Friends With Benefits

[frenchy]

hum...well me and him we use to see each other more often...but i think that he develop some feeling for me so he back off...we see each other once a week have supper and talk ....then well pass the night together...its fine with me...after 24 years relationship i don't want to be in one now...and he does not want want a relatioship now....yes a agree that if you start haning around and txt all day then its more then fwb...and that was what it was like in the begining for me and him...but he freak himself out...he was having feeling for me and i had some for him too but i know he did not want to admit what he had....because of his previous relationship 8 years ago..he's nervous to be in one..i know he care ....so...right now I like where i stand...we still have a good connection me and him...

[Wakeup]

hum...well me and him we use to see each other more often...but i think that he develop some feeling for me so he back off...we see each other once a week have supper and talk ....then well pass the night together...its fine with me...after 24 years relationship i don't want to be in one now...and he does not want want a relatioship now....yes a agree that if you start haning around and txt all day then its more then fwb...and that was what it was like in the begining for me and him...but he freak himself out...he was having feeling for me and i had some for him too but i know he did not want to admit what he had....because of his previous relationship 8 years ago..he's nervous to be in one..i know he care ....so...right now I like where i stand...we still have a good connection me and him...

Sorry to break your bubble, frenchy but its very likely that he has backed off because he has someone new in the picture..He'll get back to you more often once the new relationship energy has worn thin with the new girl (if there actually is one) not so much that he's caught feelings for you. I think that any guy that has been in a sexual relationship with you and caught feelings would find it easy to just fall into a committed relationship and not "be afraid" of it. IF he actually had those feelings that he could possible lose you for good, that is.

Women in FWB or FB situations enable men to not commit to them. I hate the saying but it does have some validity: "Why buy the cow when you're getting the milk for free?" .. or .. "Why buy the pig when you're getting the sausage for free?"
... and sorry, I don't believe you when you say you're fine with it... you'd not be worried enough about it to make a thread if you were angst free and happy as a clam.

I'm not saying he isn't fond of you and your arrangement, he just isn't catching the feelings in the way you think he is.

[smackie9]

^True. The one time I did have a f uck buddy, we basically had this situation and when I compare the arrangement to having an actual boyfriend, there was really NO difference. Except the title, I guess. We were both even exclusive and there was no one else. It was really silly.

Yes silly indeed. The true rules are that FWB you should be able to date other people period. But from what I have seen on the boards it is the opposite. People just don't get it....sex changes everything when it comes to being friends.

[Wakeup]

Yes silly indeed. The true rules are that FWB you should be able to date other people period. But from what I have seen on the boards it is the opposite. People just don't get it....sex changes everything when it comes to being friends.

The only true rules in a FWB situation are the ones the two of you agree to. If sexual exclusivity is one of the rules then that doesn't mean that you are restricted to seeing only each other.. you can date and when you find someone that is decent enough to have sex with.. then the FWB arrangement is called off. FB's can do you, your friend or the old oak tree if they want to. You see each other to get off and then it's see you until next time.

[smackie9]

That's what I meant about "dating"

[Wakeup]

But it's nothing like dating. In FWB you are sexually active with absolutely no chance of it becoming a relationship of committment in the true romantic sense. You've already established the you're just friends who have sex. In dating ~ there is an expectation that eventually, if things work out, you will be forming a relationship of committment. At least that is what "dating" meant at one time.. certainly in our time, Smackie.

It's all about intent.

[smackie9]

That's just stupid IMO. That is no different than dating and seeing if it turns into a relationship. People are f uckin crackers.

[lolove]

Friends with benefits is a mutual agreement which means nobody is getting used. If one person leads the other on to think it will develop into a relationship when it won't, or if the other person leads you on to think you're getting sex no strings attached but is actually planning to try and ensnare you in a relationship you don't want, THATS using someone.

There are any number of valid reasons not to want commitment at certain points in your life, or ever if that's what floats your boat. It's not our place to tell everyone that they must conform to our preconceptions of how a relationship should be. These points in your life are what friends with benefits is for, you get your gratification with no strings attached.

If FWB isn't for you than it isn't for you but let's not make it out to be something it's not.

Yes, a mutual agreement.

Both are in agreement that using each other for sexual pleasure (consciously or not) is acceptable.
Just because you agree doesn't change the fact you are being used.
I'm not making it out to be anything more than what it is.

People are free to do as they choose and if I want to state my opinion, I am free to do so.

[Wakeup]

Yes. you're free to perpetuate a victimhood like mentality when there is no victim.

A victim would be someone who was taken by force and had never agreed to what they were doing. A victim would be someone who was led to believe that the person they were having sex with was single and free to do so because he/she lied about their status. A victim would be someone who refuses to acknowledge their own culpability so acting the victim makes them feel less culpable. Mutually agreeing to something makes victimhood and the word "using" null and void. Using implies only one person is getting any benefit. It takes two people to have sexual relations.

[lolove]

What if you can't find love? Are you just supposed to remain celebate for what could be years, or a large portion of your life? There are many benefits to having sex including physical and psychological. Sometimes a person doesn't want to be in a relationship, or isn't ready for a relationship. What are they supposed to do about their sexual urges?

I would never say you couldn't find love.

I am celibate, been celibate since I was sixteen. And yes, that is what I am saying. What benefits?

The fact you feel good when the oxytocin hits your brain?
Or the exercise involved?

I am patient and resist my sexual urges.

[lolove]

Having this kind of agreement with a friend is way better than going out and promoting prostitution or something.

And to answer your question, what each person gains is satisfaction of sexual urges without the things they might not want in their life at the moment (such as a relationship with someone).

People are different and want different things. Don't knock people for not being how you are, OP.

And why wouldn't someone want to be in a relationship?

[Wakeup]

I tend to think that people who are celebate by choice are either religiously repressed or frigid and they don't know the differece between that and being celebate. It's one thing to be celebate because you're not currently in a relationship, (in which case you're just not getting any at the moment and not necessarily celebate by choice) it's another to be celebate while you're in a relationship and just not giving it up.

[lolove]

Yes. you're free to perpetuate a victimhood like mentality when there is no victim.

A victim would be someone who was taken by force and had never agreed to what they were doing. A victim would be someone who was led to believe that the person they were having sex with was single and free to do so because he/she lied about their status. A victim would be someone who refuses to acknowledge their own culpability so acting the victim makes them feel less culpable. Mutually agreeing to something makes victimhood and the word "using" null and void. Using implies only one person is getting any benefit. It takes two people to have sexual relations.

Sometimes people victimize their own self.

[Wakeup]

That's just stupid IMO. That is no different than dating and seeing if it turns into a relationship. People are f uckin crackers.

There is a huge difference between having a friend that you've never dated but decide to only have sex without the intention of it going further and going out and getting to meet someone new with the hope that it will lead to something further. Both things are different from one another in intent.

Sometimes people victimize their own self.

I won't argue that, but that still doesn't mean that the person that victimized themself was being used or using.

[lolove]

I tend to think that people who are celebate by choice are either religiously repressed or frigid and they don't know the differece between that and being celebate. It's one thing to be celebate because you're not currently in a relationship, (in which case you're just not getting any at the moment and not necessarily celebate by choice) it's another to be celebate while you're in a relationship and just not giving it up.

No, not repressed what so ever. I am content with my life as of the present.
I am celibate because I think it is healthy at this point in my life, despite my beliefs as a Christian.
I love sex, but I don't believe a relationship of mine will ever succeed unless I wait until marriage for it. That goes for anyone.