My ex contacts me every now and again, what should I do?

[webwarrior16]

I'll keep this short and sweet... I was in a three year relationship with a girl, and about six months ago, we broke up. She broke up with me because she said she wasn't happy anymore. I moved out of our apartment and got a new place. We still talked and hung out for the next couple of months because we both enjoyed the company. Eventually, she got a new boyfriend (who lives in Virginia, and we live in Florida). I was heartbroken. We had still told each other that we loved/missed each other a lot and everything was going good. She all of a sudden, started seeing someone else. Anyway, so after that I basically stopped contacting her. It's been three months since I've contacted her, but since that point, she has contacted me three times. The last time being about six weeks ago...

"Hey, so I know you don't want to talk to me, you've made that very clear. I just wanted to tell you this though because I miss talking to you and I thought you might get a kick out of this. Guess where I got a job? Target!"

I used to work there, so I'm guessing she wanted to tell me this for that reason. Before this text, she hadn't texted me in four weeks.

I just want some input on what might be going on in her head. She has a new guy, so why is she texting me? Especially telling me that she misses talking to me. I feel like she's fishing for a response, big time because she's lonely. I just don't get why she would state the obvious about me not talking to her in that text and then saying that she misses talking to me... any help will be greatly appreciated! Thanks!

[searock]

She is texting you because she feels guilty about breaking up with you. If you text her back, she will feel like in the end she didn't hurt you that much, and you can still keep in touch. She isn't lying when she says she misses talking with you, you know. Loving someone and being in love with them are two very different things. She still loves you, she just isn't in love with you. Which is why she would like to keep in touch as friends, but does NOT want to get back together with you.

My advice is, if you still have feelings for her, do not reply and do not contact her in any way. Once you move on with your life and get over your feelings for her, then if you feel like it you can contact her again. Right now, it would only make your moving-on process harder and more painful and confusing. I also suggest you block her number, so that you can't see her texts anymore. You can unblock it later on once you've moved on.

[webwarrior16]

I have been moving on rather well, that's why I posted this without it giving me too much trouble. I think you're 100% correct about the situation, I just hope that one day she'll look back and want to be with me. I treated her really good, I did. She honestly wasn't worth my time for three years, but I gave it my all in the relationship and she didn't. In late September, she texted me with "Did my Cosmo come in today?" I didn't answer, then a couple of hours later she texted me, "Dude, do you have to ignore me!?" and then a couple hours later from that she tried adding me on facebook, and I blocked her on there. If she texts me again, I do plan on texting her back and letting her know that I can't talk to her because I haven't moved on yet. Is that the right move, or should I just continue to not talk to her?

[searock]

I think you shouldn't reply to her at all... completely ignoring her is actually the best way to make her understand that you do NOT want to talk to her. I do suggest you block her number though, to make it easier for you.

[Wakeup]

I think she's texting you because her new boyfriend is thousands of miles away and she wants to use you as emotional filler until she gets to see him again. Why would you want her to be with you? She's fluff who broke up with you because she was having an emotional online affair (how else could she have met him?) with a doofus who lives in another state, was stupid enough to think the fantasy was real and thought so little of you that she'd give up someone in person for someone in her head who made her feel pretty for about 10 mins. She's not worth your hoping.

Tell her you're not happy with being demoted to her male girlfriend and to leave you the eff alone.

[HeartIsAching]

You should ignore her. She'll stop after a while.

[searock]

If he replies to her, she'll see it as a way to re-initiate communication... I don't think he should. She might respond with something irritating to him, enough to make him respond again, and so on... People like her will just keep pestering you as long as you give them anything at all. He should ignore her entirely and block her number, IMO.

[Wakeup]

IMO: People like her need to hear the truth about the matter, then blocked and deleted so that they can't egg you on. He's doing a fine job of ignoring her so far now he needs a solution to get her to back off and leave him alone so he can get over wishing they'd get back together... She's not good relationship material if she doesn't want to be with him in a romantic sense but is too weak to let him go.

[searock]

He doesn't need to tell her to leave him alone in order to stop wishing they'd get back together... he needs to keep doing what he's been doing, which is keep her firmly OUT of his life and move on without her. I don't think it would be any help to him, to contact her again (even if just to tell her to leave him alone). There's no need for any more drama, if he keeps ignoring her she'll eventually stop contacting him. He should block her number, that's all.

[Wakeup]

I didn't say he has to tell her to leave him alone (I certainly didn't mean to imply that, sorry if that's how it reads) in order to stop wishing they'd get back together. My point is that he needs to tell her to leave him alone so that he can get the eff over her. She's not worth his "wishing/hoping."

He can get the gumption to get over her if he takes back his own personal power by quitting to let her contact ego stroke him. He can help himself to accomplish that by telling her outright that he's not jiggy with being demoted to her male girlfriend.

Ego stroke is why people don't block and delete people that don't want them. It makes them feel better knowing that they're still wanting them in their life in some way while they forget that the "way" is a certain demotion. He could stop this if he really wanted it stopped by blocking and deleting her but his ego won't (at this point) allow him to be strong enough to do that. If it/he was strong enough to just block and delete he surely would have just done that by now without having to post about it.

[webwarrior16]

Thank you both for your prompt advice! You both have great takes on it and I believe to keep moving on strong, I will not contact her if she contacts me again. She obviously knows that I won't reply, given her last text... "I know you don't want to talk to me, you've made that clear." and then continuing to tell me about herself anyway. I would block her, but I won't lie, I do get a bit of an ego boost from her texts. I feel like if I block her now, that it will set me back though. I will wonder if she's texting me or not.

The past couple of months, I have been sleeping with a girl from work. She is an amazing girl, and has everything that I would want in a relationship, but there's just something missing. Anyway, she has told me countless times how much of an amazing guy I am and how my ex is "****ing retarded" for breaking up with me. It feels good to get my ego stroked by her. If would feel that much more great if it was from someone I was totally interested in, however.

[searock]

This is more messed up than I thought... you aren't over your ex, if you still feel good about her contacting you. Which is precisely the reason why you should block her number. Become completely independent.

As for the new girl, I hope she knows that you aren't serious about her.

[Wakeup]

I would block her, but I won't lie, I do get a bit of an ego boost from her texts. I feel like if I block her now, that it will set me back though. I will wonder if she's texting me or not.

Your situation is not unique. This is ego and human nature. However; you're being your own worst enemy and eventually you will get the strength to tell your ego to stfu and you will get bored with her attempts. If you have the right frame of mind and actually realize that her demoting you is a direct assault on your ego and you need to nuture yourself by letting her go 100%

The past couple of months, I have been sleeping with a girl from work. She is an amazing girl, and has everything that I would want in a relationship, but there's just something missing.

The only thing missing is you not being in the relationship 100% because you keep up this shallow (without substance) ego boosting silliness.

Anyway, she has told me countless times how much of an amazing guy I am and how my ex is "****ing retarded" for breaking up with me. It feels good to get my ego stroked by her. If would feel that much more great if it was from someone I was totally interested in, however.

You are using her as your human bandaid, a rebound to soothe your bruised ego because you're not brave enough to suffer a bit while you cleanse your dumb/fkup ex out of your system.

I suggest you stop being a slave to your own ego and take back your personal power. There is nothing more satisfying then knowing you are the boss of you. Right now, you let her rule you even though you think you're the boss just because you ignore her bullshit.

[webwarrior16]

Jesus, now I'm overwhelmed with this. I am definitely still in the process of getting over her, there's no doubt about that. I don't believe she will contact me anymore and if she does, I will ignore it. It's that easy. This new girl knows exactly what's going on and understands that we are just friends with sexual benefits. We both have an agreement that it's just for sex and companionship. I think I overdid all of the ego talk. I really don't care about it.

I've already suffered, I guarantee you that. I've had my down in the dumps weeks and have gotten past that. There's just a little piece of her left, dangling around. I believe that it will be completely cut off soon because I'm sure she understands that there's no reason to text me now, considering I haven't written her back.

The thing missing is me not being completely attracted to the girl. Call it shallow, I call it not settling.

[Wakeup]

Jesus, now I'm overwhelmed with this. I am definitely still in the process of getting over her, there's no doubt about that. I don't believe she will contact me anymore and if she does, I will ignore it. It's that easy. This new girl knows exactly what's going on and understands that we are just friends with sexual benefits. We both have an agreement that it's just for sex and companionship. I think I overdid all of the ego talk. I really don't care about it.

I've already suffered, I guarantee you that. I've had my down in the dumps weeks and have gotten past that. There's just a little piece of her left, dangling around. I believe that it will be completely cut off soon because I'm sure she understands that there's no reason to text me now, considering I haven't written her back.

The thing missing is me not being completely attracted to the girl. Call it shallow, I call it not settling.

then carry on... there's no point to your thread if you have it all figured out already and what's the point in knowing what might be going on in your ex's head? (your original question).

Kudos to you for being upfront with the girl that wants you but pretends to be just fine with screwing you without substance. It's her responsibility to look after her own emotional health when you've been completely honest with her. Such is life in the 21st century.