
2. Find a single woman
3. Find a single woman
4. Find a single woman
5. Stop fighting with yourself with what you should do. Just leave her alone and ...
6. Find a single woman

If only it were that easy. In my 26 years I've never even come close to feeling the way I do at the moment about her. It's just not that easy to replace my feelings.

[Jeany]

If only it were that easy. In my 26 years I've never even come close to feeling the way I do at the moment about her. It's just not that easy to replace my feelings.

do the right thing dude.

[Wakeup]

If only it were that easy. In my 26 years I've never even come close to feeling the way I do at the moment about her. It's just not that easy to replace my feelings.

You've allowed yourself to become vulnerable to a woman that cannot give you what you want. She's a married woman with a child. Where are your personal boundaries.. your own self-worth?

Stop being a slave to your ego and start telling yourself that nothing good could come of this. BECAUSE it can't. A bit of sex on the side (at best) while she stays with her husband and disrespects herself, her husband her daughter and YOU. Has she even indicated to you that she likes you anymore than just a platonic friend? You have fear of commitment is all I can say. It's men like you that go after other men's women because you know she'll not be able to commit to you and therefore you feel safe. Look into that and get over yourself and this folly.

[Jeany]

You've allowed yourself to become vulnerable to a woman that cannot give you what you want. She's a married woman with a child. Where are your personal boundaries.. your own self-worth?

Stop being a slave to your ego and start telling yourself that nothing good could come of this. BECAUSE it can't. A bit of sex on the side (at best) while she stays with her husband and disrespects herself, her husband her daughter and YOU. Has she even indicated to you that she likes you anymore than just a platonic friend? You have fear of commitment is all I can say. It's men like you that go after other men's women because you know she'll not be able to commit to you and therefore you feel safe. Look into that and get over yourself and this folly.

Yeah! BINGO

[PainIsTemporary]

You've allowed yourself to become vulnerable to a woman that cannot give you what you want. She's a married woman with a child. Where are your personal boundaries.. your own self-worth?

Stop being a slave to your ego and start telling yourself that nothing good could come of this. BECAUSE it can't. A bit of sex on the side (at best) while she stays with her husband and disrespects herself, her husband her daughter and YOU. Has she even indicated to you that she likes you anymore than just a platonic friend? You have fear of commitment is all I can say. It's men like you that go after other men's women because you know she'll not be able to commit to you and therefore you feel safe. Look into that and get over yourself and this folly.

Wow...that was profound.

I do however take exception to "It's men like you that go after other men's women..." I have never nor am I now "going after" other men's women. This is the first and only time I have felt this about any taken woman. I would also never make a move to get "a bit of sex on the side".

I appreciate your advice - helpful.

[pisces25]

I think there is something in what Wakeup is saying. Maybe you have never felt this way before because the fantasy is better than real life. She is not obtainable and therefore you can pretty much fall as hard as you want knowing that.

[Fruitsss]

all those storys about inlove with a married person are all the same.and have the same answer

stay away from her she is not single get your own gf. have respect for other peoples relationship.

doesnt matter what u feel. its wrong!

[VincenzoG91]

OP, the very best that you might hope for is that you end up in a serious relationship with this married woman because she is unfaithful to her husband. And then what have you got? A girlfriend that you will never quite be able to trust. Even if you married her some day, it would slowly eat away at you, knowing that she is the kind of woman that doesn't take her marriage vows seriously. And you will be helping raise another man's daughter. Even if you had a kid with this woman some day, you know that won't be enough to ensure her faithfulness.

Respect her and respect yourself enough to not pursue this infatuation. No lasting good can come from it, and you might throw four lives into complete chaos and unhappiness.

I got myself into a similar situation when I was 27. The woman was 32, married, and had a 9 year-old son. I didn't care about any of that, I just appreciated her beauty and her charming personality. After a few months of despicable seductive behavior on my part, we checked into a hotel together on New Year's Eve while her husband and son were out of town for a week of snowmobiling. She started to feel extremely guilty about the situation and got really drunk. Mean drunk. She said some harsh things and I realized that it was never going to work out for us. A couple of days later, I was starting a new job anyway, so it was a good time to cut off contact. She gave me a ride home the next morning and a check for her share of the hotel room. I soon moved on and started dating single women again.

Over a month later, I got some threatening phone calls from her husband, who found the canceled check to me while reconciling their checking account. He got the story from his wife and was understandably angry. He even left a death threat on the answering machine once, and my roommate saved that tape as evidence, in case I should end up dead. It was funny and scary at the same time, but I learned my lesson: don't date married women.

[Maple1714]

You've allowed yourself to become vulnerable to a woman that cannot give you what you want. She's a married woman with a child. Where are your personal boundaries.. your own self-worth?

Stop being a slave to your ego and start telling yourself that nothing good could come of this. BECAUSE it can't. A bit of sex on the side (at best) while she stays with her husband and disrespects herself, her husband her daughter and YOU. Has she even indicated to you that she likes you anymore than just a platonic friend? You have fear of commitment is all I can say. It's men like you that go after other men's women because you know she'll not be able to commit to you and therefore you feel safe. Look into that and get over yourself and this folly.

This is spot on. I have an ex that as soon as I was pregnant and coupled up with my BF...he wanted to be close to me. It confused me at first, but I realized it's only b/c I can't commit to him so he feels safer to get close to me. HE has the issues...he is not really looking for anything real...just something scandalous which excites him. OP - this is the same situation you are seeking out. Why? You need to take a step back and examine yourself. Find a single woman.