Partner Changing Appearances...

[Ohne Dich]

I am mixed with medium brown skin. I've never liked it, ever. And I've always wanted to bleach it, but never had the money until now. So I started doing it.

However, I've never discussed it with my boyfriend (he is White with very pale skin, by the way).

I have gotten a few shades paler and he has noticed over the past few weeks, but I just told him I get paler in the winter time. I'm not sure what to tell him when my skin becomes his color, though (I'm bleaching it completely, not just lightening it).

In a few months I'll also have enough money saved up to undergo a rhinoplasty (nose job) that I've always wanted. Additionally, I'm dyeing my hair blue.

So I'm going to start looking very different, but better.

I'm not sure how to tell him about these changes, though, especially the dramatic one (the skin). I won't even look like the same person after everything is done.

So I'm asking, would these kinds of changes usually be a big problem, or would you handle it well if your partner did it? I really want to do this (I'm already doing the skin thing as it is) but at the same time I don't want it to become the source of an argument or possibly a breakup.

GUYS' OPINIONS ON THE MATTER ARE ESPECIALLY APPRECIATED* Thanks.

[vashti]

Eww. Did you learn nothing from the Michael Jackson horror?

Your guy liked you the way you were when he met you. If you change that up too drastically, he probably WON'T like it.

[smackie9]

Uhhhh you do remember what happened to Micheal Jackson......

[Ohne Dich]

^He overdid it with the nose. His first rhinoplasty actually didn't look bad, but as he kept getting it done over and over again, it went bad. He also did a bunch of other stuff to his face (like chin implants and something with his eyebrows) that I'm not doing.

The only thing about this that's even comparable to Michael Jackson is the skin. Excessive surgeries aside, his skin actually looked fine. If you prefer to look tanner, obviously you wouldn't like it. But if you like pale skin, then that color looks fine.

[bcgirl]

If u wanna dye your hair and bleach your skin, it is up to you. It is also up to him whether he wants to still remain your bf after the changes. It is a good idea to talk to him about all this. That way he can let you know his opinions. And it may not come as such a big shock to you that he doesn't approve. What I'm more concerned about is why on earth would you want to bleach your skin? There must be a lot of insecurities that you hold and needs to be dealt with. And why on earth would u want to dye your hair blue?

[Hotaru]

Frankly, I would be rather disturbed...

Have you ever talked to someone about how much you seem to dislike your roots and appearance? That's kinda drastic and, IMO, indicates an issue. *insert MJ reference*

[bcgirl]

^He overdid it with the nose. His first rhinoplasty actually didn't look bad, but as he kept getting it done over and over again, it went bad. He also did a bunch of other stuff to his face (like chin implants and something with his eyebrows) that I'm not doing.

The only thing about this that's even comparable to Michael Jackson is the skin. Excessive surgeries aside, his skin actually looked fine. If you prefer to look tanner, obviously you wouldn't like it. But if you like pale skin, then that color looks fine.

His skin doesn't look fine. He is naturally black. That darker shade suited him

[vashti]

His skin doesn't look fine.

If he were my patient in the hospital, I'd be looking to give him a blood transfusion. He looks sick.

[Ohne Dich]

Hey, when did this become about him?

[basilandthyme]

If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, my biggest concern would be that my partner did this without discussing it with me. Not that they need my permission, but if he felt he couldn't talk to me about such a major change, I'd have to consider that there may be something seriously wrong with the relationship.

[IndiReloaded]

Someone post an MJ pic when he was young. I seem to think he looked alright...

[Cerby]

If I were in your boyfriend's shoes, my biggest concern would be that my partner did this without discussing it with me. Not that they need my permission, but if he felt he couldn't talk to me about such a major change, I'd have to consider that there may be something seriously wrong with the relationship.

I agree, change is personal and should be done for you (OP), but communication with your partner is also very key to a relationship. This kind of change goes beyond the level of changes that may be easily accepted (gaining or losing weight, hair colour, etc). If you don't talk to him about your plans and just continue with them, your relationship may go down the drain.

[searock]

If u wanna dye your hair and bleach your skin, it is up to you. It is also up to him whether he wants to still remain your bf after the changes. It is a good idea to talk to him about all this. That way he can let you know his opinions. And it may not come as such a big shock to you that he doesn't approve.

^^^This. Talk to him about it.

[Fruitsss]

This topic is very very sad. Im AFRICAN AMERICAN!
Once i heard of this a year ago i was shocked. Cause i thought only white people had this issues.(WHICH THEY CREATED).
And dark skinned people where only being proud of their skin and fight for same right. And make white respect them for who they r.

I feel so sorry that u r worry about your bf and not the serious issue u have for not accepting yourself/.
Often when i hear of people that dont accept theirselfs is cause they grew up in a white family or their mother is white or they live in a
white community. And there are almost no colored people there like they call it.

Its sad. Cause skin and how you look are things that u cant denial. Cause its your identity.
U denial that its u denial yourself.

AND TRYING TO CHANGE YOUR COLOR will not change it. Cause your color is in your DNA.
And u cant change that.
I really wants to advice you to go search more about the other part of you that is colored.
So your love for your color can grow.
Maybe u dont have much people to indificate yourself with and the white people around told u negative(racist) stuff about your color.
And so you took it like u r wrong , while they r wrong. Read the slavery history!

U can do what ever you want, change the way you talk ,walk look, but your hormones and dna will stay the same.
Its only you trying to be something that u r not.
Take time find out the other part of you that u did not see much of.

You need to accept yourself and love yourself first before u look for people to do that with u.


Dont let white people tell u how u should look to be accepted. \the issues about color is a white people sickness and issue that they try to put on
other cultures/colored people.

Be honest to your bf, and if he is a good one that accept the real u he will tell you kind off what im telling you to accept yourself the way you are.,

And u r making yourself sick with those bleaching products. it have a lot of bad stuff in it.
Soon you will feel the consequences and u cant go back. cause those products are to strong.

[Fruitsss]

What I'm more concerned about is why on earth would you want to bleach your skin? There must be a lot of insecurities that you hold and needs to be dealt with. And why on earth would u want to dye your hair blue?

SO AGREE with u