Friends With Benefits

[lolove]

Have you ever had a friend with benefits ? And if so, what did you benefit?

Being and having a friend with benefits entails having a “friend” or person that you would have there to use or “****” in some way.

You are both mutually there for each other for your own convenience. You are free and easy for each other and possibly for other people as well, depending on the kind of rules you have set up for each other.

I am here to tell you that I think deep feelings will never come or evolve from this friends with benefits. Humans were not made to be used up. They were made to feel and actually be appreciated for all and everything they are. They were made to be given things and gifts without having to reciprocate, just because they are so great. Just because they deserve it. All humans are either capable of having deep insight or most of us already do. Humans are so much more than attention feeders or banks. We all have deep souls. We are all so complex.

Throughout my life, I have been used for many things. I am fully aware when I am being used or manipulated. I have had to watch many people use each other over and over. I have seen them only submerge their lives in desperation and hopelessness. People want to feel good. People want to be touched, people want to be felt. All or most of us crave this. Because we want to feel like we are loved and most or all of us connect romantic love with sex. Because righteously and instinctively you have sex with someone that you want to love you. When people are having casual sex and are longing for this attention, I believe that their hearts are depleted by other means. Through my personal experiences and empathy, I really do believe this with all of my heart.

Some of us don’t know what we are missing. Some of us don’t know what we need. Maybe your soul needs to be loved. Internally, eternally, and physically loved. Sex is not love. Sex enhances love. People love other people all the time without having sex. People don’t need to be giving their bodies away to people who aren’t going to care about the body being given. Because we are so unique and miraculous, there has to be someone out there that was made just for you in a perfect way. I have seen people in love, I have found what love is through my study and my life. In my opinion, we are all made for one person, biologically and spiritually. True romantic love is out there.

So. Who benefits? What did one gain?

For a little while, it would seem that you felt adored or thought of. You feel partial sensation of love, but not all of what it could be.

I compare friends with benefits to a long drawn out one night stand. You lose promise in yourself and the other person. You weaken and limit the possibility of finding someone you would actually be in love with, the one you were meant to find. And you are wasting away possible love you could be sharing and offering someone else. Someone who would love the love you have in yourself to give.

[dickriculous]

Friends with benefits is a mutual agreement which means nobody is getting used. If one person leads the other on to think it will develop into a relationship when it won't, or if the other person leads you on to think you're getting sex no strings attached but is actually planning to try and ensnare you in a relationship you don't want, THATS using someone.

There are any number of valid reasons not to want commitment at certain points in your life, or ever if that's what floats your boat. It's not our place to tell everyone that they must conform to our preconceptions of how a relationship should be. These points in your life are what friends with benefits is for, you get your gratification with no strings attached.

If FWB isn't for you than it isn't for you but let's not make it out to be something it's not.

[frenchy]

ok so would you think that if you have a friend with benefits you have no respect for yourself...or low self-esteem???? Cause that what someone told me...but ...i just need some tips!!!

[Wakeup]

^^^ You only have no respect for yourself or lack self-esteem if you're going along with this FWB's thing but you secretly want more. Intent has everything to do with self-worth in a FWB situation. So which is it? Are you fine with FWB and being one of many (possibly) or are you against it altogehter and so you'll not put yourself in that type of position just to be with someone?

... and, I agree with Dick. If you've made your decision to be in this with full disclosure, you both know the score, then no one is being used. You use yourself if you want more but you settle while losing your self-worth one screw at a time.

[dem862]

What if you can't find love? Are you just supposed to remain celebate for what could be years, or a large portion of your life? There are many benefits to having sex including physical and psychological. Sometimes a person doesn't want to be in a relationship, or isn't ready for a relationship. What are they supposed to do about their sexual urges?

[Wakeup]

I'd say have sex with full disclosure by all parties. If you know you don't want a relationship but you do want sex then say so. It's up to her if she's jiggy with that or not. It will just tear at her self-esteem if she's just giving in because she wants more and thinks her vj will get it for her... while she fails at that and her ego takes a hit one screw at a time. The think is to find a true kindred spirit and not some poser who pretends to be just fine with you coming to her just for release and then buggering off until next time.

[Ohne Dich]

Having this kind of agreement with a friend is way better than going out and promoting prostitution or something.

And to answer your question, what each person gains is satisfaction of sexual urges without the things they might not want in their life at the moment (such as a relationship with someone).

People are different and want different things. Don't knock people for not being how you are, OP.

[vashti]

Friends with benefits is a mutual agreement which means nobody is getting used.

Hmm. I think of it as two people using each other under mutual agreement. Thing is, one person or the other is usually NOT okay with it.

[Love'sReject]

I've dreamed of having an FWB for so long..it would be SO cool.

[IndiReloaded]

I'm pretty selective about who I call 'friend', so I prefer WUs term '**** buddie'.

If I like someone enough to call him friend, then I'm going to catch feelings if we start to have sex. How can you not? You are already bonded emotionally, now you are adding the physical 'feel good' chemicals into the mix.

Bad idea, IMO, unless you both think a relationship might be a possibility.

[IndiReloaded]

Having this kind of agreement with a friend is way better than going out and promoting prostitution or something.

And to answer your question, what each person gains is satisfaction of sexual urges without the things they might not want in their life at the moment (such as a relationship with someone).

Some truth here. *If* you can both treat sex the same way you'd treat a game of Go. But again, how can you like someone enough to be friends, find them attractive enough for sex, AND not catch feelings?

[Love'sReject]

AND not catch feelings?

Screw first, think about that stuff later..

[smackie9]

I had f uck buddies...I didn't have sex with friends. No emotional attachment is key. If you are friends, text each other all the time, hang out together, you may as well call it a relationship.

[Ohne Dich]

I had f uck buddies...I didn't have sex with friends. No emotional attachment is key. If you are friends, text each other all the time, hang out together, you may as well call it a relationship.

^True. The one time I did have a f uck buddy, we basically had this situation and when I compare the arrangement to having an actual boyfriend, there was really NO difference. Except the title, I guess. We were both even exclusive and there was no one else. It was really silly.

[dickriculous]

ok so would you think that if you have a friend with benefits you have no respect for yourself...or low self-esteem???? Cause that what someone told me...but ...i just need some tips!!!

It's situational. Some people take on FWB and have multiple sexual partners because they need it in order to validate themselves and use it as a barometer of sorts to measure their self worth. These people probably have low self esteem. Others simply see it all in good fun - absolutely nothing wrong with that.

Hmm. I think of it as two people using each other under mutual agreement. Thing is, one person or the other is usually NOT okay with it.

You an I must differ in the way we define "using" someone. FWB = NSA sex which is simply meant to be all in good light-hearted fun. I've always known "using" someone to mean keeping them in your life for the primary purpose of furthering a personal agenda, or attaining a goal, where there is often an element of deceit in the midst.

I think saying one person is usually not okay with it is simply too generalized, I don't think one would be not okay with it unless they had the agenda of making a relationship out of it in the first place and if that's the case then it's the one with the agenda who is doing the using, not the one who expected NSA sex. I'm sure it's also possible for one person to develop feelings for the other after they truly meant for the sex to be NSA but I'm skeptical toward the notion that this is the norm compared to someone having an agenda to begin with.

But again, how can you like someone enough to be friends, find them attractive enough for sex, AND not catch feelings?

When you say "catch feelings" do you mean "fall in love"? I didn't fall in love with everyone I liked enough to be friends with and ended up fukking. Different strokes for different folks. Some people fall in love if you pay them a second thought. People like myself happen to be on the opposite end of the spectrum.