No Contact.

[rachofsunshine]

Hey, there. I've never really asked for help online before, but I've been going through a real rough time.
I was with someone for about seven months. Both of us are 20 years old. He's a very mature, amazing person, really. And he never did anything wrong. He just has a lot of issues and he used to have a girlfriend he was with for about five years. She went off to college and broke up with him over Skype. (As I imagine, to go off to college about three hours away, keeping a long distance high school boyfriend isn't something that will work out.) He dated someone after her for about three months, but she was cheating on him with a bunch of guys and he cut things off with her. So, he's pretty scared to let anyone in anymore. We have a lot of mutual friends and we met through them, and they had never seen either of us so happy as when we were together. He was so enamored by me, he told friends he was in love with me, even though he never said it to me. For the longest time, I was all he ever talked about. I was happy, so in love. It just really worked between us, there was this huge connection.
But then, our relationship would keep heading toward something real serious. Whenever it got to the point of "love", he'd back away, scared.
16 days ago, he ended it. He needs time and the space to be alone for a while. I thought it might have been reasons covering a real one, like if he found someone else, but he really hasn't. I've had mutual friends tell me he's become withdrawn and hasn't really wanted to hang out with anyone.
So, I've deleted his number from my phone, deactivated my facebook account, and haven't said a word to him for 16 days. Every day has been so tough and terrible, it's as if they melt into each other.
We have class together on Mondays and Wednesdays. Each class I've dressed very nicely for and I have been acting fine and happy and sociable with others in the class. I've caught him looking at me once in a while in the corner of my eye, but he hasn't said anything to me either. We pretend we're strangers. I have no idea what he's thinking or feeling. I have no idea if he misses me, but I've made myself a mystery to him and I have basically dropped off the map.
I guess I just want to know if there's anyone out there going through a difficult time like this one, going through no contact and hoping for the best through it. Either by getting over the person in the process or they come back to you. I'm trying to keep positive, but it's difficult doing this alone.

[Jeany]

I've never been in that situation but I think You have to give him time to figure out whats going on to him,
you have to understand that he's scared because of his past relationship.
Talk to him, tell him that you understand him and you'll give him time to think. No one can help him but himself.
If he really loves you he'll be back to you.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Don't contact him.


Keep doing what you've been doing.

[thebloodycoon]

Don't contact him.


Keep doing what you've been doing.

That's great advice if we were talking about a new guy, someone she's had a little contact with and now she's going to play untouchable to him. But this guy is a different situation, a situation which (in my opinion) you[BackUpOrGetStng] obviously don't know how to handle.

Anyway, my opinion about this - from what you've shared with us I can say that he seems to be insecure about himself and he's probably thinking something like the following - "I don't wanna get hurt again, so I'm gonna create a distance from this girl and wait to see if she contacts me while I'm ignoring her. If she does, then she really likes/loves me. If she doesn't then she didn't care and I've done the right thing walking away". I cannot be sure about that, of course, but I've got friends similar to what you described and they are doing this s**t all the time, and it pisses me off.

I say - if you care about the dude AND don't mind his insecurities about himself, then be honest and direct with him - just tell him that he's hurting you by keeping a distance and that you like being with him. See what he responds to that.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I do know how to handle the situation. I have enough experience to know that giving in to someone's insecurities like you're suggesting, is rewarding his behavior and will lead to more of it. It's really just giving him an excuse to treat her poorly and never really commit.

[thebloodycoon]

You're right. But we cannot tel her if she wants to be with him or not. I think that she wants to, and she should try it because I think he wants to, too.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

So, because she wants to be with him in a committed relationship, she should accept his poor behavior and his noncommittal attitude, and hope for the best. You sir, are a genius.