I need LDR advice!!

[confused429]

I need some advice about my relationship. I’m not very good at reading between the lines and seeing people’s real intentions so I think insight from other people would help.

So my bf and I have been dating on and off since May of 2010, lets call him Pete. We went to high school together (we both graduated in 2008) but we didn’t talk or anything until May of 2010. We are both 22 years old. We dated for a few months, and we were completely in love. Then he got a DUI and I broke up with him. I also saw a girl text him saying “I love you too”. He also has the habit of calling other girls beautiful and whatnot. At the time, I thought that if he’s telling some other girl “I love you” then he’s probably sleeping with her too. But I’ve asked him several times, including a few weeks ago, and he still claims that he never cheated on me.

So we were broken up until Octoberish of 2011. Before we got back together, he had signed up for the Army, and he was leaving for boot camp in February of 2012. I was hesitant about getting back together with him since he was going to be leaving for 3 months, but I really loved him so I decided I could deal with it. We even planned on getting married when he got back from boot camp so I could move with him when he got stationed. Things were amazing while we were together, although he was always on the depressed side, and slept all day, and stayed up all night playing video games. But I still loved him to death and he always put up with all my crap. When he left for boot camp, things were great for most of the time. We wrote letters back and forth.

Then in May of 2012 I found out that I might have a mild form of autism. This news really freaked me out and I decided I wasn’t ready to get married and move away from home, and that it would be best if I just broke up with my bf and worked on things alone. So I wrote him a letter, breaking things off. He wrote me several letters after, begging me not to, and he called me a few times, but I am terrified of confrontation, so I never wrote him back or answered his calls. Then about a week later, I met a guy, lets call him Allen. I was completely infatuated with him. He treated me like crap but I still would have done anything for him. Allen and I dated from late May of 2012 til October. I finally broke up with him because I realized how badly he was treating me. This is also when I realized how badly I treated Pete, how much I probably hurt him, and what an amazing boyfriend he was.

I texted him, apologizing and saying I wouldn’t blame him if he never talked to me again. I told him that I had always known he is “the one” for me, but I was stupid and I was letting other people’s opinions about getting married so young effect my decisions. Even my mom knew that he is “the one”, and she has never liked any of my boyfriends. He texted me back saying he forgives me. He’s stationed in California and he was seeing a new girl, and he liked her a lot. I was happy for him, but I was also a little disappointed. Then this girl decided she didn’t want to date Pete anymore. And a few days later, he and I were pretty much dating again (he initiated it). Pete said he wanted to take it slow for now because he’s afraid I’m going to leave him again. I agreed with him and promised I would prove to him that I was here to stay.

He came to visit me for 4 days a few weeks ago. He had changed a lot since he joined the Army. But he was still the same too in a good way. Things went back to how they used to be, with us being totally in love, talking about getting married again. After he got back to base, things were okay. Then about a week ago he texted me and said he thinks we are going too fast and he wants to be friends for a while. He even deleted me off Facebook (he said it was because if he even looked at a picture of me he would come running back). I freaked out because I wasn’t expecting it, and begged him not to. I asked him why, and he said he needs time to work on him. I thought it was because of another girl, but he said there isn’t any other girl. We have been talking a little bit since, but he mostly seems to ignore any texts I send him. Then two days ago, I told him that if he’s playing games with me, he needs to stop and let me go so I can move on. He said he’s not playing games and that he really just needs some time. I told him I can’t wait around forever and he said that it wouldn’t be much longer. I asked him if he definitely wanted to be with me and he said yes. I asked him if I had done anything to make him need space, he said “no, you’re perfect”. He said we would talk more about it when he comes home for Christmas.

So Pete will be home on Dec 15th.
I know I treated him like complete crap and I don’t deserve his forgiveness.

Do you think he genuinely needs time to think? Or is there something else going on?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

I'm going to do a scientific experiment now. I'm going to advise you before reading your text wall, then come back and see if my advise still applies. Here goes.

Hypothetical advice: LDR is a waste of time unless you knew each other(and preferably were dating already) and there is a concrete plan to move to the same city in the near future(year or two max). End it, and find someone local to date.

Now I'm going to attempt to read your textwall and see if the advice applies.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

After reading your story, I can say that he's definitely banging other girls. I could also say that you're an immature, demanding bitch but you seem to already know it, so I guess I don't have to. Pete is definitely going to **** your brains out when he gets back on the 15th, and when he goes back to base it will be more ignoring of your texts, partying, and banging other girls. You deserve it. Best bet is probably to move on. Oh yeah..and my hypothetical advice from the previous post also applies.

[confused429]

Yes I realize what I did was awful. No need to be so harsh.

[confused429]

If he was cheating though, why would he pay $400 to fly home for 4 days just to see me? That doesn't make any sense.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

There's no need to do a lot of things. Doesn't stop us from doing them.

For one thing, he is not cheating. He's not with you.

Second, he's comfortable with you and you probably have a lot of fun together. Doesn't mean he wants to marry you. Guaranteed good sex the way he likes it is another good reason. I'm sure there's plenty of other people he'd like to see when he goes back home too. My opinion and my experience are that you won't have a serious relationship with him again.

[confused429]

He is the one that brings up the marriage and wanting to have kids. Why would he do that? And while he was home, he was turning down friends that wanted to hang out so he could spend time with me.

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Has he asked you to marry him?? Until he does, it's all idle chatter.

I gave you my opinion and my prediction. I think you're a complete fool to get your expectations up, especially as high as you have them. I guess let us know what happens.

[basilandthyme]

Things were amazing while we were together, although he was always on the depressed side, and slept all day, and stayed up all night playing video games.

Ugh, doesn't sound so amazing to me. He sounds like a pain in the backside.

Do you know that you can do better? And given your 'mild autism' (I'm assuming you're Aspie), I suggest you find someone who doesn't leave you guessing. Someone who appreciates that you're not good at picking up on subtle nuances and that your ability to read between the lines is limited. There are many guys who are not only thoughtful, but who are straight up with you and won't leave you floundering and not understanding.

I suggest you cut him loose and find someone who's much more suited to you.

BTW, getting an Aspie dx isn't such a terrible thing - don't let it frighten or upset you. It doesn't change who you are. It simply explains why you may struggle in certain areas.

[confused429]

I will. Thanks for the advice.